Boys Getting Married Young

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

Woah what? I didn’t say I do this. I just said it can be done. Heck I’m considering bringing a girl over from Pakistan, it’d save me so much trouble. I won’t have to think about all this no more.

This particular outlook does seem to be pretty popular opinion over here. Everything is okay until you get married. Or people just pretend that’s how they roll. Am I being naive, probably. But I wouldn’t get in trouble for trying this here, as long as I am smart enough to take a hint and move on when a girl is not interested.

The same can’t be said for Pakistan. The dating culture in Pakistan is pretty hush hush, what if her brothers or dad find out. It’s just a different culture.

I realize there are lot of pitfalls with American dating culture and it is not for everyone. Just like the culture of selling rishtas as has become norm among desis with arranged marriage culture. It’s all about who can fetch the fairest bride and the highest earning husband. Still there are good aspects in the arranged marriage culture and good aspects in the love/american dating culture as well as negative aspects.
To know when a girl is not interested apply the brad pitt rule or the fawad khan rule. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0hlpctj0qs For girls it can be the Angelina Jolie/Iman Ali rule. I agree dating happen and almost all else that happens in the West happens there it is just more underground thus less regulated. What if you are friends with the brother or family friends, does that make it more or less hush hush

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

Uzair didn’t say anything about quality . I said easy because I assume a guy from Pakistan would have less experience when it comes to dating ( whatever you wanna call it ). So they’d need to practice their game on girls that are not that intimidating. Once they’ve learnt how things are done here, they can move up to the quality girls.

I hate it when people say Pakistani society isn’t perfect. I’m not talking about perfection. I’m saying dating is considered abnormal in Pakistan, whereas it is considered normal here. Middle class Pakistanis don’t date and even if they do they rarely get to sleep with each other until they get married. Is that difference not huge.

That is true he didn’t mention quality but i feel why should a guy settle for less or go for less. We must also have high standards in choosing girls. The guy from Pakistan isn’t any less he just comes from a different society where other aspects are valued. It just takes some time to adjust and then he is no less than others. Like if a white guy went to Pakistan and tried Pakistani dating/arranged marriage he would struggle initially then adjust. It’s good to start with less intimidating that’s true but to treat all girls fairly and individually. A quality girl should be more than just looks, it should be her behaviour, attitude and how she respects you and those close to you. Similarly the guy would be deserving of respect. Such quality girls are here and in Pakistan.

I agree with you yaar we’re not imperfect. No society is perfect. We have good and bad. Lot of people admire how desi marriages last long. Don’t really have that much experience living in Pakistan but I agree dating is rarer in Pakistan and not seen as common. Neither is sleeping with the person common. That difference is huge. Personally for me I think dating should be more than that though. It should be about getting to know someone new, human interaction and learning about people. You can listen and learn about struggles others have in life which can help you understand others better. That sounds like friendship but you can rarely get that close with friends of opposite gender without it sounding uncomfortable.

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@pcormac2013

I realize there are lot of pitfalls with American dating culture and it is not for everyone. Just like the culture of selling rishtas as has become norm among desis with arranged marriage culture. It’s all about who can fetch the fairest bride and the highest earning husband. Still there are good aspects in the arranged marriage culture and good aspects in the love/american dating culture as well as negative aspects.
To know when a girl is not interested apply the brad pitt rule or the fawad khan rule. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0hlpctj0qs For girls it can be the Angelina Jolie/Iman Ali rule. I agree dating happen and almost all else that happens in the West happens there it is just more underground thus less regulated. What if you are friends with the brother or family friends, does that make it more or less hush hush

Sir, that was funny. :biggthumb:

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@pcormac2013

That is true he didn't mention quality but i feel why should a guy settle for less or go for less. We must also have high standards in choosing girls. The guy from Pakistan isn't any less he just comes from a different society where other aspects are valued. It just takes some time to adjust and then he is no less than others. Like if a white guy went to Pakistan and tried Pakistani dating/arranged marriage he would struggle initially then adjust. It's good to start with less intimidating that's true but to treat all girls fairly and individually. A quality girl should be more than just looks, it should be her behaviour, attitude and how she respects you and those close to you. Similarly the guy would be deserving of respect. Such quality girls are here and in Pakistan.

I agree with you yaar we're not imperfect. No society is perfect. We have good and bad. Lot of people admire how desi marriages last long. Don't really have that much experience living in Pakistan but I agree dating is rarer in Pakistan and not seen as common. Neither is sleeping with the person common. That difference is huge. Personally for me I think dating should be more than that though. It should be about getting to know someone new, human interaction and learning about people. You can listen and learn about struggles others have in life which can help you understand others better. That sounds like friendship but you can rarely get that close with friends of opposite gender without it sounding uncomfortable.

I wrote all that because the thread was about zina and I wanted to put down the worst case scenario.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

Pakistani guys aren't really that bad. For a girl looking to settle down a guy fresh from Pakistan might seem like the perfect catch. He's got no family here, he has never been in a relationship before so he has no expectations, he's easy to please because he never got any attention from girls back home. Even if a girls talks to that poor fellow, it'd make his day. To top all of that he's going to college, so he has potential.

It might not be the best deal for the guy, but at least he got a girlfriend.

And what's with all the white girl talk. Don't you guys have other races where you live at.

I'd never say that. Most of the guys in my family are from Pakistan. I too am Pakistani background and quite desi although i have not lived there much. Pakistani guys are attractive to many girls for many reasons. Think Jemima Khan, Diana, Wasim's new wife etc. Don't think we're less than anyone because we are not. It's just about confidence, how you carry yourself and holding yourself and others to higher standards. The type of mentality you have is what is important and for that you can be a foreign bred Pakistani or homegrown.

There are stereotypes we hold of them and they hold of us. Lot of desi girls living in Pakistanis might have stereotypes of Western raised pakistani guys and vice vera. A guy from Pakistan might be that perfect match with that girl here. Still for others that match might not be there. It's about perpective. Why should a guy from Pakistan who has never had a relationship feel like he is any less to any guy here? He has much to offer- the fact he hasn't had a relationship before may show that he is picky, he has focus on other pursuits in life making him more interesting and stand out and as a desi guy he has strong family values. Like girls have high standards guys should not just accept any girl who takes him. The girl should treat him well and respect him. While lot of desi girls are interested in long term there are some unfortunately who want the attention, love and affection of a guy in a dating way before marriage but then will settle down to marry someone else their parents preferred. A girl should like you for more than material and other benefits and more than size of your wallet.

There are other girls where i live though white is majority. One of my friends settled down with a nice chinese/caucasian girl who has got mix of values. She's working and doing well in her job and she can manage household with her husband.
.
Some people, not you, but some desis like to diss white culture, how bad their dating values are and white girls yet when they go to events they wear western clothes, prefer to talk in English and use lot of technology manufactured in West. I don't understand that. There is good and bad in everything.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

I wrote all that because the thread was about zina and I wanted to put down the worst case scenario.

Oh ok no problem brother. I have strayed off topic quite a bit. I think it's also good to remember for people here is that it's not only guys who do zina. Some girls can initiate zina as well. I mean someone has to be doing it with the guys and not it's just with foreigner girls. Girls are different to guys in lot of ways but they also have hormones. I still don't think that mean they should marry and forgo education. What would happen when things go bad and they have no education to back themselves up? Same with guys. It's a competitive world. Not everyone can handle household responsibilties and career all at the same time.

Apart from marriage what about self help methods to control zina?

[Deeba1234]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

^^Or go out with white girls but marry desi.. Quite a few of those here in the UK..

Btw who's Wasim?

[Xtron]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@pcormac2013

Apart from marriage what about self help methods to control zina?

Fasting bro..fasting..

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@Deeba1234

^^Or go out with white girls but marry desi.. Quite a few of those here in the UK..

Btw who's Wasim?

That is quite wrong to go out with a girl but then not be bold enough to marry her in front of family. If you can't committ don't go out with the girl is my rule. Just gives the good guys a bad image.

Wasim is only the best bowler to have existed in cricket or Pakistani cricket at least. He dated and married a white Australian girl who reverted. Then there is Imran Khan and Jemima. Plenty of examples for the parents to think about.

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@Deeba1234

^^Or go out with white girls but marry desi.. Quite a few of those here in the UK..

Btw who's Wasim?

Wasim Akram the cricketer.

Well you can't real tell if it's gonna work or not unless go out with them. So they try the white lasses and figure out that's not what they want. How is it any different from non-desis dating several people before they settle down.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@Xtron

Fasting bro..fasting..

haha yeh there's that but if not successful there are other self help methods technically not haram which i will not elucidate.

Why do people say zina is issue more for guys than girls? There is a massive hymenoplasty trade that occurs in middle east and Pakistan.
Even if a girl or guy commits zina and they overcome/regret it just accept them as they are..why require them to go through such procedures.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

Wasim Akram the cricketer.

Well you can't real tell if it's gonna work or not unless go out with them. So they try the white lasses and figure out that's not what they want. How is it any different from non-desi dating several people before they settle down.

If it is because of individual reasons it's fine but if it is because they believe white girls are easy to do that with and look down on them that's not right. Respecting everyone is important. There are desi guys who reject desi girls because they won't put out and date white girls for that reason. Then when it comes to marriage marry a girl of parent's choice. That is wrong on so many levels.

[Deeba1234]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

Wasim Akram the cricketer.

Well you can't real tell if it's gonna work or not unless go out with them. So they try the white lasses and figure out that's not what they want. How is it any different from non-desis dating several people before they settle down.

They openly say 'white girls aren't for marrying'.. It's not as innocent as them figuring out what they want..

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

And these guys are? What makes them so different from the girls they go out with. These guys need a reality check .

[uzair1]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

O so the cultural differences matter for nothing. Picking women at bars isn't about being attractive; it's about confidence and going for easy targets.

You have to be atleast relatively attractive for your confidence to work in this 'arena'
Not that confidence can be pulled out of the behind.

Dropping standards is something that good looking guys, who value convenience, do. So instead of the hot women who require effort, they sleep with average and below average looking women, (who are easy targets...for them).

Average looking men dont have the luxury of dropping standards. The least desirable of females require and can easily get relatively attractive men for this purpose.

The 'singles lifestyle' is only for a small minority of men. That goes for any part of the world and men of every race. Going through the whole process of dating and commitment with one woman is still what most men need to do in order to expect regular sex, intimacy and companionship.

[SaeedinPakistan]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@uzair1

You have to be atleast relatively attractive for your confidence to work in this 'arena' Not that confidence can be pulled out of the behind.

Dropping standards is something that good looking guys, who value convenience, do. So instead of the hot women who require effort, they sleep with average and below average looking women, (who are easy targets...for them).

Average looking men dont have the luxury of dropping standards. The least desirable of females require and can easily get relatively attractive men for this purpose.

The 'singles lifestyle' is only for a small minority of men. That goes for any part of the world and men of every race. Going through the whole process of dating and commitment with one woman is still what most men need to do in order to expect regular sex, intimacy and companionship.

I guess another factor is increase in disposable income. Even a good looking guy can't pull a girl in Pakistan without spending sum moolas. When the same guy comes to the US and starts making money, he wasn't making back home, things get easier.

Another thing you said "If a guy is attractive enough to, say, pick up women in bars and clubs in the US; he can also get laid in Pakistan". I knew a lot of guys in Pakistan and not a lot of them had girlfriends. Does that mean all Pakistani guys are ugly? Nope I'm pretty sure they are not.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@SaeedinPakistan

Sir, that was funny. :biggthumb:

Glad you like. SO true in our case it’d be Fawad Khan. Would a girl interested say no to Fawad Khan asking her that? Of course we’re no less for the girl who is truly interested

You might this youtube video as well which is a humorous take. No offence to anyone..there’s one on guys as well. Some hints of reality in it.

Annoying Brown Girls! - YouTube This guy is a hilarious Pakistani guy

One on the guys
Annoying Brown Guys - YouTube

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

Two things, its a norm in society for husbands to be older than wives, although the pattern is changing nowadays. Secondly, older women may think that a younger guy may loose interest in them after some time.

I agree that some people might think those reasons. It is good that thiings are changing. A younger guy might lose interest but so might the wealthy older guy. Guess it can go both ways.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@rosedreams

Guys getting married below the age of 24 is just... scary. What if he changes his mind? People change so much after college, they gain maturity, have different outlooks on life. Same can be said about girls too I guess. In my opinion, best is to get married when you are done with your bachelors, or perhaps in your final year of bachelors. Parents supporting guy and wife isn't so good (according to me as I feel husband should support financially), but by all means if the parents are financially stable- then why not.

It is true that early marriage prevents zinna but it doesn't guarantee it. People who get married at 'acceptable' ages end up cheating or losing interest in their spouse, so dont you think ppl in their early 20s are even more inclined towards it?

Speaking of which, an acquaintance in Texas got married young to a young boy. Both ended their love marriage months later as they could not get along. It was a shame as they liked each other so much- until they got married and lived together. I did not know that this is happening a lot in the country.

It all boils down to the girl and guy being ultimately sure that the person they are marrying is the one.

Also, I feel younger people are not willing to compromise. For example, if the guy gives a girl trouble (aka '*'), she does not want to tolerate it at all. Heck, even I am like that. At age 21, if any guy gives me * I wont be able to take it. This is unlike our parents' times where women compromised and gave in so much.

I feel that best time for a guy to be married is when he is done with his degree. (above age 23)

I tend to agree with you. There might be some mature guys above the age of 23 like the ones here but then there are other who are not that mature. I am above the age of 25 and i feel i have matured a lot in last 5 years. What would be worse is feeling you have to get married then getting divorced, having children to support and no qualifications? Some countries the state supports married couples but it is not like this everywhere.

Not just girls even guys can give girls **** and put burdens on them. Then what if mil is not supportive and she doesn't want things to work. Then there is that thing you can marry an older guy but you might not match as well. I think it is very individual. Above 25-30 is not even old.

[pcormac2013]

Re: Boys Getting Married Young

@Sweetmoi

LOL .. Your post is all over the place and wow talk about generalizing people based on their age huh ;). Agar kissi ne interest khona hai, toh he will even if you marry him after he is 24 years, there is no gurantee.

This thread is so full of negative thoughts. Seriously let people marry when they wanna and stop the double standards and prejudices. Time se shaadi karlo toh masla hai, dair se karo toh masla.

I think rosedreams meant everyone’s time is different. While some guys are mature at young age others might not be. Not one rule works for all. Pros and cons to both. People just think grass is greener on other side. If someone has to lose interest they will but i feel a more mature person will not rush into those decisions. Now some young people can be more mature than older people. Zindagi mein koi guarantee nahi hai other than yakeen on Allah(swt) ke jo bhi hota hai acha ke liye hota hai.