Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Not the two 'inbred' ones, the daughter of one of the mum's white friends..
Ur points are valid, suppose we won't know for sure until Crystle comes back on and clarifies the situation..
Not the two 'inbred' ones, the daughter of one of the mum's white friends..
Ur points are valid, suppose we won't know for sure until Crystle comes back on and clarifies the situation..
^ hmmmmmmmm, where is Crystle? So many holes in this scenario that it raises questions to it's validity.
Well.........Ladies........we may disagree on the other aspects of this situation....but let's agree on one thing: the situation is odd and there is a lack of thorough information. All in agreement, say "Aye"....LOL, kidding.
And best wishes to Crystle in resolving the matter.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
^ Lol :)
I was a pretty ignorant desi myself (didn't know about hijab or halal meat till my own Mum suddenly started wearing it suddenly when I was 13/14 or even the word 'desi' till like 2yrs ago and I'm in my mid-twenties, my Asian friend told me even white girls know what the word means lol) so maybe that's y I believe that she didn't know what a salwar khameez was (or I'm more gullible!). I couldn't even say 'thankyou' in Urdu till a few yrs ago, how sad is that..
^ Lol :)
I was a pretty ignorant desi myself (didn't know about hijab or halal meat till my own Mum suddenly started wearing it suddenly when I was 13/14 or even the word 'desi' till like 2yrs ago and I'm in my mid-twenties, my Asian friend told me even white girls know what the word means lol) so maybe that's y I believe that she didn't know what a salwar khameez was (or I'm more gullible!). I couldn't even say 'thankyou' in Urdu till a few yrs ago, how sad is that..
So what IS the urdu word for thank you?:p
So what IS the urdu word for thank you?:p
Shukriya. Although most desis from the homeland seem to say "thank you" more often than shukriya.
Shukriya. Although most desis from the homeland seem to say "thank you" more often than shukriya.
RED! I was trying to test Deeba! LOL
The one I have trouble with is that welcome word..khush amdeed or amdaad or something like that!
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
^ Like the Arabic :) Actually I knew the Arabic word first.. Loads of words I don't know come to think of it, can't even count past 20. Lol Wildhalcyon I knew that but try asking me days of the week and I wouldn't have a clue.... or left and right...
Crystle, u've written in another forum that ur family has arranged ur marriage to ur cousin bk in** India**, not Pakistan. I'm assuming it's u as u've called urself Crystle there as well and the post was written yesterday as well as u describing urself as having red hair, blue eyes and fair skin, same exact situation taking place except that it's India ur apparently having to move to..
Thank you for all the responses, I didn't think I'd get this much attention. There was so many responses, I hope you don't mind if I respond to each in a sown together fashion.
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non-desi parent So I am assuming that one of your parents is white and brought up in the west, so how can they support such behaviour as forcing you into this?
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Sorry if I caused confusion in this. My father, someone I never knew, was not Pakistani. He was American. He was never apart of my life. I don't know his family, if he even had one, all I know is my Pakistani side.
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the situation is odd and there is a lack of thorough information
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What kind of information do you need exaclty? I'm sorry if I am not more descriptive and open, I guess I kind of rush what I do.
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This girl must be in a western environment with minimal Asian exposure because even hanging out with Indians would have made this girl more aware of South Asian culture
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Well, I don't live in a South Asian community, and I had no idea what it was. I didn't mean to cause confusion from asking. I'm sorry.
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Crystle, u've written in another forum that ur family has arranged ur marriage to ur cousin bk in India, not Pakistan. I'm assuming it's u as u've called urself Crystle there as well and the post was written yesterday as well as u describing urself as having red hair, blue eyes and fair skin, same exact situation taking place except that it's India ur apparently having to move to..
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This is strange. I have asked this question in two other places, I admit I didn't just go here for help, but I have not said anywhere about India. I guess someone here is pulling a prank on me? Wouldn't be the first time. I one time asked on a message board for help regarding image software (I'm taking photography and image design at High School), and someone found out at school and masquaraded as me on the forum spreading nasty images and such. So I have experience with pranks and mean jokes....
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Why is dad settling for a guy whose only 20 years old? Just because he's his nephew? Men are pretty careful about having good providers for their daughters. Wouldn't the dad at least wait until the guy was older? There are missing pieces.
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AFAIK, my cousin has a wealthy family back in Pakistan, and after the marriage, I'll be living with them. Again, I know I should be more informative, but I have a tendency to rush things.
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How is your aunt's financial situation? Is she struggling financially? Is it possible that your aunt has schemed this match up so that her son can get easier access into America, Canada, wherever you live?
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Well, her and her family are wealthy, but it's under threat for some reason. I don't know the full details, my family often keeps me in the dark.
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crystle where r u frm usa/uk/canada?
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USA.
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y not sit n spk to ur parents n cme to a compromise, like say ok im happy to get married so long as i can finish my education here (wherever u live) n then i will go n live in pak
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I've asked them before, and they say they are willing to wait a few months only. They are in a rush.
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No, its not violent(depending on where ur frm) is it a village or city?wat area?
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It's right near Lahore.
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Do you accept or refuse? Well, I'm confused because you said that your marriage has already been arranged. That seems to imply that you weren't give much choice in the matter. But if you have been given a choice, and you don't want to get married, then please refuse.
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Well I can refuse, but I will basically be exiled from my family. They'll just basically throw me out, something they have said to me actually.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
^ No they won't throw you out. Even if they say they will, they won't.
Not to be condescending, how do you know?
hinna_, if you don't mind elaborating, since you were married at..14, how do you feel about it now looking back at it? That is rather..young, I mean it's younger than me even. It's kind of weird, I must admit. Also, how old was your cousin?
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Good lord!!!
Uh..what?
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Don't approve! Seriously, I mean you need to sort things out with your parents. Beg if you have to! But just please don't go off to Pakistan and marry at 16. It's ridiculous!
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Cyrstle, I'm going to let you in on a little old school desi parenting secret. Many desi kids have encountered emotional blackmail/threats from their parents about being "kicked out of the house" or "being ostracized/exiled," etc. (not all parents use this strategy though).
And I will agree that a few **parents will carry out those threats. **BUT MOST DO NOT. So why do they do this? It's a dysfunctional parenting strategy to create emotional pressure that will push the child into submitting to their parents' will.
^It's a common strategy. And yes, it does sound scary when they make such threats. It sounds even scarier when you're young like yourself. But as you grow older, you will find that MOST DESI PARENTS are too overly concerned about their **public reputation **to "kick their child out of the home" or "exile them".
Some things are just easier said than done if you know what I mean. As rupay halwa said above, they'll say it .......but like many desi parents.....it's more than likely they won't do it. And you have to be strong here, Crystle. Don't fall for it.
In my opinion it doesn't matter if your cousin comes from a wealthy family. He's 20 and that's young for a guy to settle down. Moving to Pakistan would be a huge lifestyle change for you. Think about the consequences here. These empty threats about being "exiled" are to get you to comply to their wishes. Marriage should be a mutual decision. You don't want to look back on your wedding day and think about how you were forced and blackmailed. You want to remember such an event as a fond memory because its a huge deal.
I suggest you work on borrowing some time from your parents. Do you like this guy? If so, consider an engagement and delay the marriage until you both are older. If you don't want to marry him at all, do you think you can get contact with your aunt? Tell your aunt that you don't want to marry him. Tell your cousin you don't want to marry him. If that won't help.....is there **ANY ELDER **at all in your family such as a trusted grandparent or uncle who has authority? Perhaps talking to such a person might help. He or she can tell your aunt and your father that they need to stop pressuring you if you're not interested.
Crystal: I think your WAY too young for marriage.. and the idea of a 16 year old moving to Pakistan forever after getting married, is one I would personally NOT recommend. What do you honestly want? You don't sound too keen about this whole idea.. I think you should tell your mom straight up that you don't want this as YOUR future. I'm not being funny, but she can't be THAT conservative since she did marry a non-pakistani herself, right? Find a way to explain to her & get out of this as quick as you can.
Re: Arranged to marry at 16, not feeling right...
Crystle, my advice is to stand firm on the decision to not marry this guy (if that's how you feel). Don't waver, don't back down. I know it's easier said than done, but these situations are best handled with strength. Is it possible for you to talk to a trusted elder from your dad's side of the family such as a grandparent or an uncle? I would suggest someone who has authority and who can speak to your dad and aunt about not pressuring you. Also, would it help at all if you tell your cousin that you're not interested in marrying him? As wealthy as they might be, it's odd for a mom to push her 20 year old son into marriage (even if he likes you).
redvelvet, I appreciate your advice. However, I don't think I have any elders I can lean on, if you mean it like that. I mean, most of my family IS in Pakistan, and most I have not gotten into contact with. As for delaying, my family says they can wait a year at the moment, but that's pretty much it.