it is possible u know, maybe ur mom found out about and now she's being protective of you, most people don't want their children to make the same mistakes they made, so it's a possibility she's wants you to be safely married:
also ur aunt could have known too, or at least known about ur mom's concerns and either taking advantage of the situation or helping out her sister.
Whatever's happened, u need to talk to ur mother and assure her that she doesnt need to worry about u being irresonsible, and that u'd like to get in touch with ur roots, and will agree to the marriage at a later date, also make her understand that u have concerns about fitting in and that u'd like to make an informed decision regarding ur life.
Hope this helps.
Crystle, I think this workable. You can get yourself out of this situation if you stay focused. You said that you were not serious about your boyfriend and that it's over between you and him.
**Now **that you are not involved in any relationship in school.....you can focus on developing a stronger relationship with your mom.
I do not know the details about your mom's relationship with your father, but I'm wondering if perhaps their relationship was strained. And your mom is afraid that you might go down the same path as her.
So here is what I think you should do. Ask to your mom about why she's pressing this marriage when you are only 16. Tell her that you don't emotionally feel ready for a marriage and that you find it hard to imagine that she would impose a life-altering decision on you when you don't feel ready for it. Talk to her about your goals in life (college, etc). Tell her that you sense she's worried or afraid about something and that you want her to talk about her fears so that YOU can understand her better. And when she discusses her fears......reassure her. Be open to learning more about religion and culture if she fears that you don't know much about these things.
But you HAVE to stay firm about your decision to not marry your cousin. Stand your ground. For now....open up calm and mature communication with your mom. And please remind your mom.....that Islam **does not consider a marriage contract valid unless it has the consent of the bride to be. Also remind her that Islam** does not consider forced marriages to be valid either. Hopefully, this will get her to reflect over her actions. After all, she's your mom. Not your enemy.
I will say once again that I don't trust your aunt. And Mickeymouse has made a good point. It's very possible that your mom found out about your boyfriend and told her sister...and your aunt decided to take advantage of the situation. I say this because very few aunts would get their 20-year-old sons married.
You've borrowed yourself some time and now make use of it. Step 2: Open discussion with mom.
Could this have all happened because of my mistake of having a bf?
Heck yeah , this is the only reason.
Now prove to your mom that you are going to be responsible in future.
No desi parent would swallow this fact that their daughter who is 16 or 36 hooks up with a guy in a bf/gf relationship.
It is your job now to mend fences with your mother and make sure that you are not going to make the same mistake again.
It does not matter how she was deceived by your father or abandoned by your father. Even if she had normal relationship with your father she would not let her 16 year old daughter bf/gf relationship with a guy, who, in her eyes, is after just one thing which she loves the most , you. She knows at this age romantic relationships are not mature and responsible. So she know one way of turning it into a mature and responsible relationship, by marrying you with her 20 year old nephew . I do not know what makes her think that he is going to be responsible adult at this age, specially if he comes from a very rich background. You need to talk her out of it though. Tell her that if he was 35 or above then he would be a mature and responsible adult and you would happily marry him. I am just kidding and giving you some food of thought to talk to your mother in a more responsible way.
Heck 16 year old are not responsible in their dressing , eating , walking , talking , sleeping , health , how can they be responsible in romantic relationships. They just know one thing how to have fun out of everything.
For your mom life is much more than that.
Thank you very much for this post, Mirch. But I must say, if he was 35, I'd be even more disturbed. The age difference would be too big, wouldn't it be? I know you were kidding there, but is that done ever in Pakistan?
Assuming that this is true. Which I’m not really hedging my bets on. But is there ever a reason to force your 16 year old into a MARRIAGE?!
As ifffffffffff you people are trying to blame her for her parents ridiculous selfishness. She is not responsible for the happiness of adults. If life is hard for her cousin, tell him to get swimming or to jump onto a boat.
If you don’t want to get married, don’t. I am sure you can report this to your local police department who will be able to advice with where to get further assistance from.
Also, focus on school. It’ll save your life. Fact. :k:
I KNOW OF A CONVIENICE DESPERATE MARRIAGE LIKE THIS OF A YOUNG WESTERN PAKI GIRL TO A PAKISTANI GUY.
IT TURNED OUT TO BE DISASTER.
BECOS THE GUY WAS CHOSEN IN HASTE BY THE PARENST WORRIED SHE IS TOO FREE, THE GUY DID NOT TURN OU TO BE GOOD HE JUSTMARRIED HER ASSUMING HER TO HAVE HAD PREV BF WHO WAS AND TREATED HER NO MORE THANA WHORE, NEVR GAVE HER ANY RIGHTS, NEVER GAVE HER ANYTHING NOT EVEN A HOME, SHE USE TO LIVE IN US, HE STAYED IN PAK, SHE USED TO COME EVERY FEW YEARS TO PAK, USE TO GO BACK PREGNANT, AND GOT KIDS TO LOOK AFTERHERELF, THEY GUY DIDT NOT GIVE DAMN AND WAS ALWSY KEEN WHENEVR SHE MENTIONED DIVORCE.
SHE GOT TOOKEN BA BIG RIDE BY HIM. HE WAS LAZY LOSER, JOBLESS SHAMLEES GUY.
ALL BECOS PARENTZ THOUGHT GETTING DAUGHTER MARRIED QUICK WOULD STOP HER FROM HER FROM ROAMING AND FSTABLISE HERLIFE, BUT IT PROVED OPPOSITE.
GIRL IS NOW LIVING ALONE IN U.S WITH 3 SMALL KIDS, ON STATE.BENEFITS. MOTHER HAS DIED, B....TRD HUSBNAD STILL SITTING ON HIS ASS IN PAK NOT GIVING TOSS ABUT WIFE.