Re: Behaviour of the Wife
Oh boy.
Some people just do not have a nurturing personality, apparently your wife belongs to this group. Someone I know got married to someone similar like your wife. They have been married for 7+ years, and it's only gotten worse as time passed. My honest advice to you would be to consider seriously hard, if you want to be someone like that for the rest of your life? Because trust me, this kind of people only change for the worse.
It's funny how these people would bring up Islam to defend their 'rights' but would conveniently forget their obligations under the very same religion. Islam encourages you to be compassionate towards everyone, and particularly to those immediately related to you. Islam stresses so much upon the rights of even neighbours who aren't related to you. So how come one can have no responsibility or compassion towards those living in the same house.
Boy oh boy! Not to be OT here and completely hijack your thread.
Najeeb as mentioned by the above quote, everyone knows somebody who has similar issues/problems. I know a somebody like that , it happens to be my 'bhabi', my younger brothers wife. They have been married 6 years or so, and what an emotional roller coaster nightmare it has been.
I am the oldest , my bro told me how he had met someone at work ,and she was might be the one. Anyways, he sent me a pic (yes, a pic does not tell you how a person is ) but i did not like what I saw. I and my brother are/were very, very close.. I felt this was not the person for him.
We are a huge family, Punjabi, very much into families, hulla gulla. She came from a family quite the opposite, all smiles on the outside but something else on the inside. Istikarah was done, by my bro, my Mom, it came out ..not too good.
My brother told her that he could not commit to anything and that was it. I am no too sure what happened after that, but she pursued him with a passion, and it was back on. No one from our family ever interfered in my brothers matter.
In the end he decided he wanted to marry her. Now, my bhabi comes from a struggling family, on the outside seems well to do, but the checking we did indicated otherwise.. we are a comfortable family. Everything accomplished in life was given through the blessings of Allah. My bhabhi to be had a sister who was married to a millionaire, my brother was not too far off from that status.
AH, they live in the Mid East, my bro has a fabulous job there, he is living the life of a king. He was the younger bro, he was the most funniest , loving, generous human being one could come across. Extremely good looking 6ft plus, half of us have blue eyes, very fair colouring, the remainder have green eyes. All elders in the family, all cousins gravitate towards him and my other bros.
Since I am in the US, my bro would call me and say 'this happened', "I've already committed to the upcoming marriage', "i cannot back out". The day before the nikah, he told me "I wish I could back out, it is too late". Just last week he called and said to me "Don't say anything , I should've listened to Ami, I made my decision, I amde my bed and have to sleep in it, Cannot divorce will not do that to my child". BTW, my bro is a fantastic husband and a truly wonderful father. It is is son that keeps him going.
It has been 6+ years of marriage now, they have one child. My sis in law behaves as if she is the only person in entire mankind to have given birth to a child. The fact that we love our nephew dearly, is because of our relationship with my brother, not because of my SIL.
Najeeb don't fret, my SIL never makes breakfast for her husband, she is a SAHM. My brother takes his son to school, he bathes him, disciplines him, feeds him, takes him out, after working like a dog all day long as a VP for a huge global company in the Mid East. When my brother comes home from work she will go to bed, he will be lucky if there is a plate of food for him. He usually stops at a burger place to get some food.
They are a gorgeous couple, having intimate relations and not having anything else to go on, is not much of a marriage. From the day she said "Jee, nikah kabool hai", she has never made an effort to get to know my brothers family or have respect fro my Mom.. So my brother does the same back, he neither meets her family, and seldom speaks to his in laws. Their entire marriage is tit for tat.. What I am writing here, is what we have witnessed, all the while keeping our mouths shut. If we wanted to interfere , we would have.
What a pretentious wedding it was too. My SIL wanted a small, intimate elegant affair. Initially only My Mom and siblings were invited..(can you believe that). Our children were not invited to their own Mamus wedding. My brother who was the ultimate Mamu, (he has now lost that status) My Mom had a few words with my brother and that is when she told hm 'this should be a wake up call for you, are you doing the right thing". Brother had a few words with his wife to be, and our children and our own relatives (Nanyaal. Dadyaal ) were then invited..
The emails sent back and forth, her demanding this gold kara, that jewellery set...that to me speaks of a gold digger. My brother knew all of this as the emails were sent to him as well as another sister who was shopping in Pakistan for the wedding. The language in the emails was really disturbing and vulgar.
We have all carried on without him/her in our lives since he lives in the Mid East, I am in the US, the remainder in the UK. When we get together it is depressing being around my brother and his wife. He calls me quite regularly, and every now and then will say "'Don't let her know I call you". :) He sent gifts to my children upon graduations etc, and then also said "Don't let her know". Because she is my SIL, I will call he just now and then, email her now and then. She will almost always ask me 'Have you spoken with your brother lately? ' Something along those lines. My answer is "No", a few times i have said 'yes' and she freaks out.
Before I get beat up on this forum for blaming my SIL, I say the blame also lies in my brother. It takes 2 individuals to make a marriage work. They both do a lot of tit for tat as mentioned before.
I could go on and on..
Again ..sorry for a long post, I can delete it if necessary..
