Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

I agree.
I went to school with some people STRAIGHT FROM Pakistan and I thought they were far more accustomed to the "western" ideas of clubbing/sex/dating/drinking/drugs than my friends and I who were raised here. Iono, this is a huge generalization but I feel like the type of guy that would be from LUMS/upper society in Pakistan (hence could survive here in terms of language/job qualifications) come with a mentality that is so different from guys here. The ones I've interacted with--both here and in Pakistan--not only had the mentality that I, as an "American", should be okay with the stuff they were doing but they, themselves saw nothing wrong with it. I find it ends up being two things. Either Amreekan = crazy slutty girls that kick out their in laws and send their parents to nursing homes OR Amreekan = being okay with clubbing/that whole life style and encouraging that behavior in your spouse. I'm neither.

I think people here were just raised, for the most part, (again I can only speak for the people I've interacted with in Pakistan and here) to be more aware of their identity as muslims and pakistanis. It's something that a lot of people in other muslim countries don't have to deal with. And the general atmosphere here is different. Regardless of those isolated pockets of "upper class" society in Pakistan, things are still different when compared to here. A LUMS/westernized girl in Pakistan has to deal with the rest of Pakistan and pakistani society when she leaves the house--an environment that is MUCH different than the US. There's certain values/ideologies that are inherent in people living here and there. Though I don't think they're necessarily dealbreakers, I DO think that it requires more time/effort than I would want to put in.

42

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

yah thats what happens in a lot of nationalities they tend to focus solely on their traditions/religion when they are in US so sometimes they are more (if you could ever be lol) traditional/religious than those who are in wherever.

my Pakistani friend in Lahore is more critical about Pakistan than my Pakistani friend in UK however my UK friend is more liberal about talking about sex etc while my Lahore friend is not.

It seems odd to me that somehow people think its ok to not care about your morals while you're in a western country. I've heard about so many stories where Pakistani men make non-Pakistani girlfriends yet they won't introduce them because it'll bring shame to the family or its unheard of etc. makes you wonder why they do it in the first place >_>

43

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Oh where abouts?

44

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

@posts… :hehe:

and my earlier quote

"i am not generalizing…not ALL are like so and so…

but.

…
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…
…
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45

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

and u said there is no difference .... ???

46

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

wow . . . can't pass through color of passport . Need to take of these blue shades and start looking for humanity in humans .

Seriously , thats kinda low .

47

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Western girls with Eastern boys ...lol. The thing is when you look for guys in Pakistan of marriageable age, obvs they've cemented all their beliefs and values etc. If you're liberal and you marry a guy who is liberal by Pakistani standards you're in for some trouble, I think. A lot of cultural differences - Western girl might be less inclined to live with/have her in-laws with her, whereas the guy wouldn't be too fond of that. Erm, dress-wise...I've seen girls who dress a certain way and once married to a Pakistani guy they had to change the way they dressed completely. Career girls tend to have a tougher time with Eastern guys, from what I've seen as well.

Another thing, and I'm not a guy so i'm just saying this from what my SO tells me...guys are on 2 extremes, either they're very rigid...or they go nuts liberally (clubbing, drinking etc). They're very black and white about everything. It's harder for them to adjust to different cultures. Whereas a woman that marries a Western boy - she can adjust much easier. Less restrictions, more open-minded husband etc. Plus women can adjust in general to a load of different situations.

There's always exceptions though, not all Pakistani guys are like that. So, you know... just be smart when looking at potential rishtas.

48

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

^ Good point. Western guy with Eastern girl is much easier.

49

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Wow my sisters must have bagged the only two intellectual men in Pakistan because, according to this thread, there’s no more sane ones left in the country. :rolleyes:

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

I married a pakistani born and bred. I am uk born and bred. I make him give me his salary, around 2k a month, i then give him a tenner from it, convert it into ruppees, which works out like 60billion rupees, tell him he should be grateful that hes even here, and a tenner is worth a million of his money, so he gets happy thinking hes rich, and woops off to his nightshift...

this is why we marry easterners...

:D

51

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Exactly!

52

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

LOL
£10 is currently 1436 pkr :P

and considering you COMPLAIN ALL THE TIME
you're the worst example ever.

53

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

thank you.

54

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

thats because you don’t know it yet… and you probably were wearing green glasses…making u oblivious to countless ‘red flags’ :nahi:

55

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

ummm…sorry Nadz…you’re on your own for this one…i must say i don’t like this post… :nahi:

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

This summarizes the "gap" between Eastern/Western (Girl/Guy).

Unfortunately, society (by and large) in Pakistan is polarized and different silos are prevalent. We have moved to extremes as a nation, either Fundamentalist or Ultra Liberal.

But beyond the above problems, as bebo rightly pointed out, there are several cultural differences between North America and Pakistan. Let's narrow the geographical distance and see if a Pakistani can well adapt in Sri Lanka/Bangladesh/Nepal, probably have to learn and change a lot, what to say of cultural differences between "artificial society" (by and large) and relatively more practical and totally different society (and it's not about dressing/clubbing/sex, it is way more than just few visible facets). Then adaptability is relative, some adapt well than others.

57

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Yeah cuz in our culture you’re expected to be a doormat, and so she does whatever her husband is ok with. In other words, if the American-desi guy is fairly liberal → you’ll see his pakistani wife in gym clothes, working out, getting a job, wearing american clothes without problems. If the American-desi guy is more on the religious end of the spectrum → that same girl will be covering up more, maybe will start wearing a dupatta on her head, maybe hijab, maybe he’ll ask her to wear a burqa and she’ll say yes, maybe she’ll sit at home and cook parathas all day for him, and maybe she’ll install her kids in American-madrassas and pull them out of the regular school system at her husband’s insistance.

I mean, what’s the alternative? Going back to bullet-ridden Karachi, where she steps in donkey crap on the way to her p** poor job where she’s likely gonna get sexually harassed by some paindoo?

No, NOT all marriages are like this, but honestly, it’s easier for a woman to shutup and adjust to things if it means she gets a chance to have a better life, and maybe can even pull her family over here with visa sponsorships.

Girls here don’t have that hang up. So when a guy asks me if I’m willing to wear a hijab - I say, look, no, that’s not what I do, and I’m not GONNA start doing it just cuz you asked me.

Or in a recent situation :rolleyes: If a dude asks me to go back with him to Pakistan, I’d say, no, because my entire life and career is here, and why would I uproot that?

shrugs It’s just different circumstances for the girls here and over there.

58

Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Not everything boils down to perceived injustices against women in the Desi community. It’s easier if the girl is Pakistani because the guy’s professional credentials are already established. Also, and this is a fact about relationships in general, women want men who have some status (in their eyes at least). It’s not right, but a guy fresh from Pakistan might not command his wife’s respect. That’s why I think it works better.

Women being submissive exists in Pakistan, as well as here, and even amongst white women.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

I agree with this; guys from pakistan just don't hold the same esteem in the eyes of women raised abroad. This is very true.

So as y'all are looking for wives in Pakistan, enjoy trying to get your daughters and sisters married here when what's leftover is like yesterday's pudding.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Some Pakistani guys do (hold the esteem of women born abroad), some don't. The ones that do, will be able to choose the most desirable rishtas from abroad (or Pakistan). The reality is that desirable people, be it due to attractiveness, or accomplishments, will never have a shortage of rishtas. This applies to both men and women, in Pakistan or abroad.

You need to stop generalizing about people from Pakistan. Believe it or not, there are men there who would turn down a rishta from you (or other ABCDs). Similarly, not everyone who goes to Pakistan to marry is doing so because they were unable to find a rishta abroad, or because they want an obedient wife. PCG needs to work on PCG, and stop coming off as bitter and antagonizing. Your threads are coloured with comments about Desi men, yet nowhere do you question your own personality or suitability.

If Pakistani guys don't hold esteem in the eyes of women raised abroad, then that is the fault of the women, or their parents, because there are plenty of Pakistani guys that women here would find highly desirable. The question is, do those desirable Pakistani guys find you desirable?