boys views requested please

[lollypop_man]

Re: boys views requested please

that mindset is the prob. anyone who needs motivation to speak truth or be honest is not worth my time. i think most men feel that way.

@PyariCgudia

Lollypop man, I'm sure many women will be highly protective of their secrets, whether their secret is that they have had a male friend they've talked to or whether its that they have done threesomes every weekend. Winning a lady's trust so that she can tell you this information requires work.

[aahmed]

Re: boys views requested please

I think if the girl came to me and said that she did in fact have a past, I would be OK with it and wouldn't want to know the details. By the same token, i would tell her that I have a past too, again no details. If the two can agree on the fact that everyone has a past and that the past is in fact in the past, that is acceptable in my opinion.

[Mem_Sahib]

Re: boys views requested please

girls like these usually get the best guys!

[K_Khan]

Re: boys views requested please

@PyariCgudia

Lollypop man, **maybe you need to build some trust in the relationship so that the female can be comfortable telling you **she’s done some screwing in the past.

I don’t think that’s the sort of thing you tell the guy that comes over with his family for a rishtaa traditional chai-party style, and you’ve never met the person before.

it goes both ways, doesn’t it?
I mean how could you expect ANYONE (regardless of gender) to volunteer all info about the past? UNLESS its mutual.

now back to topic:-

As Lollypopman said, key to success for any relationship is the mutual TRUST. She MUST share this info with her hubby, its better be coming out from her then sum1 else. But there is a catch, Ironically our society have two faces when it comes to other person they tend to insist that they should hide anything and if sum1 does hide all of us jump in to condemn. BUT if its about them then they tend to say PAST is PAST. I agree whats done in past shall not have any effect on FUTURE, but sadly it rarely happens.

I can only speak of myself, that whats happened in past is past and IF she is sincere about me and regrets on what happened in past then I dun think I have any moral reason left to dump her. After all I myself isn’t a saint!

All we can hope that she finds a reasonable person, not one of those hypocrates who screew around on every weekend and continue to do so EVEN after the marriage and when they find a girl with some past they call her a whore.

[Mamaof3]

Re: boys views requested please

being truthful and honest about the past is the most important thing. If you can develop true trust then you're well on your way to a great relationship.

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: boys views requested please

PCG: Guys do not have a problem in putting the past behind, the thing is Men want to be the first love for their Women and Women want to be last for their Men. It is a different approach.

If a virgin guy is on his way marrying a girl who has been around. That's his choice and if she opens up about her past prior to marriage, I am sure the guy will appreciate it. Does he still want to marry her? That's up to him. It can be said about the girl too. You have to tell the truth despite your knowledge (or lack of it) about men and how they would respond to these kind of situation. I remember a quote from a French Philosoper, he said:

"Truth is a fruit that can only be picked when it is very ripe." - Voltaire

[PyariCgudia]

Re: boys views requested please

Man with a Plan: I think anyone should tell the truth if they feel comfortable with it. Everyone has a right to their privacy. Some people feel comfortable sharing, and some don't. Sometimes, also, you will meet a person you'll feel comfortable sharing things with, and sometimes you will not. I wont share things with people I'm not comfortable with. I can't imagine why anyone would think I or any other female should be obligated to share our personal details with any hoo-haa that shows up to our door with some mithai and asking for chai and a rishtaa.

And unfortunately, if you look around you, not everyone gets married to someone they're comfortable with. So it depends on scenario to scenario. All I'm saying, is that trust must be built before details like that are divulged. If I know I am talking to a guy that will not tolerate things I've done in the past, or wont listen to my side of the story, etc, or will judge me, then I wont bother telling him about my past. I also wouldn't bother marrying him either, but then that is me. Some people wish to settle down, and they figure they'll marry such a person anyway, keep mum about their past, and pay that price so that they can buy a peaceful future for themselves.

Everyone works differently.

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: boys views requested please

If a girl is going to marry some guy, it means that he is not some hoo-haa or stranger rather than someone who she can trust and rely on. That is why it is necessary for both of them to open up about their past with honesty. This will solidfy their faith in each other and firm their relationship. As long as you agree that before going into a marriage Men and Women should open up about their past, that is my point.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: boys views requested please

Not if its an arranged marriage, which in this case it seems to be, since the girl is going traditional style rishtaa hunting with the mums and pops.

In most arranged marriages, the couple really doesn't get to know each other well until after marriage.

Of course, in situations where the guy and the girl have known each other before the marriage and developed that trust, then its a different story. Even so, I don't think its any kind of an obligation on the girl OR the guy to divulge details from the past. Like Allah says, He likes your past hidden and sins concealed. I mean, you have to deal with your sins with Allah anyway. So why do you really have to be obligated to tell anyone else, as if they are your god? Husbands are not a femals's god. Allah is. The only obligation a female has to open up and tell the truth to is God, and well He already knows everything anyway.

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: boys views requested please

Arrange marriage is not an exception, one must divulge and come forward about their past before marriage, otherwise Good luck with whatever you are thinking. Also, the thing about ‘it is between me and God’ is nothing but an excuse. If you are concealing and obscuring your past with the person you are going to marry and spend the whole life with, you are also in a way being untruthful to Allah by disregarding the Philosphy and the Teachings of Islam. In Islam marriage is considered utmost importance. According to Prophet Muhammad :saw: “Marriage is half of Religion”.

[skhan]

Re: boys views requested please

^ damn straight

[twin_born]

Re: boys views requested please

give me her # , if she really looking for soemone .....

ok with meeeee. .......

thats wht ur purpose for posting this post , i mean looking for soemone for her.

[RoCKiSTaN]

Re: boys views requested please

@musicmaniac

If she has slept with um, wouldnt her hubby find out about it (as she wont be a virgin anymore) and i m sure her hubby would ask her all about it & the wifey wouldn’t be able to hide anythin

Some girls you can’t really tell.

[RoCKiSTaN]

Re: boys views requested please

@PyariCgudia

Not if its an arranged marriage, which in this case it seems to be, since the girl is going traditional style rishtaa hunting with the mums and pops.

In most arranged marriages, the couple really doesn’t get to know each other well until after marriage.

Of course, in situations where the guy and the girl have known each other before the marriage and developed that trust, then its a different story. Even so, I don’t think its any kind of an obligation on the girl OR the guy to divulge details from the past. Like Allah says, He likes your past hidden and sins concealed. I mean, you have to deal with your sins with Allah anyway. So why do you really have to be obligated to tell anyone else, as if they are your god? Husbands are not a femals’s god. Allah is. The only obligation a female has to open up and tell the truth to is God, and well He already knows everything anyway.

So you’d be ok if you found out the man you married was a pimp and slept with 468 chics? Maybe raped a few, killed a few, ate a few… I don’t think you’ll bring in GOD then.

[parissenoor]

Re: boys views requested please

@Man with a Plan

If a girl is going to marry some guy, it means that he is not some hoo-haa or stranger rather than someone who she can trust and rely on. That is why it is necessary for both of them to open up about their past with honesty. This will solidfy their faith in each other and firm their relationship. As long as you agree that before going into a marriage Men and Women should open up about their past, that is my point.

:k:
of course that do not mean telling all details, and do not oblige to tell hurtfull past (rape or other abuse) but opening up to your life partner is essential, friendship is themost solid ground for a successfull marriage, two strangers who don’t even trust each other enough to be honest, have no future together

[PyariCgudia]

Re: boys views requested please

@RoCKiSTaN

So you'd be ok if you found out the man you married was a pimp and slept with 468 chics? Maybe raped a few, killed a few, ate a few... I don't think you'll bring in GOD then.

This description is extreme. If it was someone who slept with someone and then felt bad about it and had asked forgiveness from Allah, who am I to forgive/not forgive him. At any rate, unless if its something extreme like you describe, I've resolved that I really dont care to know the guy's past. In fact, if I ever came out to discover he had slept with someone, I'd force him to go apologize to the girl for wasting her time on someone so lousy in bed.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: boys views requested please

@Man with a Plan

Arrange marriage is not an exception, one must divulge and come forward about their past before marriage, otherwise Good luck with whatever you are thinking. Also, the thing about ‘it is between me and God’ is nothing but an excuse. If you are concealing and obscuring your past with the person you are going to marry and spend the whole life with, you are also in a way being untruthful to Allah by disregarding the Philosphy and the Teachings of Islam. In Islam marriage is considered utmost importance. According to Prophet Muhammad :saw: “Marriage is half of Religion”.

Man with a Plan, I believe its a Quranic verse that says that Allah likes those who conceals their sins, and repeats again and again in the Quran that he is the ultimate judge of your sins. So I don’t see where the support in your argument is coming from.

The only reason why I dislike your viewpoint is because you make it seem like a husband is the judge of his wife, like as if he’s a god of his wife. And I don’t believe that’s quite Islamic at all.

Most men will not tell their wives about their past, among Pakistanis that is. Do you feel men should also be telling their fiances everything before they take the plunge? And should a woman break off a rishtaa in such a case?

[Pakora]

Re: boys views requested please

Hello PCG

[Man_with_a_Plan]

Re: boys views requested please

PCG, read the post again.

[skhan]

Re: boys views requested please

@PyariCgudia

Most men will not tell their wives about their past, among Pakistanis that is. Do you feel men should also be telling their fiances everything before they take the plunge? And should a woman break off a rishtaa in such a case?

Yes.