Im sure this will be countered with excuses like “we were paying our way” or something else…
So you admit this sort of thing is pretty normal for you?
Hmmm…so we’ve got a couple with a new born baby. Hubby works, pays the household expense for his parents because they are his responsibility now. Wife is working to take care of her own parents because she has no brothers and her parents are elderly now. She has a new born that stays with her parents during the day…she is a selfish cow now? WOW.
It just seems like your answers are so immature…my heart breaks when I read your responses because none of them have any rhyme or reason to them…and the worst part is…you dont even know it.
I just had a feeling that nadz comment about condom was in response to CM's comment of selling the kids not for working mothers I think ....
On the other hand I agree that things can not be generalized.. Allah knows what one has in his/her heart. So what is the intention of leaving kids to grand parent we dont know abt it.
I m in KSA , we have two kids . My wife is stay home from beginning but due to my son's delayed speech we have decided to have either my parents or my wife's parents to be with us always so my wife can give time to my son and daugther doesn't feel neglected.
Okay Nadz... let me tell you my story.... I currently work full-time and I have a 4 year old. I'm also pregnant right now..... I started working when my daughter was 8 months old, since my husband had a really crappy job and we hated raising our daughter in a crappy $500 rent wala apartment in Flordia which we had to share with cockroaches & bugs (I shudder when I think of that) and mexican laborers living downstairs who drank beer every single night, we couldn't afford anything else :( so I started working and sent her to a daycare.
Alhamdulillah, I got a great job offer... was earning more than my husband, we moved to a better apartment, after a few months husband got a better job offer so he could quit his crappy one, daughter was happy at daycare so I didn't quit.... we saved up and then we moved to Virginia and now MashaAllah my husband is making double what I make and we have our own house and a good life we can give to our kids. Now, InshaAllah I'm going to quit when my second one arrives (although my mom doesn't want me to) and will go back to work when he/she's old enough to go to daycare/preschool.
I have mashaAllah had a good experience working and raising my child, she has better manners than a lot of kids I know, is very naughty also :p and mashAllah is very smart and can even read at this age all by herself (I taught her how to, no daycare/preschool involvement in that... they were amazed when they saw her reading). And my daughter is happier going to school as opposed to staying home, the days I work from home..... she makes me drop her to school since she says she's bored at home all by herself and needs to play with her friends.
Again reha, you are not getting my point. what your saying is another situation altogether. my point was soley on hus/wife leaving kids with parents all day long, all year long, and only picking them up at night, and expecting it to be a done deal with their parents. extreme siituations are all diff. my point was that it just was not fair.
and yes i did pay my way, not that its anyones concern here, my thread is different, and i wasnt accusing anyone here on doing something wrong, it was a general statement, you however, are being personal.
i guess coming onto this forum and posting personal issues is pointless as one day the GS mafia will just backstab you with it.
I find it funnier when I go to someone's house, they're a SAHM mom and their kids are glued to the Cartoon Network.
How about we generalize a little more and talk about how kids being raised by women who arent working get all their education from the television? They dont need a nanny...they have Sponge Bob!
I find it funnier when I go to someone's house, they're a SAHM mom and their kids are glued to the Cartoon Network.
How about we generalize a little more and talk about how kids being raised by women who arent working get all their education from the television? They dont need a nanny...they have Sponge Bob!
yes that is a point. but it doesnt mean that if the working mother gives her kids to her mum and dad, that the day will be all filled with lessons from the quran and a maths and english class, im sure at times even grandparents can just put them in front of the tv....
inshallah i plan to stay at home until kids at school, and work during shcool hours, now, sitting at home wathcing cartoon network already bugs me, i see my own brother doing it, and hes 13, and i have to force him to go out play, or do some homework or read/write etc....
Yeah, mine was not really an extreme situation.... but we hated it, I cleaned and cleaned but the bugs just wouldn't go away and spraying was out of the question cuz now we had an infant at home. We found out how hard practical life is after we had a baby...... people pass a lot of judgmental comments on me too, when they find out I started working with an 8 month old and at the mention of daycare their eyes go wide. I just ignore them now :)
Again reha, you are not getting my point. what your saying is another situation altogether. my point was soley on hus/wife leaving kids with parents all day long, all year long, and only picking them up at night, and expecting it to be a done deal with their parents. extreme siituations are all diff. my point was that it just was not fair.
and yes i did pay my way, not that its anyones concern here, my thread is different, and i wasnt accusing anyone here on doing something wrong, it was a general statement, you however, are being personal.
i guess coming onto this forum and posting personal issues is pointless as one day the GS mafia will just backstab you with it.
When you point fingers at someone's lifestyle, its personal for them.
Why do women work in the first place? Is it easy for them to leave their kids? Even if its their parents? Are you the only woman on this entire forum to give birth or get pregnant? The emotions you have...are they new to mankind? Do you not think other women feel the same way about their babies? Or are you the only one blessed with a maternal instinct? When you think of your baby being away from your arms...do you think that feeling is specific only to you?
A working mother doesnt feel the same way? Of course they do and here is another reality: they have to feel those cravings for their babies...and they dont even have the luxury of giving into them. Its worse. Most women work out of necessity and to be able to provide a better future for their kids. To have a college fund, to pay bills, to pay for braces ($10,000 a pop), etc. Are these things free in the UK? They arent here. We dont have an inheritance sitting around to pay for all of this.
REHA, your blibbering. Just because I am preg/giving birth now whatever, wasnt the reason i posted this thread. god.
if you bother to read my first post again on this, i gave examples of what id seen, and knew. and i found that extremely poor. and I know this girl. Not looking at her from the outside.
I am talking about a certain lifestyle, giving kids to parents, who should be at their age, not contracted to it. I am not waiting for sob stories from people about how its necessary for them. i wasnt attacking anyone here, i was attacking the kind of thought where people expect their parents to look after their kids almost like its a prerequisite.
It also sucks to be dependent on your spouse for every little thing, I've seen my mom go through it.... accounting for every little penny she spent.... asking dad for money, buying us uniforms, books and clothes and not spending anything on herself, I HATED it when I was growing up and frankly, I'm not going to do that to my kids.
Its always good to be financially independent and Alhamdulillah I'm helping out my parents too, my mom doesn't need to ask my dad for pocket money any more :D
Yeah, mine was not really an extreme situation.... but we hated it, I cleaned and cleaned but the bugs just wouldn't go away and spraying was out of the question cuz now we had an infant at home. We found out how hard practical life is after we had a baby...... people pass a lot of judgmental comments on me too, when they find out I started working with an 8 month old and at the mention of daycare their eyes go wide. I just ignore them now :)
Honey, you dont need to justify anything, and i dont need to either, although its too late now. however, i was not attacking anyone personally, it was the train of thought that is common these days, especially when girls now have degrees/alot of experience and the common thought is oh well we alwyas have our parents..
alot of people go to work because they want to, i.e im not talking any old job, i know lots of girls who have trained to become laywers or something specialised like that, and their thinking is how can i give up my 2 years training now, i have to work, otherwise whats the point in my education blah blah.....
i also saw a woman who out of desperation to pay bills, took up job as a cleaner/anything just to get some money.
i certainly dont compare the two situations and i did say time and time again, that extreme situations are different, and everyone is diff.
REHA, your blibbering. Just because I am preg/giving birth now whatever, wasnt the reason i posted this thread. god.
if you bother to read my first post again on this, i gave examples of what id seen, and knew. and i found that extremely poor. and I know this girl. Not looking at her from the outside.
I am talking about a certain lifestyle, giving kids to parents, who should be at their age, not contracted to it. I am not waiting for sob stories from people about how its necessary for them. i wasnt attacking anyone here, i was attacking the kind of thought where people expect their parents to look after their kids almost like its a prerequisite.
Uff larki, Pakistan mein bhi the grandparents have always taken care of the grandkids, even when the moms are not working and are at home..... they LIKE doing it, you're not forcing it upon them.
My MIL came to visit me two years ago and my daughter was still going to daycare, she ordered me to leave my daughter at home and spent all day doing her chores.... from waking her, feeding her, giving her a bath to everything else.... even after I came home, she would say let me play with her.... she did it for 2 months straight and even now when I go to Pakistan, she takes over everything. The grandparents like taking care of their grandkids, it gives them a sense of happiness and belonging, I don't know why you're saying its forced on them.
Secondly, the sob story as you're calling it is a real experience, a FACT as opposed to your assumptions about the grandparent relationship. I do not expect sympathy from people or them to say oh you're an azeem khatoon.... its stated as it happened, you just do what you gotta do in your circumstances....
