^^^ AHAHA you are obviously a non muslim kafir, or a just a Muslim by name, who cares what you have to say? Why would any Muslim listen to you? You probably don't even wear hijab.
Edal, on this site, we respect everyone's opinion (even yours) regardless of religious faith and country of origin. You and everyone else need to keep that in mind, or get out.
I think many of you (on both sides of the discussion) are abusing Islamic verses. Allah SWT did not create us to be mindless robots who follow orders blindly. He also did not create a religion involving micromanagement.
So yes, that means sometimes you are going to have think for yourself. Sometimes, it is not best to twist sacred verses to fit your cause. SOMETIMES it is best to think about the spirit of Islamic teachings, rather than taking words and phrases out of context to justify your actions.
And the spirit of Islam involves love, peace, and respect. It involves being gentle and considerate of others. It involves sharing and nurturing others. It does not involve coercion, oppression, and silencing of others. So rather than saying, my life has to be lived this specific way, and everyone else must bend to it, or get kicked out, maybe you could think specifically about how best to resolve a situation, in order to maintain ties and help relationships grow.
Based on what I've read, I understand that sophisticated thought and complex emotional relationships are difficult for some of you. But I have faith that you can do better than spewing crap here.
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
The joint family system is not a bad thing at all. In fact, I wouldnt mind it one bit if my husband expected me to live with my inlaws. I have parents, I get it.
However, I do not believe in this Hindu way of thought that requires a woman to forget her parents. Its a Hindu custom. Islam in no way tells us that ONLY the guy's parents get support and IF there is anything left in your budget you can throw a few bones to the wife's parents too. Its a misrepresentation of Islam. Its also false and shameful that there are men out there spreading a horrible image of Islam to others. Can you imagine what a non-Muslim would think after listening to such garbage? Like we dont have enough negative media out there already? Now we have people like this out there too?
Parents are parents...bottom line. One doesnt make it Jannat any quicker if they have boys. In fact, its a woman's parents who will be next to the Prophet saw on the day of Judgement, not a man's.
Furthermore...men who take this my-mother-is-above-all mentality to the extreme where everything is about choosing between wife and mother...never live happy lives. Or THEY might but their wives begin to hate them eventually. Its not that hard to strike a balance between the two and maintain it. Good men do it all the time.
The most successful marriages I have seen have revolved around MUTUAL respect for BOTH families. I have seen men respect and love their wives' families and gain her love in return. What is the point of marrige if there is no love between a couple?
It doesnt have to be a choice. It doesnt even have to go in that direction. However it does when you see men holding their mother above their wives' heads like God and expect her to simply OBEY.
She doesnt OBEY, she isnt property, she isnt a slave. She gave birth to man...she is his mother, sister, wife and daughter...all rolled into ONE.
Islam entitles and empowers women more than the average person knows...but thats the problem with so many of our people these days. They have 0 knowledge of anything past their noses and seem to think their sins wont catch up to them.
Have fun with that one.
Re: why...
In Pakistan my Dadi, lives with both her sons wives, and my Dadi is a tough tough MIL. Yet her DIL's bear it with patience and kindness, and inshallah Allah will reward them.
so why your parents aren`t with your dadi?
ye koun faisla kare, ke kis ne parents ke paas rehna hai aur kisne nahin.. your dad left her, because it`s ok, that his brothers are with ur dadi.... why???
Re: why…
And you know this because…?
Re: why...
double
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
Most of the systems are correct systems, its the people who ultimately make it good or bad system. be it joint family, single family, or even taxation system!
Unfortunately, people (read husband, wife and mil) have made wonderful system aka joint-family-system look real bad. Off course every system has its own advantages and disadvantages.
Re: why...
says the guy who has committed fornication many times.....why should any muslim woman listen to someone who has committed zina? and yes im not a muslim but im not being a hypocrite here, you are.
Ok so lets talk about Quran then.
024.003 **Let no man guilty of adultery or fornication marry and but a woman similarly guilty,* or an Unbeliever: nor let any but such a man or an Unbeliever marry such a woman: to the Believers such a thing is forbidden.*
If you are guilty of fornication, you cannot marry a chaste virgin woman because chaste women are only for chaste men you twisted hypocrite. fornicators can only marry fornicators..
Bit in red needs to be stamped on his forehead.
No-one with an ounce of common sense would think simply saying 'taubah' and repenting (which he hasn't even done which is clear from his statement calling US girls 'target practice' for Muslim studs - oh and what STUD stays living with his mummy and daddy his whole life anyway LOL).. If he really believed that why not marry another Muslim who had slept around and then repented?
Male chauvinists love to twist Islam to suit their own needs, hopefully the majority of ppl out there aren't stupid enought to believe a Muslim guy who has slept around and said a quick 'sorry' that he didn't even really mean somehow deserves a 'pure' virgin wife. No-one who genuinely has respect for women and quotes Islam sincerely would come out with that cr*p.
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
PFF you guys are pathetic, feel sorry for your husbands. Even though I wanted to move out at first, my wife insisted we live with my parents. What a good girl, mashalla.
Its not just money or health, mashalla parents have both of those. It's that, they want some company. All my life they have raised me, paid for my college, cars, took care of me, and now when I am working I should abandon them? No way in hell. All they want is someone to have dinner with, someone to talk too.
All you girls forcing your husbands to move out, watch when you have a son raise him your whole life and he leaves you. Its gonna happen.
My parents have never once asked me to stay with them, but I know their feelings would be hurt if I left. Their my mom and dad, they come before any girl in the world. I would never put my wife or kids before them, ever. Love you mom and dad.
They are my path to paradise or hellfire. Wives can come and ago, man can have 4 wives, and its just down to 3 words, talaq, talaq, talaq, and its done.
But parents, you will always only have one set of parents, you will be known by your fathers name on youmi kiyama.
For a man after Allah and his prophet (PBUH), comes his mother. For a woman its her husband after Allah and his prophet (PBUH).
Dude, none of your posts are going to help your case. Your reputation has been tarnished beyond repair on GS. Sadly, each one of your post just shows how ignorant you are.
Re: why...
Shak09 tht means if ur spouse demands somthg lik ths then u will goona leave ur parents to mak her happy???
Can someone please tell me how living seperately from the parents is equated as "leaving them" or abandoning them?? Do we not have normal, sensible human beings left that able to balance both relations of spouse & parents???? People who think the wife is dispensible simply should NOT get married and just live with their parents all their life and do their khidmet. Jeez!
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
^seriously
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
That! :k:
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
Strange, all the Arab men are required to buy and furnish a seperate house before they can even think of getting married. Where the couple stays is by choice and comes later. And, by living seperately you're not abandoning your parents. Islam doesn't dictate who you're supposed to live and where you're supposed to live. As long as you are taking good care of them and providing for them (if need be) you can stay anywhere!
Bahu's really have no obligations, if she does it for her in-laws good..if she doesn't she isn't required to. The husband can't force his wife to take care of his parents.
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
^ 100% correct.
She should do it out of the goodness of her heart...but Islam does NOT require the wife to take care of HIS parents...by any means.
Its Bollywood and all of those old Indian films...thats all.
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
all those guys who wants to live with their parents should hav courage to be fair and just with both parties. they need to take right sides and not just their moms and dads. they hav to be strong enuf not to be pressurized by their moms n sis and their "joro ka ghulam" title.
if they can't be fair and always end up telling wives to compromise they should then just shut up.
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
After reading 6 pages of this, I want to know is why is the EDAL guy so bitter and jaded towards women. If his wife wanted him to move out, there had to be a reason why. If his own parents are sad that a grown man is moving out, that he must have a peter pan syndrome. Cut the embilicol cord I say. I love my parents would never do anything to hurt them, but at some point you have to have your boundaries. Parents choose to give birth to their children, they choose to raise them, cloth them, educate them. If parents want a payback, I think its a wierd way to thinking. I will be respectful to my parents as the Quran commends, but My parents have never asked me to payback for their sleepless nights thats because they are they ones choose to sacrifice to love me. I will in return give the same type of love and dedication to my children but would not expect them to pay me back. Edal acts like a allah ka only bhanda, yet Allah ko divorce basand nahin he. He speaks such disrespect about his ex wife, how she begged his family in pakistan etc. He must get pleasure out of that. He also mentioned that her body got used, yet he is the one who got sloppy seconds. Dont worry everyone eventually moves on, maybe some day she will to. I would not bash my ex, i would actually pray for them. A good allah ka bhanda would know that.
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
Even though I wanted to move out at first, my wife insisted we live with my parents. What a good girl, mashalla.
so why you wanted to move out at first as you have these sentiments against moving out of parents house?
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
^What he said is a bit odd as Gina pointed out in another thread Arab families expect a guy to already have his own place sorted when he gets married. Arabs tend to really look down on the idea of the girl having to share a home (and I don't mean separate apartments) with her inlaws and it's hard to believe any Arab family would be happy that their young virgin daughter is going to marry a desi divorce who can't even provide her with her own home. Unlike desis, to them it's seen as an absolute basic requirement.
To all the guys on here that are thinking that us desi girls are 'demanding' for wanting to live separate try ur luck proposing to an Arab or some other Muslim from another ethnicity, their family will laugh u out of their home and think you're a joke. How can a basic thing that practically every other culture of Muslims gladly provides be seen as demanding???
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
*Arabs tend to really look down on the idea of the girl having to share a home *
Like anybody cares what Arabs think
Re: Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System
The point she is making is that this whole saas bahu thing is a Hindu custom and has no basis in Islam or any other culture for that matter...