We have 2 daughters. One is 6 1/2 and one is 3. Even at this young age, I am not always very comfortable with boys of their age group playing with them. Maybe younger one playing with boys is Ok, but when boys of 6-7 get close to my daughter, I get really uncomfortable.
I notice that parents of boys (from few families that I know locally) are not that uptight about mingling of their boys with girls of same age. There was one incident when my older one (who is a very reserve girl when it come to boys) got embarrassed when a boy of her age, out of blue, kissed her on cheek. I was extremely unhappy but the parents of the boy just laughed about their son’s ‘CUTENESS’
Do you (parents of young grils) are as protective of your girls or you dont care about young girl/boys playing together.
Just a couple of weeks ago, i was with my friend's year and half old daughter at the party and a 3 years old boy came and started kissing n hugging her(literally harassing her while she wanted to play on her own)- she was uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, so I just picked her up and took her away.. boy's mommy thought I was being silly and over protective, I told her if she isn't comfortable, I am not letting anyone touch her and that includes your son.. long story short, auntie doesnt like me anymore :-(
I dun have daughters yet but I guess I won;t be comfortable with it regardless of the age!
Just a couple of weeks ago, i was with my friend's year and half old daughter at the party and a 3 years old boy came and started kissing n hugging her(literally harassing her while she wanted to play on her own)- she was uncomfortable, I was uncomfortable, so I just picked her up and took her away.. boy's mommy thought I was being silly and over protective, I told her if she isn't comfortable, I am not letting anyone touch her and that includes your son.. long story short, auntie doesnt like me anymore :-(
I dun have daughters yet but I guess I won;t be comfortable with it regardless of the age!
aww comeon - 3 year olds have NO clue. They just want to hug someone to DEATH sometimes... and they are not even aware that hugging so tight might be a problem
TLK, I DO care, very much. I keep an eye on things for sure. Yet my boyz are in US and in Public school and so half their classmates are girls. My middle son is my gentle giant, the other boys in his class play really rough and he tends to shy away from that. His sports are bike riding and swimming and he doesnt like rough play. So a good number of his friends are girls. I began teaching all my boys from an early age to be gentle and to be polite. So when they play with girls, they do fine but I do keep an eye for sure. If I had been blessed with a girl, I might feel differently but definitely living in the west, they have to learn how to live nicely and in harmony with the opposite sex. My boys arent supposed to give kisses except to mom and dad but eldest sometimes forgets and then he's given a reminder. That type of thing I have to keep an eye on - making sure that he doesnt get overly affectionate which he's inclined to.
Also, in the west, kissing is much more accepted as an almost casual thing. Air kissing, greeting kisses, etc are not considered to be much more than a social greeting. I made a huge faux-pas on my first trip to Pak when meeting my hubby-to-be's family by giving them each a kiss on the cheek....acceptable and expected in the west but horrifying over there lol!
You're right to watch over your girls for sure. But not to worry overly much. If a 7-yr old goes to kiss your girl just tell the little guy that this is too much affection for her so perhaps try a (hug, handshake etc)
it wasnt just the hug.. he was touching her face to move it around so he could kiss her.. all this time, she was trying to get out of that place.. she was playing on her own but he was just pushing her n hugging her.. I know he had no clue about anything else but just the fact that she wasn’t comfortsble with it made me uncomfortable too.. what his mom said was wrong though!!!
I think it's better to be on the safer side, and give them enough knowledge on boy/girl relationships, rather than keeping them away from mingling.
So that is my question then. I am sure that being part of a relatively conservative society, we are more protective towards our girls. Because I dont have boyes, so I cant tell but do parents of boys keep the same standards and tell them how frank they can get with other girls or no?
Maybe someone who has both boys and girls as kids can answer that in a better fashion.
I think segregation breeds issues. And honestly if I had daughters I'd want them to be fully aware and compentant around boys.
TLK you sure you having issues with boys doesnt have anything to do with how you percieved girls at that age? - I'm not mocking you, completely serious. Am assuming that you were raised in Pakistan right? That difference and the whole generational gap should account for some differences in how the issue should be treated now.
You can't put at bay the boys but you can teach your daughter how to handle them.
Next time she's in an uncomfortable position; tell her she has everyright to yell at the boy. Bet the parents won't think its cute after their bacha gets a chapal across his face.
aww comeon - 3 year olds have NO clue. They just want to hug someone to DEATH sometimes... and they are not even aware that hugging so tight might be a problem
because of their 'anatomy' they learn about their sensitive parts way before girls can, may out of curiosity, although I heard that moms are to blame for that also cause when they wash that area of the little boys during bath, they involuntarily introduce them to the pleasure.
So when a boy gets too close to my daughters, I have no idea what is going through that kids mind and what kind of pleasure he is seeking. That is just too uncomfortable for me to even think about, sometimes.
MO3, you are right about customs of this country. A shake hand is ok, but an overly enthusiastic hug or a kiss form a boy to my girls makes me really uncomfortable.
Thing with American families, they are more careful about what their kids watch on TV and TV shows & movies having rating system really helps.
With some of our bollywood loving desi families, where indian movies have no rating system, kids get exposed to all kind of weirdness and vulgarity at very young age. When I enter a desi house with young boys and I see that tv is on and set on some desi channel for whole day cause mom keeps herself entertained the whole day while taking care of house chores by keeping desi tv on, I become very uptight.
There was this desi family (niks mentioned it once) where mother was changing diapers of young daughter, brother was in the room, he looked at the sister and said, man she is hot. Now he probably does not even know what he is saying, but the fact that he learned that from some desi movie was evident.
Please this thread is not against young boys or their parents. If anything, I am actually admitting my weakness and paranoid behavior in this thread
In US public schools kids of bothe sexes are taught to respect other's space. In our school district hugging friend's of the same sex is discouraged.
In most cases, I have seen that as kids grow up (school age) they play more with same sex kids due to the different interests & attitudes of boys & girls. However, outside of school parents need to teach their kids based on their own religious/cultural values.
I have other issues too like, OK I may sound like a paranoid mom, oh what the heck, I am a paranoid mom, but the other day I saw my neighbor’s son doing pee pee outside his house on the side. He just pulled out his thingie and went off on the trash can, then shook it and put it bag into his shorts. Then, as if nothing happened, he went back to play on the street. I yelled out at my daughter to come back home because all of a sudden at 3 pm I decided to serve dinner .
Yeah OK I know she will be exposed to all kinds of stuff at school, and who knows what is on the shopping cart that she touches, but when I see something bad with my own eyes, I become aware. Obviously that kid’s ma hasn’t taught him bathroom etiquettes, but that’s not my problem.
But see, I can’t have my child playing with a kid who may have urine on his hands, eh?
TLK you sure you having issues with boys doesnt have anything to do with how you percieved girls at that age? -
Seriously, that could be the issue. I was a young boy once and I know that boys of that age are curious about girls and that could be reason behind my paranoid behavior.
But that is not the only reason. We were not exposed to that much of Sex that kids of today get exposed to so we did not know a boy from a girl, honestly.
TLK because kids now adays are aware of more Sex related issues they are more aware and educated and knowledgable on the subject.
And its not such a taboo.
You know teh whole star crossed effect right? 'I want what I can't have'
don't let them not have the company of boys.
No no, I wont keep them away from the company of boys, as long as we teach them the limits (that my older one is already aware of), that is perfectly fine if they associate with boys and girls both.
My concern is, families of our immediate social circle seem to be more relaxed about their boys than their daughters. SO my issue is not what I am teaching my girls, but what they are teaching their boys.
me like this a lot!
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