I am so frustrated with my cousin right now. A while ago, she made me think that she might be getting married around the same time as me and she asked me what colors I would be wearing so that she doesnt get the same colors.
After that point, she’s slowly started changing her ideas to be closer to mine. For example, she originally said that she had already bought a mehndi jora that was pink. after I told her my colors, which will be traditional colors, a few days later, she said that her mom isn’t happy about the pink jora and she’ll probably use that for some godh barai ceremony after the shaadi. This doesnt make sense though, if her mom didnt like it for her mehndi, why did she let her get it? like wouldnt her mom have gone with her if she was making such a big decision or is it normal for girls to buy their mehndi and wedding joras without taking their mom with them?
She’s been saying for months that she would wear red, and after finding out that I’m not wearing traditional colors on the shaadi, she’s dropped into conversation that she has a ‘red phobia’ and she doesn’t think she should get red for her wedding jora.
Our weddings won’t be at the same time (hers will be a few months afterwards), but now I feel really stupid for having told her. I had a bad experience a few years ago where I told her what colors I’d wear to my cousin’s shaadi and she ended up trying to get the exact same colors for those days. I should’ve learned my lesson and not said anything, but I really thought she was asking to avoid having the same colors…and now it looks like that wasn’t the case.
what should I do? should I say something? I feel miserable that she’s always trying to compete with me…she’s always even saying we’re the same weight! ITS SO FREAKING ANNOYING
at least your wedding is first, so you will be the first to wear the colors. Since your not going traditional red you're the one who'll look beautifully unique Inshallah whereas she will be second to do everything so she won't have the wow factor you will :)
p.s she's such a loser, u should tell her that she need to stop copying you straight up it's just weird!
she prob wants to share wedding ideas with you.. if someone has a better idea (you) its natural to sway that way…
i think its just sad that ur letting this get to you. Take it as a compliment and move on.. life is too short to be wasted on such trivual issues.
And, when it comes around to her wedding… and she has done something similar to you, please dont go about saying “she copied me..” u’ll be ruining her wedding day.. and also making urself look a bit silly.
Good luck with your wedding… i hope it all works out :k:
What did I tell you in your last thread girl? TRUST YOUR INTUITION. If your cousin has screwed you over enough times in the past.....OR.......if she has demonstrated shady behavior enough times in the past......then she basically has a pattern of acting in this way.
I'm not saying that your cousin is a bad person, but it seems she has certain traits in her personality that make you uncomfortable, so you need to be careful. Ever heard of Aesop's Fables? Well, here's a fable. Can't remember all the details of it though. Anyhow....once upon a time....there was a scorpion who asked a frog to carry him across the river. The frog was soooo concerned about being stung by scorpion. The scorpion reassured the frog that it won't sting him. The scorpion said, "If I sting you, then we'll both drown, so you can trust me, I won't sting you." The frog believed him and agreed to carry the scorpion. In the end, the scorpion stings the frog anyways. When asked why he did it, he responded, "It's in my nature."
We ALL have certain habits/tendencies in our nature that we struggle to overcome. I sense competition between the two of you. The girl hasn't treated you right in the past.......and then her way of "bonding" with you is to bug you with a joint dholki that YOUR parents would be paying for. Does that make sense to you? No, it doesn't. If this girl is trying to be friends with you.....she can use some other less questionable strategies.
I know it's Ramadan and we're supposed to think well of one another. BUT.....there's nothing wrong with being cautious. How do you know for sure that what she's telling you is the truth? For example, she could tell you that she's wearing non-traditional colored clothes.......and then end up wearing traditional colors. She could tell you that she is not wearing pink........and then surprise you by wearing pink at the mehendi. See what I mean?
So.........the next time she asks you........just give her vague responses. Or nicely tell her......"It's your wedding, wear whatever you want. We should have the confidence to have our own individual style." And then don't say anything after that......don't tell her what colors you'll be wearing. CHANGE THE SUBJECT or make an excuse and walk away from her.
You don't have a positive history with this girl. So be on your guard. If she wanted to "bond" with you........there are OTHER ways to do that besides bugging you for a joint dholki and interrogating you about the color of clothes you'll be wearing.
And tell your mom not to reveal details about your clothes to others because you want to keep it a surprise. Stick to vague answers. There's no gunnah in it because you're not screaming or cussing her out. One can be polite and vague at the same time.
You could try nicely telling your cousin, *"Individual styles look best on wedding celebrations. If both brides are wearing the same colors, the matchy matchy doesn't look so appealing. It should be about the brides standing out.......not blending in or matching. Since such clothes are expensive to begin with, it's financially practical to get something different."
*
Don't use the word "You/Tum" when you say this. Say it in a general way and hopefully she'll get a clue. If she likes to copy your style.....then express your opinions about style. And you can start of off with the opinion that matching brides is ugh.
i have two cousins...one is getting married few weeks before other one. its been like competition between them both since day one! and they are 1st cousins of each other. (you aren't that cousin are you? lol!)
What did I tell you in your last thread girl? TRUST YOUR INTUITION. If your cousin has screwed you over enough times in the past.....OR.......if she has demonstrated shady behavior enough times in the past......then she basically has a pattern of acting in this way.
You're joking, right?:)
What her cousin is doing can hardly be termed as screwing! I feel that her cousin is just being a cousin. We all look up to our elder brothers/sisters/cousins, and if we like something they do, we try to copy it. Its a form of flattery, and usually our siblings take it with a smile, and feel proud of it. How you can take it from from being a simple tagging-along behavior to stinging-like-a-scorpion is not comprehensible.
Jalebibaby, do you think you could be overreacting just a little bit? The weddings are months apart. And yours is first. So even if she wears the exact same dress as yours in her wedding, she will be doing a rerun. Youre the original episode.
there are so many times i end up buying stuff for myself or my daughter seeing it on my bhabhi or nand's girls... or even on them. Man im such a copy cat LOL hahaha..
seriously though.. i think the whole thing is not as big of an issue as is being made out. I know it can get frustrating cus you want to be an individual and all.. and when the other person keeps changing their mind... but aah well. Id take it as a compliment and just move on...
i heart you, redvelvet, if mahismart is the encyclopedia of gupshup, then you’re definitely Dear Abby
redvelvet said that cause my history with this cousin is far deeper than just this incident. its been years of comparisons and lies…some family issues have made things quite tense between us at times, and because everyone else already compares us so much, i dont see the point in making it worse by looking like twins?
lol no iyla, i doubt im that cousin…our weddings are apart by a few months, not a few weeks.
i see your points, i guess i mightttt be overreacting, but I feel like copying is ok when you sort of acknowledge you’ll be doing that rather than sneak info out and THEN use that info to copy stuff for your wedding. its especially frustrating when you’ve worked hard to make your wedding your own.
but i think you guys are right, my wedding is first and even if she does copy, people will notice and say things. but at the same time, she’s not your everyday, run of the mill cousin who looks up to you for ideas. Its beyond normal…and it might sound outrageous to you, but really, my cousin is the type of person redvelvet has described.
As bulleh Shah says "the matter is solved when the lower self is eliminated But i guess im barking at the wrong tree!
yeah yeah, i get it. I'm not pretending to be some girl who puts everyone before herself and is totally self-less. i know i'm being selfish right now.
its not the clothes, really, its the principle of that matter. i dont mind her getting the same color....its possible that we couldve ended up having the exact same color combo on the wedding and it wouldnt have bothered me because i know she would've had no way of knowing.
its just that she asked me and said that she specifically wants to know so that she DOESNT get the same colors, and now is getting the same colors! thats deceitful.
^ Chal o Buleya utthay chailiyeh jitthay sarey anney, nah koi sadi zaat pechaney na koi sanu mannay! Awain larda hai shaitaan dey naal bandeya kabhi nafs apni naal lareya nahi? Akhey peer bulley shah, asmani pharna hai Jera man vich vasda uss nu phareya nahi? If only you knew if only!**
If you cant tell her up straight, then play her at her game. Tell her you will be wearing bright pink or green...or some random colour on the wedding day, send her sample pictures, better yet go shopping with her and point out a random wedding dress. If she is a serial copy cat, you'll find out on the big day, if not, she's probably turned off by your taste for good. Either way... you'll have the last laugh.
why dont you visit us in the other sections of GS?:aq:
to thread starter
I honestly dont think its a big issue.
I mean comeon if she wants to wear the same wht’s the problem.
anyways a large number of ppl will see you in your wedding/mehendi outfits & If someone likes they might buy the same dress let alone just similar colours.
you wear wht you like & looks good on you.
let her do wht she wants to.
MC pendo