Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

There are differences and there is just no denying that. But are they workable? Sure but depends on the individual and how open they are to coping with them.

It's not about how "modern" we are in Pakistan, our way of life, choices and thinking are still quite different to what peope having lived abroad for years would have.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

here in US.

US job market is not that bad as many people perceive around world.

That is another discussion.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Depending on where the person grew up, I don't think the differences are that great. I've seen girls in Pakistan dress more liberally than girls here. The more important things are job prospects and grasp of English. Job prospects in particular are more critical to Pakistani guys coming here as the skills/qualifications don't always transfer over.

Plenty of students come abroad to study and then settle down here so obviously the differences are not insurmountable.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

probably the only sensible post in this entire thread

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Ok, so I’m US born and raised, I met my husband in college, and he came here to the US when he was a sophomore in high school…fast forward 13 years…are there some cultural differences that we don’t “get” about eachother…sure…are/were there any deal breakers? Naaa…

Prior to getting involved with him, I seriously entertained a rishta from Pak…a guy from a very well off Isloo family who was doing his residency in anastheliogy after clearing the USMLE…I prolly would have said yes (under pressure from mom & family) had he not turned out to be such a douche when we finally met in person…let’s just say he wanted to/tried to “test drive” the goods, cuz in his words I was “Western, what’s the big deal” …Oye Ve! :smack:

I think it basically comes down to the two people at hand…some can adjust to eachother’s differences/backgrounds…others can’t.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

one of my surprises knowing a few high class paks.. when they have parties they dress as provocative as the girls I know in Aus.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

There are differences in mentalities at times.

I’ve spoken to a couple of guys that came from Pakistan and had been here for a short while only. I don’t think ALL Pakistani guys are like this but these dudes certainly were.

They assumed a lot. They thought I had been clubbing, drinking, gambling, smoking, dating, etc. And when I said I hadn’t…they laughed like I was faking it. “com on yaa you can tell me”…:rolleyes: I just stared at them until they stopped talking.

One of them said he felt sorry for the people who grew up here. He was a real gem. From his POV…we missed out on a real childhood experience…growing up in Pakistan. He didn’t think it was offensive that he just insulted the 40+ years my parents spent in this country working their butts off to give us a good life.

I don’t know if I’d ever do that…bring a guy here from Pakistan. And its not that I’d have to teach him stuff…he’d teach me stuff too. Its more that…I think some have the wrong idea of the girls here.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

ur from Aus?!

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

My mother is Australian (caucasian) so yes. I was born in Sri lanka though so I'm pretty sure I'm not adopted...

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Real Pakistan is the 99 percent people who don’t go high society schools. And people who do go to LUMS/LSE are not well accustomed to American/European culture either.

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One of America's biggest exports is its culture. People all over the world are far more acclimated with American culture than vice versa. I'm referring to the LUMS/DHA type people here (being acclimated). Again, there are differences but if the people aren't creeps, then it would not take much time at all to get accustomed.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

I think a lot of guys are just plain creepy. Some because they've been sexually sheltered their whole life, others because they've fully reveled in the debauchery. It's probably hard to find people who are well adjusted, in Pakistan too, but more so in the West.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

lol i didnt mean you were adopted..

I just like knowing guppies who are in Aus :)

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

@ Ghost
How so? Care to elaborate.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

It might just be the people I have associated with, but most are well aware of American culture. Yes, they might not get what "that's what she said" means, but that's hardly a deal breaker. They understand how people interact (movies, TV shows); I'm referring to customs like hugging etc, which, evidenced by the threads on here, confound some ABCDs as well. There's a Muslim/Western threshold but that exists regardless of where you're born. And a lot of the DHA/LUMS crowd speak English fluently, and have aspirations to study abroad anyways. There is probably a self-selection bias but I met people from all over the world who came to study at my university who fit in easily.

No offense to anyone here, but it seems like some people have some real jahil type of immigrants in their communities, who don't really fit in well. Again, not saying that there isn't an adjustment to be made, but depending on the person, I think it's usually not the deciding factor. And again, all this is coloured by my personal experience.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

why?
and I'm not in Aus now.

Its just a precaution lol people ask me really strange questions. Once I was asked why I wasn't brown at school. I told this to my mum when I came home and she laughed and said "tell your friend that we forgot to soak you in tea when you were born thats why you're not brown." :'(

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

In my university even students from Europe had a difficult time adjusting in American culture. The thing is when I say culture it does not mean pop culture. It has to do with customs and values and every place has its own. It takes time and effort to assimilate and adopt to other cultures and I don’t believe that People who lived all their lives in Pakistan are well accustomed to a culture of foreign land.
LUMS/GIK crowd may be able to speak english and watch Grey’s Anatomy but most of them still say that Americans put their parents in nursing homes because they don’t love them.

For reference I know people who are from top schools in Pakistan and who studied from Ivy leagues. So no jail type immigrants in my circle.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

Im an aussie-pak thats why :)

Ghost14, ur so right.

I have met so many people (both male and female) who fit into the lifestyle here very well... they're lovely to talk to and hang out with. Infact, im married to one such person who hasnt been here as long as I have, but we seem to get along reasonably well... lol.

It really depends on the way you yourself have been brought up (or I say, have mouleded yourself) and same for the person you are interacting with. You meet wierd nasty people everywhere... and you meet just as much lovely people.

It really depends on what you're looking for.

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

disagree....

some people on here have a very limited circle of acquaintances or whatever you can call them...

not every pakistan thinks like that... seriously.

Why are we all so prone to generalisations (me included) or claiming things to be facts based on a few random interactions?

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Re: Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland

You are disagreeing with what?
I did not say that every Pakistani think like that. My original post was to highlight the fact that not everybody in Pakistan is fortunate enough to afford LUMS/LSE. And secondly just because someone is from LUMS does not mean that they are well suited for a person raised in USA or Europe. They have grown up in a different culture and watching American TV and speaking english does not mean they understand American cultural values.