Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
^ I agree with WH. If your boyfriend is what is scaring your mom, I suggest talking to her about the matter. She's taking drastic measures here. And you both can talk this out and reach a compromise without her resorting to such a drastic measure. Marriage is not necessarily the solution to everything.
Is it better for me to stick with my BF or to get married to my cousin? I mean, I feel I've made such big mistakes now, reflecting on what you guys have said? I kind of still feel disturbed by the fact of marrying my cousin, but I'm wondering if I've done someting worse.
I don't know if she knows, I guess it's likely she does. Is it wrong for me too, I mean, am I making a mistake? Someone else here I confided it said so, and it seems you all agree. Well, has that been one big mistake?
By mistake do you mean having a boyfriend? Well, you can't help who you fall for, hon. I understand that. However, Islam has limits regarding the mingling of opposite genders because potentially one thing can lead to another. And your mom is worried about "one thing leading to another".....especially since teenagers are surrounded with various influences and pressures and raging hormones.
I'm not saying that you are an irresponsible teen at all. I'm just saying that perhaps your mom is afraid of such things.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Should you stick to your boyfriend? Well, that would depend upon your priorities and your faith. If your boyfriend is not a Muslim, Islamic law prohibits such a union. If you follow Islam and believe it to be your faith, understand that such a marriage is not possible.
At the same time, Islam does not consider a forced marriage (to a cousin or otherwise) to be valid either.
You and your boyfriend are both young and high school relationships tend to be fickle and prone to changes.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Crystal have you asked your mom why she wants you to marry your cousin? If so, what did she say? And her telling you that he's rich and he's your cousin is not a reason. What are her reasons for marrying you off at such a young age to someone you don't care for?
Try asking her that question. And ask her if she's afraid that you'd end up with a white person. And steer the discussion from there.
You said your mom is religious. What about you. I'm not judging here. I'm trying to get an idea of your priorities to understand the situation better. Would you be against marrying a muslim guy?
I don't know if she knows, I guess it's likely she does. Is it wrong for me too, I mean, am I making a mistake? Someone else here I confided it said so, and it seems you all agree. Well, has that been one big mistake?
You are just 3 years younger than my own daughter so I am looking at your situation as a mother as well as putting myself in your shoes.
If my daughter started dating, I would be fearful of the consequences of her actions. I am not concerned about the color of his skin but where this dating will lead and in all probability at 16, its not leading to marriage and therefore a waste of time. 16 is too young to do so many other things, and in many states, having sex with a 16 year old is a felony. If you are both being intimate, he can go to jail for having sex with an underage minor. That is how YOUNG you are sweetheart..even the laws dont think you are old enough to be doing anything like that.
The fact that you seem to be contemplating the whole marriage situation suggests that you are not serious about your current relationship.
Marrying a cousin is not a bad idea (as long as you dont mention that to your white cousins), the issue seems to be the rush to get you married off so young to someone who is also a kid.
Look at yourself and look for changes that you can make. Why not tell your mom that you want to learn about your Asian heritage and ask her to introduce you to it. Your mom seems to have lost her own connection to her heritage so it might be a useful exercise for both of you.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Whats goin on why people wanna marry thier kids before they even get mature
let the girl complete her basic education first,
let her past college ATLEAST
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
^ Couldn't have said it better that Wildhalcyon. Crystle....i get the vibe that you're not too serious about your boyf since you're contemplating your feelings regarding this recent marriage arrangement.
As I said earlier, high school relationships tend to be fickle. I don't have kids, neither am i married, but I have taught teenagers and I used to be one not too far back.....so I know about this.
Most high school relationships don't progress toward marriage. Many don't even make it the whole school year. And the complicated emotions involved in these relationships have strong consequences if one is not careful and doesn't take the time to evaluate the situation.
If you show your Mom that you're open to learning about Islam and your culture....she might even realize her error in resorting to such a drastic measure as opposed to taking the time to expose u to your culture and having a mom-to-daughter talk about important issues like relationships. She might just realize the mistake of her hasty decision....if you calmly try to connect with her. This might just b reversible if you try various strategies out.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
This is going towrdas bad end...i think ive sen an excat duplicate story ot this which failed drsatically
lemme go bak and read ur thread starting
im coming....
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
The thread seems to be started by a fake person. Absolutely no credibility so far to the story or the information provided. Besides, the thread has not gone anywhere in four pages.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Refuse, right away. It will be a utter disaster. Stop thinking about this issue, it was never their. The End.
Is it better for me to stick with my BF or to get married to my cousin? I mean, I feel I've made such big mistakes now, reflecting on what you guys have said? I kind of still feel disturbed by the fact of marrying my cousin, but I'm wondering if I've done someting worse.
I think it is better for you to check the Laws of the US............when ever an under age person especially girls are issued passport in US..........they need a letter from parents..............plus they also ask if you are being forced to travel against your wishes to a foreign land.............check with an attorney!
That may delay it until you are 18..........then you can make your decision one way or the other!
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
you are ONLY 16...and that should be reason enough.
Why do some people here think I'm lying? If that's the case, I can just leave if you want...
i dont think ur lying, CrystleLumpitt, and please ignore the people who are saying that. not everyone's opinion is worth considering.
I understand Mickey, it's just I kind of got bugged when some here were accusing me of lying, and seeming to have fun from accusing me of such.
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Crystle....i get the vibe that you're not too serious about your boyf since you're contemplating your feelings regarding this recent marriage arrangement.
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To be fair, I am not very serious with that relationship. I admit it. I guess that is bad, but it is the truth.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
^u needed the emotional support hence u hve a bf, think it over am i rite or wrong?
Yeah, I pretty much did. And it's pretty much over now between him and I.
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If you show your Mom that you're open to learning about Islam and your culture....she might even realize her error in resorting to such a drastic measure as opposed to taking the time to expose u to your culture and having a mom-to-daughter talk about important issues like relationships
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Could this have all happened because of my mistake of having a bf?