Re: Behaviour of the Wife
What Paheli and sweets said. Seriously, she needs to grow up. Feel bad for you.
Behaviour of the Wife
The only part I agree with you is tha people walking over whenever they feel like ...better to crash to mums place whenever. Do your siblings bring food over and help out? It's hard to remember what life is like when you are newly married. Ppl think that newlywed should adjust immediately. Can't your siblings call mom over sometimes to give you some privacy as a couple. That being said I do think your wife is not acting mature - and it desi siblings being themselves. Yes once you have kids your privacy goes out the window so just Bc your siblings are in a different phase they expect you to be there also. Once my brothers got married and they live with my parents I have stopped going over as frequently as before. in turn I wish my SIL would understand the same thif
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
Is it at all possible she' may be clinically depressed?
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
7pages!!
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
Hi,
Some of you may remember a thread that I happened a month or so ago about the wife and her constant visits to her parents home. I don't want to discuss that but just want to get some e opinions about the following issues that I am having.
- We have been married for 8 months now (she is 29) and she still doesn't call my mum by any title. She will just ask whether my mum would like any food or if i am there she will get me to ask. She will say somethinmg like 'aap khana kaow ghay' to my mum
- She has not once rang my mum when she has gone back to her parents. Don't get me wrong i have always stopped my mum from, ringing her thinking that she may get the hint but she hasn't I always ring her parents whether the wife is with me or at her parents
- She comes downstairs at about 12pm sometimes earlier. I have always been told to be down and at least show your face by 10:30am
- She currently isn't working but she is looking
- There is hardly any work to do whatsoever in the household as they are only us three living there
- My mum is soft and never tells her to do anything
I just need some advice from people who live with their in-laws and how i can rectify this without making a big deal out of it.
Thanks
As people Have mentioned I think the wife is acting very bratty, and it is easily done! Its definetly no excuse, but i think that all she needs is some reassurance that you love her and that it is your job to balance things out. You need to ensure that you are giving yourselves as a married couple the space you require. Every newly married couple need their own privacy and space to flourish! That can be extremely difficult when you are constantly in the watchful eye of your Inlaws. Try and go away for holidays, spend time with her at dinners, plan things for the both of you YOURSELF, shower her with gifts - because ultimately that is what she wants - lots of affection and attention. She will warm up eventually and also make it known to her that there has to be one day in the week for family time! In regards to family being at ur house constantly, well try and get her out of the situation if u can. Take her out briefly.
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
Is it at all possible she' may be clinically depressed?
no. she is just an immature stupid woman.
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
with in 20 days 7 pages , najeed786 's wife where are you ? plz come and read all these 7 pages
Behaviour of the Wife
Get her parents involved already. Hopefully they are sensible ppl. Also talk to your siblings and tell them that house is not a revolving door. They are welcome to have mom over at their house or let them known that 1 day a week everyone is welcome. Tell them to bring 1 dish eat and clean up and leave at decent time. Or let them host get together a their place once a week and have mom over. They live closeby. The coming and going at all times can be overload for some girls. Some girls enjoy this kind of hala gulla but apparently not your wife . Take turns taking care of your mum. Don't compromise on that.
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
As an update. Nothing much happened after I chatted to her last until this week when she asked me that her parents are going abroad and she wants to go with them.
I said to her that I believe it is not appropriate that she go at this time when we have so many issues. She mentioned that her main issue is the house and people coming and going. I said that her behaviour isn’t right and she went off on one. Mentioned that she does so much for everyone and my extended family and i am still not letting her go. Mentioned that the house issue will still be there when she gets back (1 month) and what difference does it make.
I stated that i have never stopped her from going to her mums but going to Pakistan at this particular moment is not appropriate.
Suffice to say since then she isn’t speaking to me. Nobody else has realised and its been a full evening so far. Don’t know what else to do. Constant tears and no speaking.
I know if i didn’t say anything then she would always get what she wanted and its definitely not the right time because of our relationship.
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
Your wife is a brat!
I understand a person wanting to go on vacation - but she should want to go on vacation with you, not with her parents. In her mind she is still single and her life hasn't and shouldn't change one iota. If that's her approach, then she should never have gotten married.
I'm curious, what does she want from married life - how is or should her life be once married? What's your role in her life, how does she see you and your relationship. Are you there to pay her bills and father her children or does she see you as a friend and helpmate?
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
I'm curious, what does she want from married life - how is or should her life be once married?
She should have a house of her own, and her husband solely devoted to her needs.
What's your role in her life, how does she see you and your relationship
To do as she wishes. and not have any involvement with his family.
Are you there to pay her bills and father her children
Exactly
or does she see you as a friend and help mate? ** **Red part only.
.
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
:k:
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
I hope you’re not surprised that nothing has changed since the last conversation b/c that was very predictable.
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No matter how much she cries or gives you the “silent treatment”, you need to stand your ground and make it clear that you will NOT be ok with her going to Pakistan for 1 MONTH right now. Do NOT give in to her stupid, childish behavior this time. For once stand up for what you want!
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The fact that she wants to on vacation even after knowing that there are issues in her marriage that making you (ie. her HUSBAND) unhappy…that should really give you a idea on just how little she cares about you and the marriage. You really need to do some serious soul-searching and figure out if you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman who has such little regard for you and your marriage.
** To be honest, if I were you, I’d simply give her a choice. Tell her that if she wants to continue this marriage, she will not go to Pakistan, and not even bring it up again. But if she goes to Pakistan, then she should take ALL her stuff and never plan on returning to your home. And that the day the plane leaves to Pakistan, you will contact a lawyer and draw up divorce papers. Then see what choice SHE makes. See if she still wants to go to Pakistan even if it means ending her relationship with you. 
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
The sulking happened for the day and the next morning she was back to normal as though nothing had happened, must have accepted the reality that she isn’t going abroad.
Since then she is now sulking again as sister in law made a comment to me to which i acknowledged and joked back with her. The wife later mentioned that what she said was wrong to which i said it wasnt wrong but we were busy and started chatting about something else but now she is sulking again over it and i can tell.
I now know i need to address these things as my sister in law has been in my life for twelve years and she is like my sister, we have that relationship, always have and always will. I have no issues with her and she does everything for me and vice versa. Her comments are how we have always been. I would just like to say that how can the Mrs put her opinion across and like she is not happy with my sister in laws behaviour towards me when I am completely happy and more than happy to to thank Allah for giving my family such a daughter/sister in law.
Question is do I acknowledge her sulking and mention what’s wrong, give in to her sulking basically or do I let her sulk. I would like to address it but in an adult way where she brings up the topic without sulking and expecting me to take notice.
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
@ najeeb786
Did you take her to vacations, I mean its been 8 months to you marriage you must have gone some where ?
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
We went on our honeymoon after the wedding. I have been trying to organise something for a long weekend away but she keeps saying its too expensive and to wait or book something for February fo a full week. I would want to do something before Christmas though as they are some good offers and i do have some time off.
Her wanting to go to Pakistan has nothing to do with wanting a vacation, its just that she would normally go with her parents when going there and would like to continue that trend even though she is now married.
I am the one currently earning and i am more than happy going on a vacation.
@ najeeb786
Did you take her to vacations, I mean its been 8 months to you marriage you must have gone some where ?
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
..she has a problem with your siblings visiting their mum, and is actually wanting to stay with her parents in pakistan for a month.....this woman just cracks me up
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
aaaand she also has a problem with how you interact with your bhabi?
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
okay first of all I think your problems are not as big as you think they are...
you've been only married 8 months...and honestly as a newlywed it's hard for us girls to all of a sudden refer to a stranger as "mummy" and "daddy." I know I was supposed to call my in-laws that but I just couldn't get myself to say it. It's really hard!!! In my opinion I would get your mother to sit her down and tell her nicely to start calling me mummy or if she isn't comfortable which it looks like the case cause i been through this too, even aunty. I know It made me feel soo much easier to call my mother in law Mummy after she asked me to call her that.
Coming down at noon part...okay seriously give her a break! It's not boot camp where everyone needs to get up at a certain time...if you tell her that she is obligated to come down at 10 am everyday then she's gonna hate your in-laws...and hate you...it's her house too, let her come out when she feels like it...but if she comes out AFTER noon then yes its a big deal....also she is a woman for christ sake, women like to get up and get ready before even showing their face...and you've only been married 8 months so she's still new in the house...
if there is nothing important to be done before noon like your parents can take their own breakfast and tea etc. then leave her alone otherwise she will feel like she is in prison..
Re: Behaviour of the Wife
okay first of all I think your problems are not as big as you think they are...
you've been only married 8 months...and honestly I'm a newlywed too and it's hard for us girls to all of a sudden refer to a stranger as "mummy" and "daddy." I know I was supposed to call my in-laws that but I just couldn't get myself to say it. It's really hard!!! In my opinion I would get your mother to sit her down and tell her nicely to start calling me mummy or if she isn't comfortable which it looks like the case cause i been through this too, even aunty. I know It made me feel soo much easier to call my mother in law Mummy after she asked me to call her that.
Coming down at noon part...okay seriously give her a break! It's not boot camp where everyone needs to get up at a certain time...if you tell her that she is obligated to come down at 10 am everyday then she's gonna hate your in-laws...and hate you...it's her house too, let her come out when she feels like it...but if she comes out AFTER noon then yes its a big deal....also she is a woman for christ sake, women like to get up and get ready before even showing their face...and you've only been married 8 months so she's still new in the house...
if there is nothing important to be done before noon like your parents can take their own breakfast and tea etc. then leave her alone otherwise she will feel like she is in prison..
wait in another thread u just said u were married for 3 years...3 years isn't newlywed....