Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
the circus, they will fit in just right
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
I think a group setting is better too.One thing I would highly recommend is the boy and the girl respectively think about the things that they really think are important in a would be spouse, maybe like sense of humor etc. These things donot come out in the first meeting but at least the Girl and the boy have it in focus as they go through the initial meeting.
The weirdness factor does wear off a bit more in the group setting with familiar faces but at the same time make sure that the group consists of people that you trust and not of some people that are into the the"I think say No to him/her because of "I" dont like this this about the guy/girl".You will be amazed how the green eyed monstor of envy may creep up into people at times so inappropriate.Just my two cents:)
Make sure you are clear headed about what your wants and needs are for your spouse to be.
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
Group setting would be nice too...maybe a family gathering where other families are there too so the purpose is not just for them to meet.
My take on the phone convo is simply that I like to know the basics before I go and meet the person. But thats just my preference.
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
hi everyone!
Will share my my own experience. Am born and bred in the US and am abt to marry my fiance InshaAllah in a couple of months. Mutual family friends introduced our families for potential rishtas a lil more than a year ago. On our first meeting my family went to his famlies home and so did the mutual family friends. Before dinner was casual conversation--all of the families gathered together. It was during dinnertime that a couple of aunties sat me and my now fiance together and helped break the ice with very general and casual conversation--mostly about food--this tastes good, that tastes good. What do u like to do in your free time etc etc? Then a little while later the Aunties just left usa side dinner table (this was in the kitchen away from the rest of the guests) and allowed us to talk--again very general--nothign abt rishtas. I didnt even know his name or age until we got to their home and thats when I found out that we went to the same uni and same mosque as well.
A couple of days later we talked on the phone for the first time, then after that it was once every two weeks for a few months. It was during this time that we realized that we ar compatible and would like to be in a relationship (then baat pakki hui thi). After baat pakki hui--we were allowed to date unsupervised. Had lovely dinners, watched movies together, met each others friends (this would happen once or twice every month). All in all it took more than year to become "more than friends"--because things develop slowly and gradually--we got to know each other as ppl first, then friends, then best friends, now future spouses.
The reason why I put this story is tht on GS ive heard so much abt arranged marraiges and fears....for any marriage just think Allah mian brought that person as gift for you and an arranged bond is just as strong as any other marriage and there is just as much respect and love for that person. Hope this inspires you guys:)
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
Shouldn't it be what's comfortable for the two people?
If i were in that situation, i guess the best way would be to: group meet then online/text msgs/phone then meet one on one in a situation with not such high expectations?
Just my two cents
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
Blushing Rose, that was beautiful!!! Hope you guys stay happy forever, Inshallah!
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
Thts really sweet blushingRose, May you both have a woderful and prosperous future..May Allah bless u (Ameen)
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
Barnes and Noble is like WH Smith, though I don't remeber if WH Smith has a cafe'. Borders and Barnes and Noble bookstoes here in the US do.
Re: Arranged marriage - First Meeting
group setting
What is Barnes and Nobles?
Hmmm, so i see a pattern emerging here, the ladies like the phone first, meet later approach.
BTW, im a lady but i think 30 mins is a little too long for a first conversation? But thats probably bcos i've got it in my head that they sould simply say hi, like to hook up, and chat later.
The man pov is meet first. X2, have u been in a similar situation, (need to know bcos i am actually taking what everyone is saying very seriously.) I have been thinking of a group situation, where they can b introduced and then group can discreetly wander off leaving them to it.
Come on people, step forward with your real life stories, my fellow novice matchmaker and I need advice, we don't want these 2 people to hit it off on the wrong note.
Its personal preference luv, I feel more confortable having a phone conversation first, just so I know what kind of person they are, gut feeling type of thing. I would know from a phone call if I wanted to meet them or not. I could never meet someone without having any prior contact, waste of time if I know they are not my type of person and yes, I can tell after just one phone call!
Barnes and Nobles - book shop. Like Waterstones.
Hey everybody, thank you so much for your advice, it has been interesting to see different people's pov. We have taken this on board and are now deliberating on the next step to take with the 2 potentials.
Please can I request everyone to pray for the meeting to be a success and that they live happily married ever after, yes im seriously serious!
Many thanks.