Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
I just don't think its fair men can marry asap after a death but women have to remain single forever.
The ASAP men also face a lot of 'talk' from the people......it depends on individual situation....its not that easy for them either.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
In our society, how willing a grownup kid would be (lets say 18 +) to force his/her mom or dad to remarry after the death of the other parent.
Somehow it looked upon as a taboo in our society, especially if the kid himself/herself is reaching the age of marriage.
Do you know of any such case. God forbid, if you are in such situation, what would you do? Lets assume that the surviving parent is younger than 55.
well i will be more than happy with my mom or dad's marriage as long as they are happy. wont care whether they are too old or whether i have reached the marriage age. its gonna be their choice if they wanna get married, who am i to stop or to create a panga.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
so this is what I am noticing. Younger crowd is totally against it, not in terms of it being any taboo but mainly because they dont even want to think of such scenario.
A bit older crowd (especially married crowd) is little but more open towards the idea.
off course there are some exceptions.
Is that a fair conclusion?
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
sweetif - what if she met someone she liked. It's not about you not having to take care of her but her getting a chance at life.
umm, i dunno. i guess if she's happy then i'd appear to have no qualms about it..
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
I just don't think its fair men can marry asap after a death but women have to remain single forever.
I said the same thing to my mother once in my feminist mode and I got an earful :p She said tum Allah se zyada samajhdaar nahin ho, a woman has to wait a while (mourn for ~4 months) after the death of her husband before getting married again just in case she is pregnant. Centuries ago, they really did have to wait that long before it could be confirmed whether they were pregnant or not. A man obviously doesn't need to worry about this but he should show respect for his wife's death and wait a while before getting married again.
Realistically speaking, losing a partner is a HUGE blow and marriage would be the last thing on the surviving partner's mind.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
one of my school mate's mother died when he was very young may be less than 10 years old and he used to tell us how his father got re married even before his mother's chaleeswah (40 days mourning) was done and how his step mother don't even give him breakfast. He always hated his father for doing that. I met him again some 2 years back on fb he is now married with 2 kids and masha allah he is keeping them very happy & very well. So I feel whatever he missed as a child he is now giving to his family.
the reason I have cited above example is that there is a huge difference when the parent get married when children are very young and when children are grown up and independent and have their own lives. Either way the decision has a huge impact on children.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
a woman has to wait a while (mourn for ~4 months) after the death of her husband before getting married again just in case she is pregnant. .
Couple of clarifications.
4 months (of iddat) is not a mourning period. Islamically, mourning period should not last more than 3 days (that does not mean that one is prohibited from crying, but life should be returned to as normal as possible after 3 days)
If woman is already pregnant at the time of death of her husband then iddat will get over at the time of dleivery. So if she delivers a child very next day, technically she can remarry the day after.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
do you know the ages of all these posters ?? 
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
we can all guess the ages and/or marital status.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
I just don't think its fair men can marry asap after a death but women have to remain single forever.
How many cases have you actually seen where a man marries right after the wife's death?
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
How many cases have you actually seen where a man marries right after the wife's death?
we read couple of occurrences like that in this thread, but I believe that those things are rare in real life.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
It is, first off it would take time for someone to find a wife anyway. Even then an early marriage could have other reasons like young kids who need someone..etc.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
Even then an early marriage could have other reasons like young kids who need someone..etc.
I doubt if kids need a mom that desperately that father needs to get married before chaleeswaan.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
i know some ajeeb cases in our neighborhood.
1 st couple . her 38 him 48, had 5 girls between 5 & 12 - he died suddenly during an operation. she was very tough, but didnt react, as we expected... after 2 month we heard, she married her husbands friend, who is married already to someone else.
2 nd "couple. 1993 - her 55, really ill - him 50. 3 kids - 13 - 16 - 20. he went to pa. for preparetions for their daughters wedding. when he came back, we found out, he has married his cousin in pak. who was a widow. in pak their was the rumor, she killed his hubbi. she had 2 boys already.
his reason to marry the 2nd woman was, cause his 1st wife is too ill, and he needs someone, who cares about him.
first wife left him. better throw him out. the kids cut all the contact with their father.
1st ex wife died 8 ysr later, 2nd wife after another 2 yrs... saron ne kaha: dekho, pehli biwi ko itna dukh diya. ab wo is duniya se chali gai or 2 saal baad, dusri biwi bhi mar gai.
now he had 5 boys, from the second wife. 2 usi pehli shaadi ke or 3 un dono ke.
abhi 1 saal bhi nahin guzra aur 3rd shadi kar li. is aurat ke pehli do betiyan thin. aur ab us aurat ke saath 3 larkiyan hain.
us aadmi ke jo pote / poti hain, wo 14/15 saal ke hain. us aadmi ke apne bache ab jo youngest hai, i think 3yrs ki hai...
this is really disgusting! ewwww....
3rd couple. both were in their mid 60`s. we thought they were the perfect couple. she died and after 6 month he remarried with a girl, who is the same age as his daughter. and he has an older son...
this was unbelievable for us...
aur ek aisa milta julta aur bhi waqiya hai....
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
Mbar, I heard that there is a vacancy available at Akhbar-e-Jahan of a writer for Teen Aurtain Teen Kahaniyan. Care to apply?
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
haan haan, aap hanslo!
mera pehla itna lamba post hai. par kiya karun… itni ajeeb storys hain, ke batani hi parin…
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
that guys sounds like a black widow..
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
This thread remind me of a thread where how people don't want to marry a widow or divorced,
Ok let's say theres on widow with 2/3 small kids she wants to get married again,but can u imagine how hard it wud be for her to find someone to marry her?
Unfortunately it is hard enough for a single woman to get married, I would imagine the available bachelors would be even more challenging to find for a divorcee or widow.
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
My father was an alcoholic and my mom divorced him when I was12 and my mom was in her early 30s. She tried to find someone to marry and we supported her but with 3 kids it was hard for her to find someone... She just got used to being alone.. Now I m 20 and I wasnt ready for marriage but I feel a lil pressure to get married or go live at a dorm to make it easier for my mom to get married.. Not from her but just her friends n stuff.
My siblings, especially my younger brother, and I encourage her to meet ppl and go out but she doesnt know how to do tht.
She always says she will get married after I do.. Lol when I m mad at my fiance, I tell him tht I m marrying him just for my mom. It is true to some extent because I dont want to b all alone when my mom gets married and moves to another state because I will also have my younger brother to take care of.
At first I felt like she was abandonijng us but I do understand because she is not getting any younger and it Isd really hard to find a good cvompanion at this age in the desi communuty
Re: Attending the nikah of your own mother (or father)
I have seen case where man got married after 8 or 9 yrs of his first wife death. He has four sons with first wife. Except eldest one, all three kids were ok with his marriage. At the time of his marriage his eldest son was about above 30 yrs and young were around 22 or 23 yrs old. As the man doesn't have daughter so he faced lots of domestic problems. His home was mess without a women. But second marriage was not his choice. Eldest son got married in few months after death of his mother. But the marriage couldn't last for long. so the father thought to marry again for management of his house. Second son got married after few months of his fathers marriage. They were happy. But i have heard that step mother does not want to live with them anymore and wants separate house and the man is not willing to leave his sons. So marriage is going to end soon i guess.
I think children should not oppose their parents second marriage because everyone needs partner.