Re: bi-racial relationships
^^ Its not only Pakistani people that have this fixation with light skin. Even black people have it to.
Check out this episode of Tyra Banks Show about Black people bleaching their skin to lighten it.
Oh and they’re mostly good looking too. 
Re: bi-racial relationships
my post might disappoint u Farrah but i'm not a big fan of bi-racial marriages. well by luck i never got involved with any guy from other ethinicity or my views might hav been diff. when i see indian guys with gori chiks or paki guys marrying philiphinos i just wonder"kia humaray haan achchi larkian nahi hain?" personally i would find it very hard to adjust in different culture or religion. haan as for friends we hav friends from diff races. so i don't think i'm really racist i just don't find such combos attractive. but those who adjust well and go along well n are happy together good for them. i see a lot of sacrifice in such ties. So not my cup of tea.
So how do u n ur guy communicate. do u try to learn each other's language or its english whole time?
Re: bi-racial relationships
Right, As i am actually Mixed race, My mother being english and my father pakistani.
Im sorry but its a total disaster! My mum can speak punjabi not urdu, She wears the clothes and converted to Islam.
She became one of those 'extreme' converts that get excited abt a new thing. Then that phase went and she says shes muslim but its jus a word theres alot of practical stuff to do b4 u call ur self a muslim. My dad cant communicate with her, Which causes ALOT of problems. How pakistani women are their very sweet and they will cook food and basically their whole lives revolves around their husband. English woman wont do this, and i feel for my dad coz hes missed out on it BIG TIME!. I'm more Pakistani have always been into the pakistani community than the english side.
It just wont work, Either the pakistani becomes a total gora and disown's his pakistani side (then thats not fair on the kids) I've seen PLENTY of mixed relationships end up in divorce.. Its simple marry your own kind, Stick to what you know.
Re: bi-racial relationships
^ Oh and btw i am no way ashamed of being mixed race either. I feel very blessed to be Mixed. But i dont reccommend mixed marriages at all.
Re: bi-racial relationships
i know this lady who keeps claiming her mom is french n dad from USA but she looks pure SE Indian by looks. So ppl keep guessing her as Indian n she has to explain that only her gr8 grandmother was SE and she's 1/8th Indian.
true! one day my mom said this to me and my fiance in a joking manner .. “menukaalay kaalay nianay nayi chaiday” 
(i dont want black grand children)
although it’s impossible to have black kids 
but she still said it … it really portrays our mentality.
it doesnt dissappoint me, it in fact relaxes me that someone is willing to openly disagree. weird that more acceptance was being shown here, while in another forum regarding sunni/shia marriages … it’s going completely crazy!
it’s not that apnay haan larkay larkiyaan kam hai k bahar jana perta hai … in my case, haan kam hain .. nahi mila koi .. bohat dhoonda, i was becoming depressed at what i was finding, what i had experienced. and my fiance now came at just the right moment. if i have found my spark with him, and no one else, i cant help it. and feel absolutely lucky.
currently we communicate in english. it’s not a problem for him cuz he’s always been enroled in international programs always, so it’s cool with him. i have to learn dutch anyways due to the legal requirements and so on …
he isnt learning urdu, but can say some words. perhaps, if he wants, he can learn at a later stage. there is no compulsion.
and “no compulsion” is the beauty of our relationship. i have never told him that you HAVE to do this if you become muslim. even if it is. cuz i know he’ll come to it naturally when he understands. and he has.
it is a disaster because it is true that pakistani girls really are different with the entire house/husband. by no means i am saying that all other girls are horrible. good/bad are everywhere, even within the pakistanis.
with your mother, it came as in instant junoon .. which is never healthy. luckily with my fiance, he didnt fall into it immediately. it’s something he’d been playing with since a very long time, and converted recently.
he took up a minor in islam studies during his bachelors. travelled to all sorts of muslim countries in the asia and africa. did a residency in india for 6 months. and he felt compltely at home in this kind of culture than his own. so his connection with islam came about by the kind of connection he developed with muslims globally, and how he felt living in the subcontinent. often times i tell him that there is nothing dutch about him. he shouldve been born in the subcontinent.
it is working because i was more liberal being in my society, and he was more conservative. and it balanced out when we came together. and it’s lovely how he became my motivation for praying.
he is not fanatically obsessed with his new religion. baby steps! islamic literature and the Qur’an is a part of his lifestyle now more because that is something i am born with, and he needs to get to know all things from the beginning.
but both of us very relaxed people, and hardly have disagreements. MashAllah/Alhamdulillah
what do you think of bi-racial relationships?
what do pakistanis abroad think about a pakistani going out with a guy/girl of whatever other country you're living in?
this includes Pakistanis from every strata of Pakistan, not talking of any specific class/region. there is every sort of very-closed-minded / closed-minded / open-minded family. what's the larger perception of this situation?
how many of you are in a bi-racial relationship, or know someone who is in one? what are their issues? what problems do they face? what are the positive aspects of them being together?
there are no problems , its all madeup and the obsession with being biracial which causes problem.its americans guilty conscience or something that fuels that.
I never had a problem, as I treat everyone as equal, race is NEVER the topic of discussiion, even when I do the nikah.Problem occur when people are OBSESSED with skin color.Like a balack guy dating a white to showoff or a white girl to piss of her parrents etc.
people are people
a very good friend of mine his daughter married a white guy they are very happy no issues .....
another one of my friend married a black woman , never had any problems there either
there are no problems , its all madeup and the obsession with being biracial which causes problem.its americans guilty conscience or something that fuels that. I never had a problem, as I treat everyone as equal, race is NEVER the topic of discussiion, even when I do the nikah.Problem occur when people are OBSESSED with skin color.Like a balack guy dating a white to showoff or a white girl to piss of her parrents etc.
people are people
a very good friend of mine his daughter married a white guy they are very happy no issues ..... another one of my friend married a black woman , never had any problems there either
Totally agree. I was just about to post something very similar to this.
It's seriously just in our own heads. We make things complicated ourselves. Every marriage has so many issues and NO marriage is easy and smooth all the time. I know people who married their own first cousins and got divorced. So many arranged marriages with parents consent endup in disaster. If you keep finding reasons to make it more and more complicated and then blame it on the racial differences then its your own fault. Obviously other people espeically desi community is very critical about these things. But honestly WHO CARES? No one can say that only biracial marriages are unsuccessful.
Re: bi-racial relationships
its not abt colours its more abt cultural differences n mingling with each other's families.ppl within same race can hav diff colours too. we all hav seen fairest pakistanis n darkest african shades. I hav seen some very light coloured somalis. so its not all abt colour. if u love a person colour gets into background.
i had a friend. she had 6 brothers. All married girls from diff countries but all lived separately except one brother n his wife.this girl was turkish,very pretty n humble as my friend would say. when my family n i went to her place everybody sat together and talked but her bhabi. she came just to serve n then disappeared. i hav seen another egyptian girl married to pak boy. they had a gathering all pak ppl invited by family. this gal sat aloof just involved with her kids. nobody talked to her n she talked to nobody. this is the scenario i don't like either u r so mingly, mix easily n take on other's traditions quickly or u feel isolated.
marriage is not just two ppl. its two families. if both families can't communicate, can't understand each other, if they feel uneasy to be together wat's the point? Also if ppl thinks its all abt my spouse n me n i don't need to b with my inlaws..my hubby can visit his family n i'll visit mine u r living in a separate world plus wat abt ur kids? they will love to b with both sets of families but they remain isolated too.
its an old proverb "birds of same flock stick together" beacause thats wat they find comfortable.
marriage is not just two ppl. its two families. if both families can't communicate, can't understand each other, if they feel uneasy to be together wat's the point? Also if ppl thinks its all abt my spouse n me n i don't need to b with my inlaws..my hubby can visit his family n i'll visit mine u r living in a separate world plus wat abt ur kids? they will love to b with both sets of families but they remain isolated too. its an old proverb "birds of same flock stick together" beacause thats wat they find comfortable.
Both families can come together regardless of thier cultural differences. And marriage is MAINLY about two people coming together. If they love each other, they can overcome barrier between the families and over time their families will come together. Kids from mixed racial marraiges can spend equal time with both sides. It's even better because they get to be part of both cultures. They can learn two different langauges and be acquanted with differnt cultures.
My cousin married a Chinese woman and their daughter is so adorable and she can speak mandarin, urdu and english! SHe goes to china for vacations and is comfortable with both cultures.
And the proverb goes like this : **"Bird of a feather, flock together" **not bird of same flock stay together! lol
And that proverb doesn't mean you have to be same culture or race. It means people who are like you. Alteast thats how I see it. Anyone can see it with a racist interpretation but I don't see it that way. I can relate to anyone from any culture as long as they think like me. It's not necessary that i can only think like pakistanis hence i gotta marry one too.
I can "flocK" with whoever is compatible, he can be pakistani, or white, or chinese or any other race in the world.
And what about all those pakistani marraiges ending up in divorce? Theres no language or culture barrier there.
Bottom line is, there will always be complication in marrigae. So many times inlaws have issues with the daughter in law EVEN if they picked her out themselves. THers no guarantee any marriage will work so its rather unfair to say that mixed races cause problems.
Re: bi-racial relationships
^may be i forgot the proverb. read long time ago but thinking n doing r different things. wat u think might not be same when u step into practical life.
Re: bi-racial relationships
Well im not making a big deal out of you forgetting the proverb but interpreting the proverb into racism is not right. Bird of a feather doesn't mean that white should marry white, or pakistanis should marry pakistanis or blacks should marry blacks!
You have no justification for RACISM.
Re: bi-racial relationships
^And it is practical for many people who put love above their race and culture. I have seen it happen and it has worked out for many. For some it hasn't. But that can be said for any marriage. My parents had alot of issues for first few years of marriage and their families hated each other shortly after the wedding even though it was a 100% arranged marriage and my grandmother picked my mom, not my dad. They were close to getting divorced until they had kids and then everything was fine between them. Even now my mom's side cannot stand my dad's family but it DOESN'T matter. In the end its OUR FAMILY that matters to my parents.
Embrace diversity, that all i have to say to you.
then embrace diff opinions too.
the Proverb i stated right or wrong still means wat i wanna say that same kind stick together and ppl of same view n thinking feel comfortable in each other’s company. u failed to understand the underlying message. u say u get along very well with all races but here u r mocking me(the way u corrected me and then added a lol at end) and calling me racist. thats how much it shows ur acceptance level.
well if maroush, mamaof3 n others who r in these marriages say its easy to handle cultural n religious challenges in these marriages. the inlaws from both sides get along very nicely.they didn’t hav to put extra effort and sacrifices in reaching mutual decisions regarding kids etc then it makes more sense but for a single girl who just has views makes no diff to me. plus if u giv ur parent’s example then i must say when its sometimes so hard to get along with ur own race its even harder to get along with others. the issue here is not colour or ethinicity the issue is the gap b/w values and bringing. ppl who make such marriages work make lots of adjustmets, compromises while showing gr8 tolerance, patience and respect. or either of the partners is more laid back n let other take the lead.
Farrah may be this article will be of interest 2 u
Re: bi-racial relationships
it is really in the hands of the girl and guy in question of how they make sure to become part of each others families. if you have the guts to get into a biracial/cultural/religious relationship, then you should have the patience and love to accept the other family, and make them love you back. it takes time, but not forever.
and i agree, it's the bi-cultural relations that face more problems than bi-racial. but what is your culture? how liberal or conservative are you given your default country or lifestyle? if i cant find a pakistani guy who is culturally in sync with my cultural following, isnt that a cultural conflict too? its more about the general wavelength that a couple may experience. that should be in sync.
my in-laws-to-be love me, and my mother loves my fiance more than she loves me. and both of us are absolutely comfortable and completely ourselves in each others' houses.
what fails more is a pakistani boy born and raised abroad, for example, married to a pakistani girl born and raised in pakistan, in an arranged marriage setting. its the same flock, from one perspective. but then again, this does not render purely pakistani marriages in pakistan any better.
so just giving examples of failed and successful marriages from either side of the spectrum does not qualify one as better. but just that both involve humans, and humans are extremely diverse in action and reaction and personality, and are responsible for any failure or success, in any setting.
what i would like to say at the end is ... love is stupid, blind love is unacceptable. make lovely choices, in all consciousness! :D
Re: bi-racial relationships
i'm sure it will work out gr8 for u Farrah IA. u look like a very sensible gal.
Re: bi-racial relationships
why thank you mabrook :D it's working out great so far :D
but check out the patience in this thread ... and compare it to that of the sunni/shia thread ... my God ... now THAT is an issue!
Right, As i am actually Mixed race, My mother being english and my father pakistani. Im sorry but its a total disaster! My mum can speak punjabi not urdu, She wears the clothes and converted to Islam. She became one of those 'extreme' converts that get excited abt a new thing. Then that phase went and she says shes muslim but its jus a word theres alot of practical stuff to do b4 u call ur self a muslim. My dad cant communicate with her, Which causes ALOT of problems. How pakistani women are their very sweet and they will cook food and basically their whole lives revolves around their husband. English woman wont do this, and i feel for my dad coz hes missed out on it BIG TIME!. I'm more Pakistani have always been into the pakistani community than the english side. It just wont work, Either the pakistani becomes a total gora and disown's his pakistani side (then thats not fair on the kids) I've seen PLENTY of mixed relationships end up in divorce.. Its simple marry your own kind, Stick to what you know.
Is your father Pakistani-born?
I think it would be harder for a Pak-born man to settle with an idigneous English woman but easier for a British born Muslim of Paki descemt.
I think a British born Muslim boy of Paki descent and a British born Muslim girl of Anglo descent would be more comptaible with each other than a Biritish born Muslim boy of Paki descent and a Paki-born girl.
I married a Paki-born girl but I'm an exception, I'm very multi-cultured, most Brits (of Paki descent) only care about religion, they don't know much about Paki culture/traditions other than the basic language...
...I think they would be more comfortable with a white girl/boy (provided they are the same religion) who grew up on the same streets, speak the same language, went to the same schools, listened to the same music, watched the same cartoons...
My wife doesn't know what a sherbet fountain (liquorice dips) is, or what it's like to bunk school and eat fish n chips from the local chippy on a cold winter day, she doesn't know who Sooty is either... My wife can't relate to all the naustalgic memeories of my childhood, she's been bought up in a completely different enviroment.
...I tend to find I've more in common with white people my age in this country than Paki ppl in Pak my age (and I spent a few yrs of my childhood in Pk)...
Re: bi-racial relationships
i hav also been brought out of pak. my mentality is diff from average paki i find. i feel a misfit over there but when it comes to language i just can't live with someone not speaking my language. i'm soo much into urdu that i never talk to my kids in english. i prefer boring, plotless desi movies over even nice english one. its my comfort level. for me i hav to b around ppl from my country or even if they r desis i'm fine as long as they speak my language. i thrive on desi company.