you are right Mcpendo, but… barking up the wrong tree as usual. :-p
Re: back with cousin problems
I'm super amazed at how some girls can fuss over anything & everything. Stop being so sensitive. how r u gonna face real life issues after marriage? n ur cousin lol such a funny thing. either she's so impressed by u or does it on purpose to boil u up(knowing ur nature)
Re: back with cousin problems
Jalebi, this girl is obviously not scared of you or cares what you think.
So, you should also not be scared of her or what she thinks...open your mouth woman!
Next time she compares herself to you, say something like "ab itni bhi mat chordo yaar...har cheez milati rehti ho...kahin shaadi ke baad ye mat kehna ke mere aur tumhare shohar bhi milte hein...kya hum trade karsakte hein?!?"...and laugh it off like its hilarious.
Next time she makes a comment or shows you her clothes and they are like yours...say something like "ye to bilkul mere jorey ki tarha hai...how cute!!! shukar hai meri shaadi pehle horahi hai varna lagta ke meine tumhari naqal ki hai"...and again laugh it off.
The trick is to make jokes about it so it doesnt seem like you're being openly rude or harsh. But you NEED to say something so she understands her behaviour isnt going unnoticed. Sometimes people think others are stupid or cant see through their antics...a stinging comment usually puts them in their place.
Re: back with cousin problems
^ kia pata wo is ki baat ko serious lay lay aur us ka shoher trade kernay ki sochnay lagay. phir jalebi yahan aa ker pochay ab main kia keron? lolz.no never joke with a person like her.
Re: back with cousin problems
LOLOLOLLLL...
Re: back with cousin problems
jalebi tum usko pix send ker do of the joras u wish for all ur wedding days.Tell her u want her opinion on them as u really admire her taste. watever she suggests tell her u hav placed ur orders for joras with so n so. Keep telling her how excited u r about it.write to her every few days n keep her updated … then on wedding day shock her with totally diff joras n tell her how horrible the designer turned, mixed ur order with someone else’s n changed all ur joras completely… 
Re: back with cousin problems
Silaaj.........Sadzzz............I personally wouldn't mind telling my cousin about the clothes that i've bought..........but that depends on the cousin as well.
My advice was based on the **HISTORY **that Jalebi has had with her cousin. A history is composed of more than just one or two random events. This cousin of Jalebi's has displayed a **PATTERN **of offensive/hostile behavior. If you read her previous thread......Jalebi had mentioned that she WOULD NOT mind doing a joint-dholki with her cousin........but since her cousin and her dont' have a good history.........she feels wary of her.
Everybody's experience is different. There's no right or wrong answer/advice here. We give our advice based on our own experiences. For those who have had positive experiences with their cousins.......they would see this this topic as no big deal. For those who have had shady experiences with relatives............it's not unreasonable for them to be wary or on their guard. It can go either way. The ultimate decision is Jalebi's because she knows her cousin better than any of us do :)
I'm super amazed at how some girls can fuss over anything & everything. Stop being so sensitive. how r u gonna face real life issues after marriage? n ur cousin lol such a funny thing. either she's so impressed by u or does it on purpose to boil u up(knowing ur nature)
Mabs, I disagree. Married desi women will have the REST of their entire married lives to deal with nutty in-laws. They will have the REST of their lives to make compromises......and sacrifices.
But........your wedding day comes once. It's supposed to be a memorable occasion. And there's nothing wrong with doing your best to make sure that your day is memorable. We take all these steps to make sure things go beautifully (selecting the right clothes, jewelry, caterer, hall, invitation cards). If careful attention is given to practically EVERY component of the wedding............then it's not unreasonable to want yourself to shine/stand out. Isn't that the main purpose for most brides anyway? If all brides wanted to blend in matchy-matchy copy-copy with the next bride.......why go through the effort?
Our whole life is about compromises/sacrifices...........especially for desi women. But once in while, it's okay and even healthy to be selfish.
Re: back with cousin problems
^ I disagree velvet. After writing a thesis on KumKum of Star plus i learned that women are same everywhere. They would freak out on any chance they'd get and scary music plus close of faces will follow. The thing is those dramas are based on reality, and they portray women who do things like getting tensed if she lost her tooth brush. What Jaliby is doing is getting worried for no apparent reason. So what if her cousin wears same clothes? Why cant she be a bit more open minded and accept it? Why can't she just enjoy the whole ordeal and laugh about it later with her cousin that "*Oh remember we wore same clothes on our weddings ROFLMAO ROFLMA lmao ahah i know right" *You're wearing clothes on a wedding day dammit, get over it! Almost all the women there are gonna dress up so much that its going to be indistinguishable to tell them apart from the horde of heavy makeup with cheap french perfume that they got off of macy's 59% off. I mean just enjoy Why worry about things like that? Even if my cousin wore the same shervani as i did i wouldn't fuss about it i'd probably go around taking pictures with him! I mean i'd ask him to buy for me too if its a buy 1 get one free deal :)!
Re: back with cousin problems
^ macys doesnt sell perfume for 59% off. do your research properly before writing a thesis 
Re: back with cousin problems
^ I did a thesis on KumKum not macy’s sale prices 
So what if her cousin wears same clothes? Why cant she be a bit more open minded and accept it? Why can't she just enjoy the whole ordeal and laugh about it later with her cousin that "*Oh remember we wore same clothes on our weddings ROFLMAO ROFLMA lmao ahah i know right" *You're wearing clothes on a wedding day dammit, get over it! Almost all the women there are gonna dress up so much that its going to be indistinguishable to tell them apart from the horde of heavy makeup with cheap french perfume that they got off of macy's 59% off.
You're right. Why can't Jalebi...and in general, all women, just let it go? It is a minor issue when you look at the big picture.
Except it's not. Speaking as a woman...it's hard to let stuff like this go. We care about these details, especially when it comes time for a wedding - especially when it's our wedding. We want to be unique and beautiful. The wedding day is talked up so much, pretty much since the day we're born, that even the most straight-forward and simple girl has some definite ideas about how she wants her big day to go. Illogical and irrational and even selfish though it is, we take it to heart when there's a slight chance that someone appears to be stealing our thunder. Again, you are right...in the big picture, we really should just chill. But we're not built that way. Call it irrational, call it selfish, call it whatever you want. It's the way we are. And so long as it doesn't get out of hand, so long as one isn't obsessing over it to the point that all other aspects of one's life is ignored and neglected, there's nothing wrong with a bit of obsessing over the details.
Even if my cousin wore the same shervani as i did i wouldn't fuss about it i'd probably go around taking pictures with him! I mean i'd ask him to buy for me too if its a buy 1 get one free deal :)!
Because that's the way men are.
I don't have any scientific, historical, psychological, sociological, whatever data to explain it better to you. We women (most of us) care about this stuff. Most men don't. That's all.
Re: back with cousin problems
^ So you do agree that women are a bit coo coo? :D
No. It's not a matter of insanity. It's simply a matter of being different. Women and men are different. Having those differences doesn't make either side crazy.
Re: back with cousin problems
Jalebibaby is getting marreid before her cousin is, so even if she copies her outfits, all will have seen the poster's first anyways and the cousin will not be considered unique. I dont understand whats the big deal unless its a design she has exclusively designed for the wedding. Even the folks who wear designer dresses on their big days have someone else out there who wore the same exact thing on their big day.
In the grand scheme of things, it really doesnt matter.
........
its ok RV. everyone has their own views. i just wasn't so hyped up when i got married n i feel jalebi is over reacting a bit. the thing is her cousin will b copying her style so the cousin should feel belittle not jalebi. but the cousin is happy go lucky type n jalebi is the worrying type. the worying type keeps worrying over lil issues n end up enjoying her biggest day less n worry more. wedding itself is a stressful event so y add on more.i hav seen brides who looked so tense on her wedding day n murmured k ye theek nahi hova wo nahin hova. at the end u r only left with pix n memories. if ur whole time is spent worrying thats the only thing u'll remember :)
Re: back with cousin problems
JALEBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SOmeone mentioned a great idea earlier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ohmigosh, send her pictures of all the wrong outfits and lie to her about every single detail!!! Then, surprise her with your real stuff later. She will get the hint.
Fool proof plan!
Just say something like "darzi got all the instructions wrong" or "my saas misunderstood what i wanted"...LOL
I love that idea!
Re: back with cousin problems
^ I think that's the best idea given so far. Just lie to her a bout wht u like and will get.
It works because, if she thinks ure being honest, she will get something similar..and in the end u can switch it
Evil, but works.
I agree with the above suggestions to just lie to your cousin about what you'll be wearing. OR.....if you don't feel comfortable lying, then give her vague answers. AND tell your MOM/SISTER to be on the same page as you. If your mom goes around telling people what color clothes you'll be wearing.......it defeats the purpose.
I understand that imitation is a form of flattery. And it's all well and good if you're style is being copied by a cousin who generally RESPECTS you. Because that's a more positive scenario........because her intentions are not shady.
HOWEVER.........if you're style is being copied by a cousin who generally DOES NOT RESPECT you and has even hurt you in the past.................then that changes things. In such a situation....it is NO LONGER flattering.........it's actually irritating.............and it's not unreasonable to be wary of such a person.
Re: back with cousin problems
I honestly dont understand the big fuss about nothing.
When our eldes cousin sis was getting married we cousins (7 of us of around the same age group) got the exact same dress & wore it.
We decided we wanted to wear the same.
everyone kept asking ke “aap sub dulhan ke behney hain”
& we were like “nahi. just 3 of us baaqi cousins hain”
then again jub cousin bhai ke shadi thee we all wore a similar dress not exactly the same this time cause itney saarey same lehengey milna was not possible :hinna:
so its funnnnnnnnnnn 
ok yep shadi ke dress wont be the same but i’m sure ismilar hoga cause humarey taste miltey hain.
& we surely wont mind it.