Please advise (Particularly interested to hear from people who have actually been through the experience).
Scenario - Bit of matchmaking been going on, some one has found a boy and a girl who seem to be compatible with eachother, now they need to meet up face to face. They have only seen eachother in photo’s, but never had any contact, no phone talk etc.
So, should they meet up face to face to speak to eachother for the first time, or should they text / call eachother to break the ice first?
Also, what topics should they avoid talking about in the first meeting, and indeed, what SHOULD they talk about?
Bearing in mind both boy and girl have never been thru the whole lets meet up to check eachother out scene b4, so would b understandable nervous.
WHERE should they meet up, and what for, eg just coffee, or a full on lunch?
Voice of many experiences, albiet, unsuccessful experiences!
Usually the initial phone call should last about 20-30 mins, brief chat about work/education...very brief. There should really only be about 1 phone call before they meet, anymore than that then expectations will begin to surface. Its better to leave the bulk of the whole experience face to face as phone calls dont really tell you everything you need to know.
They should only meet for coffee first and then go from there. Lunch/dinner is a tad too much, iv never felt comfortable doing that.
Aim to talk about everything but marriage. You usually get the gist of a person through other topics anyway.
They could talk about the credit crunch! Or the Polish all leaving to go back to their country! Anything but marriage. Oh and niether party should talk too much about family details at the first meeting.
Voice of many experiences, albiet, unsuccessful experiences!
Usually the initial phone call should last about 20-30 mins, brief chat about work/education...very brief. There should really only be about 1 phone call before they meet, anymore than that then expectations will begin to surface. Its better to leave the bulk of the whole experience face to face as phone calls dont really tell you everything you need to know.
They should only meet for coffee first and then go from there. Lunch/dinner is a tad too much, iv never felt comfortable doing that.
Aim to talk about everything but marriage. You usually get the gist of a person through other topics anyway.
They could talk about the credit crunch! Or the Polish all leaving to go back to their country! Anything but marriage. Oh and niether party should talk too much about family details at the first meeting.
OK, well thanks for that, will bear it in mind. Perhaps talking about the credit crunch will make them depressed, must have happy topics for happy thoughts!
OK, well thanks for that, will bear it in mind. Perhaps talking about the credit crunch will make them depressed, must have happy topics for happy thoughts!
happy thoughts? Well I did mention the Polish are leaving!
Ouch...that was mean. They do build nice houses though.
They should talk on the phone first to establish some sort of familiarity with each other. Phone call should be about 20 - 30 minutes as one of the other posters mentioned before. They should talk about basic things like education, family, career, etc. Try not to talk about the M word and stay away from politics for the time being.
Once they talk on the phone and the conversation seems to flow...Starbucks it is! :)
sorry I am not one of the phone first proponents. In my view meeting face to face but in a group setting for teh first time where there are common people present works best, no one has much pressure on them, they are nto stuck in a situation and if they dont really click its not a trapped at lunch situation.
If at first meting they click or there is interest on both sides, then an in person meeting where they can talk more works better.
Phone is a good thing for ppl who know each other and are using it is a medium to communicate, but as the first part of meeting someone, I dont think that works well at all.
Hmmm, so i see a pattern emerging here, the ladies like the phone first, meet later approach.
BTW, im a lady but i think 30 mins is a little too long for a first conversation? But thats probably bcos i've got it in my head that they sould simply say hi, like to hook up, and chat later.
The man pov is meet first. X2, have u been in a similar situation, (need to know bcos i am actually taking what everyone is saying very seriously.) I have been thinking of a group situation, where they can b introduced and then group can discreetly wander off leaving them to it.
Come on people, step forward with your real life stories, my fellow novice matchmaker and I need advice, we don't want these 2 people to hit it off on the wrong note.
i second X2... a phone call is in no way a great way to break the ice.. i HATE talkin on the phone and cant at all explain myself on it.. i need eye contact and a person's body language speaks a million.
when i started off my relationship with my husband, we were introd thru his cousin... and the first suggestion was talkin on the phone (since we lived in diff countries).. i said a clear no cuz i knew i just could not get my point across... so we used to chat online.. and boy were there misunderstandings... again.. cuz you just dont know the other person, never met, so u have no clue in what sense they are saying something, nor can you see their body language...
so unless their talkin on the phone skills are superb.. i would suggest meeting in person. since both know they are meeting up with regards to marriage.. im sure they can talk bout what they are looking for in a spouse... dont get too heavily into it.. but lay some basic groundwork... and even if they dont discuss anything related to what they want from their spouse... or what they are looking for... just talkin bout general everyday stuff can tell a whole lot bout a person...
my brother was recently set up by a friend of his, and he and the girl decided to meet in person rather than chat on the phone, again cuz both thought it rather silly.. you live in the same city, why not meet up.. you get a much better understanding of the other person... they talked bout themselves... their lifestyles, hobbies etc... and the meeting lasted 2 hours :D cuz they both had a lot to say...
they both decided at the end of the first meet to meet up again, cuz one meet is not enuff.
a few more meetings later they both decided nah, it just isnt coming along... and went their ways... but both kept their conversations light but at the same time, centered around marriage and are you the one.
one thing they should both do is keep a broad mind.. and go in expecting anything and eveyrthing.
rupay halwa yes, I have been thru all types of meeting ppl. I never went for a talk on the phone first because i find it awkward.
the best meet up was when i was introduced to a girl at a cousins wedding, she was a family friend of one of the cousins. All the cousins were just hanging out at the events and later went out for coffee, we hit it off well, there was no pressure, no awkwardness, I would talk to her and then talk to other ppl, when we established a little more comfort, we kinda hung together with the group but talking as we were hanging out in the city we kinda trailed the group and talked etc.
