What do you think about the push from religious talks coming from America that the youthful boys should be married early, even if they do not have jobs or education yet?
See the below sermons.
This is a real trend. Some families are seeking marriage for their sons at 19, 20, 21, when they haven’t even finished college yet, or better yet, not even in college, or properly working.
The excuse is, this prevents zinna.
This one is about girls, I think
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
I thought you liked the 2nd guy till a few days ago?
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
Well it would probably prevent zinna but how many of these girls would marry these young guys? Won’t young girls prefer older wealthier guys who are doctors or engineers? And older ladies might not be interested in young virile guys not sure why. Why do older women discriminate against young guys if they’re good in everything else? If it becomes a trend even older generations will change their mind.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
guy should marry when he is able to support the family of his own and is mature enough to handle the relationship like marriage.
so if he is able to do this at the age of 18, 19, 20 then no harm in marrying early but if he doesn’t then he should wait.
also if these scholars are preaching boys to marry young even before finishing education and without any stable income then who would support the guy, his wife and the future kids till the guy starts to earn?
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
There are other more important things preventing young men from zinna.
You’ll see some pattern in who signs up for this.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
I thought it was mandatory that a guy be able to support a wife (provide the bare minimum in terms of space/housing etc) when he marries?
I didn’t think it was as simple as just marry young to prevent zina and there are other things suggested for that anyway.. I can’t remember the details offhand but one of them is fasting..
Btw who is the second guy?
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
A few of my friends got married while in university. In certain cases I know of, the parents decided to let the kids get married to make their interactions halal and then did the rukhsati after they completed their education etc. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
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That is true that you need to meet certain requirements to marry but for some people that may take their whole 20s, a time when hormones are running high. Fasting does help but i guess not all guys have the same amount of will power or resistance especially if they find someone they think they can be in a rishta with. If they do meet someone like that then waiting gets hard. It’s not impossible but it’s not easy either especially if they have alternative of marrying. Are parents allowed to help someone in supporting their wife.
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According to the first lecturer, it should be the guy’s parents.
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I know A LOT of guys who got married during their schooling, and at the time, they did not have monetary support. It was usually the guys with decent financial backing from their parents that could do this. What happens to the guy whose parents are struggling?
My dad works hard, and we don’t have any sons, but I can say that no boy in our family got married that young. And if my dad had sons, I doubt he’d marry them off until they were financially stable on their own. He hasn’t even married us girls off yet, because he wanted us to finish our schooling.
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Two things, its a norm in society for husbands to be older than wives, although the pattern is changing nowadays.
Secondly, older women may think that a younger guy may loose interest in them after some time.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
I dunno, I’m getting interests from guys about 1-4 years younger than me all the time, in fact, I have to remind them I’m 30, and they’re 25/26. Most seem not to care. I usually have to tell them to please go run this by their mom first, before she flips out later.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
So if the family and mother were supportive. Or if they were liberal minded and otherwise guy is good, would you still have issues marrying younger?
Younger generations are more liberal and open minded. For us age is merely a number. Guys don’t live as long as girls so don’t you want a guy to be around in your old age? Why pursue an older guy who is stubborn and old fashioned when you can find someone malleable who appreciates your confidence and drive? Look for matching mindsets rather than age.
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This is a trend in our communities.
Br. Nouman Ali Khan was all for ‘boys’ getting married at a tender age! He seems to have reversed his opinion on it lately. Br. Nouman is of the DFW area where we have seen a spate a young marriages where both ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ are young. Parents see it as a way to keep their sons from preventing zina whereas the ‘girl’ is the halal entertainment. Anyways, we have seen quite a few of these young marriages end bitterly , and in some cases the ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ have been married a year or so, have a baby, also attending college, all on mom/dads dime! and now divorced.
I’ve seen the trend where girls/women wait till they are older to get married, then we have complaints over the lack of rishtas.
Then we have the trend of the younger rishtas , barely out of high school etc, and again problems arise.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
Come to the Dallas metroplex area and you will see a large number of these marriages; the ‘girl’ is a senior in high school the ‘boy’ is a freshman in college. or both are in college.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
How about the other way around where the girl is in college and the guy in high school?
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
there are a lot of reasons why an older woman would like a younger guy even desi girls are noticing
http://anamikas.hubpages.com/hub/Why-do-some-Women-date-or-marry-Younger-Men-cougar-dating
Besides females in their 30s are often times better looking and more confident than women in their 20s. Something to look forward to ladies. 30s to 40s is prime time for females.
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^ Lord have mercy, this is not a discussion on older women marrying young women, but whether in American culture, people should be marrying so young in the first place. I’m not even talking about 30 year old women here.
Re: Boys Getting Married Young
We saw the same trend here in south florida. It was common for people to be getting married without even college under their belt, often fresh out high school. Similar maulvi teachings around here of getting kids married young.
There seems to be a huge emphasis on this from these neo-religious ulema of the USA, whereas I don’t know if they understand what the consequences of these actions would be.
Like you said a lot of these end up in divorces early, and what’s worse is this trend of getting a nikkah without rukhsati so the kids can date and continue with college, and what happens when the girl gets pregnant, and then the guy’s family cancels the whole thing like they’re ending an engagement, when in reality it is a divorce.
I don’t know **how many of these nikkahs are being registered in the US court as actual marriages **or whether families wait until the rukhsati, in which BAD DECISION!! Your kid gets pregnant, no rukhsati, and the boy bails freaking out → and it’s not a registered marriage - bad idea.
Sad, but this stuff happens. There was a guppy here who I spoke to once who admitted he had a nikkah done with a girl, did not register the marriage with the court, and then one night they had an argument and he threw her out and she had to call her father to arrange for a plane ticket for her to go to her father’s home. Dude didn’t even feel bad about it. Also, dude leads namaz in a little madrassah. Sad, right?
Whose multi are you and why are you throwing jaal at PCG