Baahir ki larkiyan

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

  1. Seriously, wtf? she HAD to have an abortion????

and

  1. again....really? that's your example of marrying a guy from here? You do realize that you are no different from the family who give examples of the "bad" baahir ki larkiyaN?

There is more to Canada than Mississsauga and Brampton....Canada is 7 huge provinces.....just like US has cities wiht heavy desi populations, doesn't mean all of US is like that.......

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

I don't like America as a permanent residence. I think Canada is much better in many aspects for raising a family. I don't know very many guys who would be willing to move to Canada, esp if their family is in the States.

They have a very busy schedule. They are social but like I said, there are no potential marriageable guys in our social circle. Parents are trying now to expand their horizons (i.e. contacting matchmakers, asking around more actively, and trying in Pak through marriage bureau). Let's see.

You don't have to be so harsh. I did mention above that education is not the only important factor and that it depends what the guy has done with his degree. In the case of guys we rejected:
-one was a college dropout. His family had financial troubles so him being the eldest son, had to quit his studies and work as a manager at a store on min wage (initially). Their "haalaat" are better now so we asked the family if he would be willing to go back to college and complete his studies so his future prospects are better, but they weren't interested
-one guy was like 6 years older than me and still doing his undergrad. What happened? Well, he fell in love with some girl in uk (when he was in HIGH SCHOOL, geez!) and moved there for 3 years to try and make it work but got rejected by her parents and came back here all heartbroken and depressed for a few more years. So anyhow, now he is trying to get his act together but he is not the smartest cookie around so with study on a part time basis, God knows how much longer it will be before he starts a real job
-one guy was introduced to us as an engineer but upon meeting the family, it turned out he did his undergrad but did not write his professional Eng. exam. He works in the engineering dept but more like an assistant/technical writer type job. My dad asked him if he was planning to write the exam in the future. He said 'no, where I work, I have a really good vibe with my coworkers and the office is literally 5 min from my home, so I am comfortable in this position/company. Money is not that important to me.'

These are just a few examples that came to mind. So, it's not just that they don't have masters level or higher education, it's the whole lazy attitude and no desire to improve their current standard of living. I am not looking for a rich guy or the smartest guy. But I also don't want to marry a bum. I am career-oriented and I would want someone like-minded. Is that fair?

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

arghhh, that was my example of the difficulty in doing background searches here, as compared to Pakistan.
Maine kab kaha ke yahan ke sab larkay bure hote hain? In fact, I would prefer if I can find someone good here...and we are trying too, but just haven't had much luck meeting families/guys that we click with. I was not generalizing at all. I gave a few examples to show that for some reason, humein so far aise weird cases hi mile hain.
We started looking about 2 years ago but not actively...just on and off, like if something came up then we would consider but we didn't make too much of an effort to be more social for this purpose.

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

[QUOTE]
we didn't make too much of an effort to be more social for this purpose.

[/QUOTE]

why ... ?

u should find urself som1 that 0f urtype or click u ...etc

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

The only advice I have for you and your family is for you to pay a rishta lady to find you someone. My cousin's parents did this because they'd been looking for like 7 years for someone for her and found no one they liked so the went to a professional.

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

I know of too many divorces like this where the girl was born and raised abroad and the guy is imported from back home. It rarely works out.

The prime reason: the guy figures out the girl has had a sexual past and/or has many male friends she is too close with.

I think its understandable for a guy to want a girl with a similar level of sexual past. The average Pakistani guy has had 1 or 2 gf's at the most and had some tentative moments of kissing , if lucky, before he gets married. He should marry a girl who hasnt had more than that.

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

madz I think you're better off looking in Canada. A Pakistani guy will be unlikely to find a job that matches his credentials, simply because of the perception of Pakistani degrees. And given the fact that you seem to be in a successful career, this may cause problems. It seems minor but it's not, it does cause problems. This is not exclusive to Desi men, it happens among white people as well.

You should also seriously think about whether you do want a guy who is more qualified/successful/driven than you. Assuming that he is, and he works similar or longer hours, how are the two of you going to make time for family as you progress up the corporate ladder? I don't think a relationship has room for two "power" careers. You can't both be working till 7-8pm (or longer) every night. Are you willing to compromise and take a few years off when you guys decide to have kids? Is he going to do that? Just something to think about.

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Why didn’t we make more of an effort earlier? Because we didn’t know it would be this hard. Initially, I think everyone kind of hopes for a smooth and reasonably quick process. We thought we would get 2-3 good proposals and we’ll choose from those, but it’s been a tough process, to say the least. But iA when the time is right, it will happen.

:smack:
I would ideally want a guy who hasn’t had ANY sort of physical relationship in the past. But I was recently told by this guy (freshly out of Pakistan) that unless you are looking for a mulla, you cannot expect a 28+ guy not to have any flings/affairs/relationships in the past. He said to focus on the future. sigh

Yeah, I agree, it’s tough for Pakistanis to establish a good career here. But if he upgrades his studies in a 2-3 year program and not have to worry about his finances (assuming the wife will support him in every way during the transition period), then he should use the opportunity to his advantage, no? In 1 or 2 cases where my parents proposed this idea to the guy’s family, we got a straight no from the guy: I am sick and tired of studying. I don’t want to study further. Besides, there is no guarantee that even with a Canadian degree I’ll find a decent job when I have zero Canadian experience.
It’s almost as if they are afraid of failure or too lazy to study more.

In response to your other question, yes I would be willing to put my career on hold. Career is important, but family is more important. I don’t expect the guy to sit at home and take care of the kids. I would love to do that myself someday (iA).
To me, guys who are career-oriented, self-assured, and cultured are very attractive. It doesn’t matter if he is from Canada or Pakistan, as long as we are compatible and attracted to each other… like I said earlier, based on the talks I’ve had with a couple guys from here, they have turned out to be far more religious than me (like one of them asked me when I wear a western dress to a holiday party, does it come up to my knees when I’m sitting down … I had to think about that one! As if pakistan main choti kameez ka riwaaj hi nahi aaya kabhi, ya phir wahan choridaar nahi pehnay jaate but no, we must pick on anything western even when done in moderation…I always wear opaque tights + cardigan so no skin shows, but he was like, that’s not allowed in Islam; you can’t wear tights), or they are way too modern for my liking (drinking/smoking/clubbing/dating white chicks and more). If I did find someone balanced, they didn’t reciprocate. Same with people back home … they have different kind of issues but I do believe there are some really respectable/simple/decent families/guys there. I’ll be happy if I find someone with a personality that I find attractive, and if he is willing to overcome the stereotypes and make an effort to start a career. Hopefully, I end up with someone I can fall in love with. Hopefully, all this struggle is worth it in the end.

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

madz124

*I would ideally want a guy who hasn't had ANY sort of physical relationship in the past. But I was recently told by this guy (freshly out of Pakistan) that unless you are looking for a mulla, you cannot expect a 28+ guy not to have any flings/affairs/relationships in the past. He said to focus on the future. *

He is wrong. The vast majority of guys dont get the opportunity to have flings and affairs.
even if they did, experience in a man shouldnt worry a woman like vice versa ;)

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

Your Pakistani guy couldn’t be more wrong. The odds of a Pakistani guy, who’s never been in a marriage before, having had a physical relationship with a girl are pretty low. Heck the odds of him having had any sort of romantic relationship are pretty low. No girl is going to get into a relationship with a dirt poor student, who’s dependent on his parents for everything. And when he does graduate and gets a job, the parents usually find a girl for him fast.

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

The thing is, majority of Pakistani guys don’t have the resources to study or work abroad independently. So I think he was referring to the few who do manage to find a way out…such guys have to be clever/smart/go-getters and financially well…and (I think what he meant was) if the guy is like that and of a certain age, then it shouldn’t come as a surprise that he would have been considered popular or desirable back home too…thus, having a colourful past is to be expected.
This particular guy has traveled to many countries for work and now trying to settle down in Canada. I felt like he was trying to justify his past relationships (the ones he had during his work terms in Karachi) by giving me the impression that college/uni culture in Pakistan (esp. in big cities) has “progressed” so much these days. People date and it’s no big deal. It’s nothing serious; it’s more like having a good time. And he assured me that it never went as far as the bedroom…that it was just casual dating and hanging out. And to further justify this “common” behaviour, he said his younger brother (in Pakistan) has two girlfriends right now (and then he laughed). :smack:

I might have been ok with all this ^ as long as he can be loyal in the future. But when he told me that he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with low-cut dresses, mini skirts, and sleeveless tops…that after hearing the details about me (like prior to meeting for coffee), he had pictured a bold, clever girl…and that he wouldn’t mind his kids growing up and dressing in western style clothes if they liked … I was like okay this is definitely not the guy for me!

The thing that surprised me is that his family (in Pak) is really simple and educated … I would say, they belong to middle class. So I don’t know how he can be so different and be such a player. He is average looking…but very confident. He goes, Pakistan main tu aaj kal English itni aam ho gayi hai, wahan ki larkiyan tumse bhi achi English bolti hain with accent. :afshi:Ok buddy!

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

ap next thread open kerna abt bahir ka larkayyy ... first do som research work phrr detail share kernaa ... :)

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LOL app mazaaq ura rahe ho? I wouldn't consider him bahir ka larka. He has been in Canada for less than a year...still struggling with finding a job that matches his qualifications. But perhaps due to his int'l travel experience, he has developed this arrogance that is not attractive at all.

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i guess he might shared ths all with u … n thinking lik for her ths all kinda things r pretty normal .. for him u can easily digest all ths colorful parts of his life … he mgt hav taken u way much easy and underestimated ur eastern style n cultural values …

I guess this would b ur last meeting .. u didnt bother to meet him again … or did u ?

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i didnt mean tht , nt at all ... guyz frm middle class need way much time to digest tht all part of living abroad .... so tell us , after all ths still is ther any chance for him or he is out of the game .... ?

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@fusion: That's what my mom said too when I told her why I wasn't interested in talking to him further. She said, ho sakta hai us ne points banaane ke liye aisa kaha ho. Maybe he is trying to show you that he is flexible because perhaps he thinks you're westernized. But honesty is so important. Why would people want to fake it to make it? It's not right.

No, I didn't see him after. Once I heard, "haya tu aurat ki aankhon main hoti hai, just because she dresses like a slut doesn't mean she is a slut", I had had enough. I would never raise my kids to dress immodestly just to blend in or to get ahead in life.

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Probably. I’ve never dated, so my observation could be flawed. And my university didn’t have a lot of girls, so yeah my observation isn’t the final word on this.

Hmm.

I definitely don’t want my kids wearing that. I hope they don’t.

:rotfl:
Yahan English bilkul aam nahi hui. But there are people who can nail an American accent.

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Re: Baahir ki larkiyan

From speaking to my cousins and people I know, there is a lot of dating in some circles. A friend of mine who goes to Kinnaird College says that half the girls there have boyfriends, some have multiple, and many are also sexually active. And these are the girls.

Some of my cousins and their friends are also dating, while hiding it from their parents of course. Not sure how physical it is though. So from my experience, Pakistan is not exactly as "pure" as our parents like to think it is.

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^
Thanks Ghosty. I’ll make sure I stay away from Kinnaird girls when I start looking for rishtas :rotfl:.
And ghost’s cousins :omg:I’ll stay away from them too.

This Pakistani is as pure as driven snow :blush: