both parents work, kids with inlaws?

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

nadz....this may be just me misremembering an older post of yours but i'm pretty much sure you yourself are living with your parents right now...not only you, but also your husband. I remember you discussing how your husband is having issues finding a job but good thing is you don't have any bills or rent/mortgage or groceries as your parents take care of all that.

soooo isn't this like, now your parents will be taking care of you, your husband, AND your kid? isn't that alot worse than someone who just has the grandparents babysit the kid for a couple days or weeks? how are you giving your parents a "break" or "time to chill in their old age" when you're kinda just being a burden to them by not working and getting you and husband out on your own?

there was a smile at the bottom of where i said use a condom. if only people opened their eyes to everthing they read, and not just what they want to read.

true ! I thought the same when I read some of the posts here.

It's probably best that you learn that you can't. Control tone via text. A straight smiley can have obnoxious implications. The point is you meant to be obnoxious, and that's how it was taken.

I'm not even sure why you started this thread, since you don't seem interested in any discussion.

And yamaha guy's post was very different from yours.

okay here we go, time to tell my whole life story.

alhumduliah he has a job now, a better one. we didnt sit around for months milking the benefits system and being freeloaders and assuming our parents would look after us, when i concieved, he was working then as welll, now huis contract finishing after, wasnt something we knew ok?

secondly yes we are, and it was temp accomodation because we are finding ahouse in the area, whcih we will move into in a month or two..ok so now you know, are you comparing..?

and why would my dad buy diapers or my mum do the shopping, thats disgraceful, even if i was on my last pennies i would never do that, even for the few weeks my husband never had a job, we paid our way, i hated the fact my mother even bought stuff for us, because i did feel like we were freeloading..and hey im talking about food.....nothing major here.

i would want my parents to retire from everything,all the hard work they ahve done for us, living with them and helping them out as well, for a few months is whole different ball game to me giving them my kid when she/he born and waddling off to work, for the next 5 years.....and i mean giving them to her and treating it like its a job for them....5 days week, 9 hours aday....we women, always say how motherhood is never appreciated, how men think we sit all day long eating chips and watchin star plus...how we get offended, well looking after kids we say, is hard, so whys that fair on our parents to look after not just their own kids, but their kids kids...

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

Nadz my dear! You are about to have a baby in a couple of weeks so don't stress your brains too much :p

and ur telling me how my response was meant to mean from me? i should know.my smileys dont work, otherwise id use them. and as people do know me here by now, i doubt id use any kinda smiley had i been completely serious.

secondly, it was the same point as yahama....same point, differently said. but thats what i meant, and people know it. wehter its chosen to be believed or not, is besides the point.

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

what discussion sahar..you cant discuss anything here, as people are always quick to be offended here, i know im talking to a bunch of muslims here, when all i read is oh that was offensive/this was offensive, people say things to me on here all the damn time, and i never come and say oh you offended me.....i get over it...and learn to have an answer other than oh thats offensive,.even it is, i didnt pinpoint to anyone in particualar here and say your too immature to have kids..( reha the MOD), and the rest....

sooo...its OK to use the parents' availability to your advantage for as long as you need it (saving up on rent, electricity, gas, cable tv, etc) but somehow its not OK if a working mother uses a grand parents' availability to save on babysitters?

Frankly I find your comments about grandparents helping out just as rude and selfish.

Usually when a child is just born, most parents, at least mothers, come stay with the new parents for a few weeks to help them out..it is so common in our culture and probably others as well....no its not being held hostage or anything...

You are making it sound as if the parents are braindead who have no opinions and thoughts of their own. Ever thought about how maybe they WANT to take care of their grandchildren?

First there was bashing working mothers for leaving them with daycares/babysitters, now they're being bashed for leaving them with grandparents..... Wonderful people.

:] ( oh look sahar..another smily...can you please tell me what i mean here)

im not stressing aminas.....how can i stress over stuff like this, i have worse arugments with people and then my mum rushes to check my blood pressure, and its normal...and shes hiraannnnn,people assume i must be red faced and raging and about to keel over....:]

Actually we paid our way, ta very much, and its for 3 months,..are you seriously comparing, so i guess when the rent lease expired we should have just laid down on the streets......and another thing, my parents FORCED us beforehard NOT to leave, and wait a year while we gain financial savings etc and then move out, however we didnt want to be a BURDEN on them,however nicely put, AND we moved out.....nothing was free, we already knew and discussed that. parents also had 3 extra bedrooms free.....not like i was kicking out my brothers and ssiters.

my point again your missing.

is not that parents CANT EVER look after ur kids, of course they can, my point is when its a routine, when its like a job for them, daily, day in day out, and 5 days a week, certain times every day...its a JOB....

me and my husband not only paid our way, but did a whole lot more because of this. and my parents certaintly were not LOOKING AFTER US`....its not the same looking after that they would have done had i given them a baby, 5 ndays week 9 hours a day....

and thankyou for saying this...

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

Parents can look after our kids, people missing my initial point. i meant its not their duty to look after them the whole time, daytimes mainly, for the whole week, while the parents, us lot, are both working full time. my cousins comes over once a week with her kids and nanni plays with them etc etc for a few hours, are you saying pkgirl..thats she using her mum to save electricity on those few hours and bring her kids to her mothers..? there are 2 diff points.

i would gladly have my mum want to sit and play with kids....thats different to expecting her to sit and play 5 days week, 9 hours aday.....

Sarajee, may be I'm immature, but I do have common sense.....Yes, having a baby is joy for the whole family.....new grandparents come and live with their children and enjoy the sight of their grandchildren.....But the problem starts after few months.....when the new mother regains her strength and starts her job and leaves her child behind....expecting her MIL or mother to clean the potty of her child and feed their grandchildren......

I dont mind if you quit your job and keep your child and MIL/mother together.....but people start working... dont want to spend money on babysitter and expect their parents to be the nanny.

Your parents will always say 'yes' to you in this case....but that does not give you the right to exploit their "yes"....especially when you are living in west and bringing them from India or Pakistan

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

and by the pkgirl looking after a grown 23 yr old woman, is not the same as looking after a toddler...and my mother certaintly wasnt looking after me....

[quote="yamahaguy"]

Sarajee, may be I'm immature, but I do have common sense.....Yes, having a baby is joy for the whole family.....new grandparents come and live with their children and enjoy the sight of their grandchildren.....But the problem starts after few months.....when the new mother regains her strength and starts her job and leaves her child behind....expecting her MIL or mother to clean the potty of her child and feed their grandchildren......

I dont mind if you quit your job and keep your child and MIL/mother together.....but people start working... dont want to spend money on babysitter and expect their parents to be the nanny.

Your parents will always say 'yes' to you in this case....but that does not give you the right to exploit their "yes"/QUOTE

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

sara516-yes its common in our culture for mothers of the girl to come and stay with her when she has a baby for a while, yes it is, and thats nice and all. however its not as nice when its expected afterwards that nanni/daddi will take care while we are off. i found it odd when people expect me to give my kids to my mum and run back to work....why? if i wanted to work and pay my mortgage and not live on the breadline, then surely i would have STAYED AT WORK AND NOT BECOME PREGNANT in the first place....the first few years of a childs upbringing is imp, and i dont ever want my kids to say oh you werent there for me.....its heartbraking for ME, when i see the girl i know, who gives her kids to her mum 5 days week when shes working, her own kid cries when her own mum picks her up, why?because she prefers to stay with nanni now.

Anyone here who has given their kids to daytime care with their parents can i ask you one thing, did you ask your parents beforehand if this was ok with them? and anyway, im sure they would say yes, im sure thats because they wont have the heart to say no.

So, you’re saying women who go out and work are not giving priority to their families? That sounds so ridiculous I dont even want to address it.

This is what I mean…tunnel vision and a one track mind that believes ITS OWN path is THE ONLY path.

Sorry, try again.

:k:

Ive no idea what kind of people you are talking about. Ive not run into a single woman who has taken advantage of her parents or inlaws. In fact, Ive noticed working women are even more conscious of their off-time being spent with their kids because they’re at work during the day. Why is this such a problem for people?

If a woman works, she is a bad mother. If she doesnt work, she is a SAHM who is a brainless twit.

Do your thing and leave the judging for the only person who is allowed to judge…definitely NOT you.

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

I never said SAHM are brainless twits ms reha.