both parents work, kids with inlaws?

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

Ok. :)

22

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

honestly I think Sara's reply was very much needed.. no one needs to offend anyone in general!!! we have had enough of bashing for working mothers, stay at home mothers and what not.. mother is a mother, dun label her and dun make judgements on how she chooses to raise her kids!

Re the topic: As far as I know grand parents love raising and spending time with their grand children.. for them it's an honor not a task!

23

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

im sorry but im also a bit offended by nadzz comment bout the usage of a condom... grow up love .. ure soon to be a mother :)

and what sara said was absolutely right.. dotn wanna derail teh thread but if a working woman should not be having kids and be suggested to use a condom by our very dear nadzz (cuz she thinks thats the way to go) than i think our opinion should also hold bout immature drama queens having babies.. they too should use condoms to refrain from bringing in anymore of their drama into this world.

see.. not so nice now eh nadzz... dont give a verdict like the one you did before you even know what is being talked bout ok?

peace

:)

24

I think its one thing if there is a dire need to work/study, but its another thing to work because you simply because you want to, whilst you're pre-school child is looked after by others (daycare or relatives) during the day.

The former you have no choice, whereas the latter you make that choice underlying the key differences that show where your priorities lie.

Careers should not supercede the needs of a child, regardless of how happy the child 'seems'.

25

:)

26


I think leaving your child under qualified childcare or under the supervision of a trusted relative for a certain amount of time during the week is very different from giving away the child. I could never give away my child, even to my mother or MIL, but I would certainly feel comfortable leaving her with them because I know that they would care for her with love and that they would provide a good, structured, and constructive environment.

I would also feel comfortable leaving her in a daycare, if/when I choose to go back to work, provided that the daycare is highquality.

This does not mean I am a bad mother, or that I have given up my role as a mother. It simply means that my child will grow up seeing me as capable of fulfilling a variety of different roles, and will realize that she can do the same.

My cousin leaves her children with their nani during the day (who usually runs a daycare from her home), and it works out great. I also know of an auntie who went through medical school and residency, etc, while her MIL helped out with the kids and they also had some hired help to maintain the house. These women are GREAT mothers and their children are not only successful and well-adjusted, but also very attached to their mothers. They are not confused about who raised them.

I also know of one auntie who asked her mother to raise her second daughter for the first few years because her first daughter had so many issues. I don't think I would ever do that, but both girls seem lovely and happy in their parents' home, so I don't think it was detrimental in any obvious way.

There are lots of different possibilities out there for leading a successful life and for being a good and nurturing mother. Simply because someone's method is different from your own doesn't mean it's bad.

And suggesting that working mothers should have used birth control is disgusting and shameful. If they are providing love, support, and good home for their children, who are you to say that they shouldn't? And frankly, I agree with Sara. Maybe that comment should be thrown back at you.

27

Yes, the two circumstances are different, HOWEVER, you seem to assume that the woman in the latter choice is a bad mother whose priorities are wrong. I think it is very challenging to be a working mother, BUT I see a lot of women out there who work and look after not only their children, but also their entire household, and they are excellent at it. Sending children to a trusted and high quality day care is not BAD. It does take a lot of commitment to find a good one and to make quality time for your children, but I have yet to meet a working woman of Pakistani descent who is a bad mother.

Also daycare is not the same as preschool; if a child is preschool age, s/he should be exposed to some structured time with other children that challenges and educates her/him.

28

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

I just find it odd that you're passing judgement on SAHM and working mothers...when havent even had a baby yet. You're still pregnant and have no idea what your life will be like when your child gets here.

Yes, the perfect picture of being home with your child during their developmental years is appealing (you need to stop watching so much TV). However, we all have different views on raising kids. As much planning as I do, I really have no clue what to expect once I am a mom. Just like that, your views right now seem very..............idealistic to me. They have no practicality behind them. Some people need to work to make ends meet. No, its not as simple as living with what your husband brings home...its not possible at times with a new mouth to feed. What if the man is responsible for his parents? What if the man is supporting his siblings through school? What if he is supporting his WIFE'S parents? Yeah, I do know some men like that.

One more thing...being hormonal during pregnancy is fine. However, being constantly unreasonable and offensive and using your pregnancy as a license to do is entirely another. My sister is pregnant, she has been pregnant before also...I dont see her running her mouth about things she knows nothing about.

I feel you're too immature for motherhood.

29

I don't think so. :) sorry to say but that was a useless rant, she didn't pointed out anyone in particular but you said such a horrible thing to her, very disappointing.

nadz dear

Take a break from gupshup. Good luck with everything and I honestly believe that you'll make a very good mother inshallah.

30

Our parents had tough time bringing us up, now you want your parents to bring your kids up as well...thats very selfish and rude of you.....why cant you let your parents live peacefully in their old age...........if you cant afford a baby sitter why on earth did you have kids in the first place????

just becoz they are our parents & love us, that does not give us liberty to abuse them in their old age.....If have seen guy dropping off his MIL to airport and picking up his Mother the same day.......the departure and arrival time was almost same(no waste of time)......reason they just had a baby.....

All they need is a free and reliable nany for their child........lets your parents live in peace at least in the old age.

If you cant afford a babysitter then dont make babies.

Bring your parents when they want to come, dont hold them as hostages.

31

Its okay if its disappointing to some...been there myself. We all have differing views and I guess thats the beauty of it.

The issue: it was a general blanket post about all working mothers. I dont understand why when you dont even know how your life will be as a mother. How can you be so opinionated about something you know nothing about?

Is it so horrible? I cant imagine it being any more horrible than judging women who have to or want to work. Practically all the women I know are working mothers and not a single one of them is negligent or irresponsible.

32

So it's okay if I say "Reha, I feel you can never become a good wife"?

No, it wasn't, she said " know of a few people, who have kids and then give them to the parents of the girl/boy to look after for many days a week, 5 days a week, because both parents are working, i even know someone who had her kids live with her mum, because she didnt hve time to look after her own kids*. then the girls mother and father moved to wales, and she told the mum to take her daughter with her.................so the girls daughter lives with her nanni...in wales......and her parents are here in london working.....*

i find this rotten, its not anyone but the parents of the kids job to look after their own kids, otherwise dnt have them

i also know of people who both work, yet spend the entire months salaries on child care...whats the point....."

She has some good points and she's talking about people around her not all the working mothers on gupshup.

If you disagree with someone then don't even reply to her and if you do then try to convince her logically instead of coming up with insults and taunts.

33

Hareem dear, since I have no idea who you are and vice versa...I dont know if I would take offense to that. In fact, I would hardly take your comment seriously. We have such differing views/experiences...useless to give it a second thought...it is a fun Life1 topic though so thanks for that.

She definitely has some good points for people who dont have to work and have the luxury of staying home............................and thats about it.

34

See above.

:)

35

two contradictory statements !

considering the above , why then Reha can not give her views (with logic).....what makes her different ?

36

firstly why should i have? im not the one with the kid, whose then left them with someone else all day long and gone to work, and then come here and start bashing people who do.......my husband has a job now thankgod, and i didnt think i needed to come here and start a thread on that matter.

secondly, its ok for CM and other people to give funny/offensive/however it sounds answers to most peoples thread here which are normally met with people laughing and taking most comments as a joke, but if i say something, then its usually offensive....get over urselves.

This thread wasnt even about me, and i hope il never be in a situation where i leave my kids with anyone, doesnt matter even if its grandparents....its my parents time to enjoy and chill, and relax, not run around after lil toddlers, yes its nice that they teach them quran, of course, all these things are nice, my point wasnt that kids should not be left with them at all, my point was that its not their duty, to have kids with them, from 9 to 5 every day, doesnt matter that they are willing, of course they are....which grandparent would have the heart to say no.

yes in certain situatiosn, these things cant be helped, but nowadays its taken for granted, like everyone assumes that after i have had my baby i will run off to work because nanna nanni hain na, ya daadi dadda hai na...er....no.

37

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

so the comment by CM i think, was that kids should be sold for money, ISNT DISGUSTING, however me saying use a condom is...is it me, or had i been a man saying the same thing, all the women here would be fluttering their eyelashes and giggling at my statements......

38

Listen to me, i've been through a lot, i've been through a situation where i wasn't getting the luxeries and comforts of life and i was in need of money and a job but i didn't give up, i learnt to live with few pounds or no pounds but couldn't separate myself from my kids for few hours.....because it's all about the priority you give to money or to your kids. got it?

39

thankyou. my point exactly.

i dont see anyone bashing you here, oh i see, your a guy...thats why, the women here love harsh statements from the male gender, treat em mean, keep em keen.....

and i cant believe im getting bashed for wanting my parents to having a relaxing old age....ey? so i would be ppraised if i gave my kids over to them all day long, its not easy, looking after your own kids, why assume its a privelege for our parents to look after our kids.....

40

Re: both parents work, kids with inlaws?

IMHO it differs from individual to individual, some poeple go a great job with their kids being at home, some people mess it up even while being at home, some raise awesome kids while working, some leave it up to the nannies and grandparents and have zero involvement.... you can't just generalize and make a sweeping statement about all working women or Stay at home moms.... like I said earlier, do not pass judgement.....

I've seen people saying I will NEVER EVER do that and Allah miyaan shows them how they should not be proud and puts them in a situation where they end up doing exactly what they said they would never do (Khudanakhuwasta). So its never good to pass judgement about others and be all full of yourself.

P.S. Nadz.... CM's comment was obviously a sarcastic ha-ha one while yours wasn't... it was pretty offensive, plus who takes CM seriously, he is always trolling... while you are always so serious about your posts.