Bahu Obligations and the Joint Family System

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: why...

I know that I could never move to my In laws home after wedding. I think its because I could never think my in-laws home as my home and i would be really careful doing anything in the home. But its just my personality, I want own home with own rules and style. But i respect those who move with their in-laws home because its needed so much patience and adaptation to live in-laws home.
My dads youngest brother and her wife lived with my grandmother so she was never living alone, and I think thats right. If my husbands mom or dad would live alone, then I would take her/him living with us of course. And same thing to my parents, if my mom or dad is living alone, im sure I will or some of my siblings would take him/her living with them. Its just so sad to see here how children after they get married forgets their parents and put old parents to retirement home and see them 1-4 in a year even they are living in same city :(
I know that i can`t never move far away from my parents, because we are really close and It would be really weird not see parents after u get married. To me that is so weird that someone thinks that after girl gets married she has to basically forget her parents and just think her husband and husbands parents as her family. To me my parents and siblings will be always huge part of my life and so is my future husband and his side.If guy doesn't accept it, i simply cant marry him. Before wedding parents are number 1 and after wedding it should be number 1. husband/wife and number 2. parents. Wife should love and respect husbands family and husband should love and respect wifes family, and after wedding they all are one big family :)

62

Re: why...

Desi men r generally nice n they Know how to keep balance in relationships ..... But edal I would not like my brothers or sons having this kind of thinkin for not only their wives but for any other woman..... I wish ur parents would have taken out some time to teach u to respect every human being.... I don't know y in every thread u talk about Islam .... U dnt have a clue .... Jahalat.... May be u would stop considering women as objects when u have daughters ....

63

Re: why...

Here comes the knock out....coming coming bammmmmmmmmm

A wife* is more obliged to her *husband*. She has to respect and obey him the most.

** Ayisha (R) reported that when they asked the prophet to whom was a woman most obliged, he said “to her husband”, when we asked to whom is a man most obliged to, he said "to his mother".*

12.Reported by al-Bazzar with a hasan isnad. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/308, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah.
**
**If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.”**

11.A hasan sahih hadith, narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, in Abwab a-rida’, 10.

What is a Nikah? It is the girls Wali handing her over to her husband. He is her world now. She has to obey him over her father, good Muslim fathers know this. Daughters are nothing more than a "trust" to be given away one day to a husband. This was stated in my Nikha Khutba.

****The Prophet (PBUH)* said, “Whenever a woman harms her husband in this world (that is without any due right), his wife in Heaven among the Houris in Jannah says: You must not harm him. May Allah destroy you! He is only a passing guest with you and is about to leave you to come to us”.
[At-Tirmidhi]***

My mom >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Wife>>>>any other girl

Guys, like I said Larkio ki koi kami nahi hain, get a nice one who will give izzat to you and your family.

64

Re: why...

[QUOTE]
EDAL: I would like to ask you, what about the families who have no sons? Should each one of those daughters also dedicate their lives in pleasing their husband and in-laws? What happens to those parents in old age? Who will take care of them when they get sick? If need be, who will financially take care of them?
[/QUOTE]

Ok I will assume here you speak of a couple blessed with no sons, no nephews, (ie brothers sons), etc.... In that case, Islam asks us to treat our relatives kindly, the son in law should out of kindness take care of his in laws, and he should encourage his wife to do so.

It would be cruel to just abandon them like that.

65

Re: why…

Sareyan de dimagh kharaab ne assept me! :phati:

66

Re: why…

B- :hehe:

Okay EDAL, I had some respect for you since you take such a strong stand on something most people consider cultural norms, UNTIL, “…like I said Larkio ki koi kami nahi hain, get a nice one who will give izzat to you and your family.”

Since you like to quote The Prophet (PBUH) I’m sure this is not how he would be talking about women. The Quran itself gives women much more respect then as if they are some objects of this duniya.

67

Re: why...

Wow.....your views on women as easily disposable items are bad enough....but the above statement is just sad.

Do you realize that your mother is also a wife?

If that's how you truly feel about a "wife", then you have 0 respect for your wife. And you may respect your mother....but you have no respect for her as a wife and a woman. It's really just sad.

Up until now I felt sorry for your 19-year-old wife.....but now I feel sorry for your mother. If a son of mine ever made a statement like that about women....about wives....it would break my heart b/c that tells me that I failed to teach him how to respect women. It's just sad.

68

Re: why...

I agree

69

Re: why…

she could always marry a guy who would come live with her parents :slight_smile:

70

Re: why...

i don't know about him, i am definitely not moving out b/c of some *****

71

Re: why...

Ditto. I'v tried staying away from GS for few days and just reading this thread makes my blood boil once more.

forget it guys... Edal is prob in some cult and has complete disregard for normalcy and common sense.

my two cents: Respect and treat your In-laws as if they are your own parents...no matter where you end up living. Bless!

72

Re: why...

Parents are above all EDAL...that much is true. However, parents matter the same for son and daughter.

The joint family system is a HINDU revaaj handed down to us from our neighbors. It has nothing to do with Islam and this jihalat you keep posting about the girl being an orphan as soon as she marries a man like you. Maybe your father should see your mother in the same light you see the rest of woman kind? How would you feel if he divorced her after three words and kicked her to the curb because she put too much salt in her handi? Your mother is also a wife and the same woman you find so disposable. That same woman that you seem to think you can find thousands of gave birth to you. Dont forget that.

Its not JUST your mother that deserves respect...its ALL women. You may be a man but remember one thing...you came out of a WOMAN.

Fortunately you are not in the majority and most desi Muslim men have MUCH more respect for a woman than you do so Im not at all worried about your posts influencing people. You sound young, immature and full of bitterness.

WOMEN: Any man that treats you like a piece of disposable meat is NOT worth the dirt he stands on. If he makes you feel disposable...dispose of HIM. Men like this come a dime a dozen so no worries about not finding another one.

You know what the funny thing is here? YOu will never live a balanced life. It will always be one against another and I again feel so sorry for your wife here.

Women are not your slaves...they dont OBEY you. They take care of you out of the goodness of their heart and are not required to do so. She can demand payment to take care of your brats...she isnt required to take care of them. She can demand a separate home if she wants. She can work if she wants. She can do anything she damn well wants...these are the freedoms given to her by Allah swt. You mean nothing in the fabric of actual Islam...do you realize that? You are ONE single lonely little man preaching about how women are expendable and can be easily replaced.

Do you realize how replaceable YOU are? Do you have any idea how easy men like YOU are? Do you have any clue how simple it is to find such a kacha dimagh like yours and twist it any way a woman wants? Do you know? Nope. Why do you forget you're living in America and not some ancient desert where all the women are not uneducated or independent.

You have no idea what a woman can do...yet you come here and post rubbish like this thinking you have it all figured out. The ONLY reason a woman would possibly marry in this day and age is for either love or children. So, unless you are providing actual and real LOVE...you've been replaced by a million sperm banks already. Its not women that are disposable.

When you have children and your daughters decide to dump you in a nursing home...I hope you remember this. Itna bara bol nahin boltay...because you have NO idea what your future holds for you and when YOU will need a woman like your own daughter to be there for you. Fear the day that happens because you never know your past sins will come back to bite you. And we all know EDAL that you have plenty of those.

73

Re: why...

.

74

Re: why...

EDAL after reading all your posts and bakwas like wife with 3 words = over. Sine you are such a nice & religious guy and since you are God's gift to mankind I really hope and pray that your sister and your daughters get husbands like you and they treat your sister and your daughters exactly the same way your treated your wife and they think of them the same way you think of women.

75

Re: why...

Come on people stop getting worked up by a troll. do you seriously think any girl in her right mind would be married to a guy who tells her that his parents come first and that women are disposable?? no sane woman would be married to a guy like that , that too in US..

76

Re: why...

hmmmm MissTY you are right ! But such guys start barking like this after they married they don't bark before marriage.

77

Re: why...

Oh yeah because in the U.S everyone is the same. Good respectable girls have no problem with a guy talking care of his parents. **

By Allah who has my life in his hands, my current wife who has been in the U.S since 9 or 10 told me herself we should stay with my parents*. I would be pretty insane to swear by Allah and lie just to prove something to names on a forum. : P that would damn me to hellfire. So you can shove that troll crap up where the sun doesn't shine. I am sick of your bs. Just cause you managed to get some idiot wrapped around your finger, doesn't mean all men have limp *s
*
But I took that oath for the men, to show that there are good Muslim girls out there. When you marry a girl from a religious family they have no problem listening to you.

Also By Allah, **my ex wife did demand me to move out, which I did only later realizing it was totally not worth it, cause it hurt my mom and dads feelings so much. How can I sit in my condo while they silently sob?? Every tear of theirs is a punishment for me. Girls like that are nothing but trouble.!!!

Its not like my mom and dad are cruel or Jahil village people, my mom is a working Doctor, and my dad is retired. All they want is good company and conversation.

No matter how much you love and care for your wife, she can never take the place of your mother. Your mother carried you for 9 months of pain, was up with you at night as a baby etc...I can't even imagine. I could never ever repay my mother! No matter what a relationship between husband and wife can end in just 3 words, that's all it is. We are not Catholics here!!

**My mom and dad give me so much duas, do you have any idea how powerful the dua of a parent is? Or how much sawab you get by making their hearts happy and keeping them company???

My mom and dads duas have gotten me all the things I have in life, I totally believe that.
I try to kiss my moms hands every single day before leaving the house.

78

Re: why...

Reha you just posted a bunch of feminist bs.

Ayisha (R) reported that when they asked the **prophet* to whom was a woman most obliged, he said “to her husband”, when we asked to whom is a man most obliged to, he said "to his mother".*

12.Reported by al-Bazzar with a hasan isnad. See Majma’ al-Zawa’id, 4/308, Bab haqq al-zawj ‘ala’l-mar’ah.
**
**If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.”**

11.A hasan sahih hadith, narrated by Tirmidhi, 2/314, in Abwab a-rida’, 10.

Go look it up, I don't even have to say anything past that.

Surah Nisa Quran 4:34
34. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great. :p

You can post all the feminist bs you want, but that doesn't change reality. Yes Husbands should be kind and nice to their wives, but Allah has put the mard in charge, and the woman can't just go work or do whatever she wants without his permission, nope.

Yeah yeah, I took sociology options too in University, gender relations all that crap, and if that is what you want to follow as an American citizen you are free to do so, but plz don't try to relate liberal feminist ideas to Islam.

You know what happens to girls like that? They get divorced, or their husbands are miserable.

This was my ex wife, By Allah, one of her problems with her first husband was that his parents would visit too often, he dumped her within 4 months. I took her in, she started making moving out demands, and acting all rude and batameez, she got divorced again.

Now she's sitting in a Karachi slum, getting slapped around by her father and spat on, while I have an even hotter wife, who massages my feet, while her ex who was pretty loaded is also getting remarried last I heard.

What did my ex get out of all this, a gold set and a few Gucci watches? In exchange for getting her body used? Was her pride, rudeness and bs worth it?

Ba,khuda she came running to my relatives in Karachi, begging my Chachas and apologizing, asking if it was possible for her to get back with me. She even said she was ready to stay there with them? This is what happens to women, because as much as you dislike it, in our culture the izzat of a woman is very fragile and must be carefully guarded. Once tainted it can never be regained.

Owned!!!

79

Re: why...

Even I don't have a problem with my husband taking care of his parents aslong as he doesnt make me do that. It's his parents, not mine.
I expect him to take care of his pareants just like I will take care of mine whenver they need me.

[quote]

By Allah who has my life in his hands, my current wife who has been in the U.S since 9 or 10 told me herself we should stay with my parents. I would be pretty insane to swear by Allah and lie just to prove something to names on a forum. : P that would damn me to hellfire. So you can shove that troll crap up where the sun doesn't shine. I am sick of your bs. Just cause you managed to get some idiot wrapped around your finger, doesn't mean all men have limp *****s
[/quote]

LOL anyone can swear on a forum. trust me, everyone is sick of your fake troll misogynist BS. I would totally ignore your fake stories but there are some women here who think you are for real and they are scared for their lives if god forbid they endup with someone like you. so its you who spreading this sexist BS thats pissing everyone off. trust me, most women are sick of your fake twisted derogatory BS stories.

My husband is not an idiot, he is just a REAL man unlike you who is not even able to love his wife and already has one failed marriage (supposedly). Keep this up and you'll have your second divorce. yeah i know women come and go but goodluck paying your lawyer fees!

**
[quote]
But I took that oath for the men, to show that there are good Muslim girls out there. When you marry a girl from a religious family they have no problem listening to you.
[/quote]
**

why should any girl listen to a guy who only has sexist BS to say?

[quote]
Also By Allah, my ex wife did demand me to move out, which I did only later realizing it was totally not worth it, cause it hurt my mom and dads feelings so much. How can I sit in my condo while they silently sob?? Every tear of theirs is a punishment for me. Girls like that are nothing but trouble.!!!
[/quote]

It was pretty selfish of your parents to demand you and your wife live with them when you got married. men who give in to selfish parents and treat wives like you do are nothing but trouble!

[quote]

No matter how much you love and care for your wife, she can never take the place of your mother. Your mother carried you for 9 months of pain, was up with you at night as a baby etc...I can't even imagine. I could never ever repay my mother! No matter what a relationship between husband and wife can end in just 3 words, that's all it is. We are not Catholics here!!
[/quote]

I am not saying your spouse should take the place of your parents. My husband wont take place of my parents either. no one is denying that. I dont know why you keep bringing up this BS over and over.

[quote]
My mom and dad give me so much duas, do you have any idea how powerful the dua of a parent is? Or how much sawab you get by making their hearts happy and keeping them company???

My mom and dads duas have gotten me all the things I have in life, I totally believe that.
I try to kiss my moms hands every single day before leaving the house.
[/QUOTE]

women should keep their parents company too then and have them live in their homes with their husbands so they can be blessed with duas daily.

80

Re: why...

thats pakistani culture and look where pakistan stands now? any culture that promotes inequality, sexist ideologies, and injustice will NEVER prosper. look whats happening in pakistan, now, a country where people are killing each other. same goes for the taliban who treated thier women like you do and see how jaahil and uncivilised they are.
On the other hand, women in america and most western countries dont have to deal with such sexist BS. many of my american friends have been divorced but life did not end for them and they are remarried or in relationships. and look how far advanced US and Europe is compared to most of those countries that have this backward mentality of "izzat of woman" and all that sexist bullsht.