***- Are you free on Sunday? The boss asks his staff.
***- Yes, sir.
- Then, please, use this day to rest a bit, so you won't be late at work on Monday.
Pronouns;
**Teacher: Billy, name two pronouns. ** **Billy: Who, me? ** **Teacher: Very good! **
==========
A STORY ABOUT EVERYBODY
**This is a story about four people named ** **Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. **
***There was an important job to be done and Everybody was
asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could
have done it, but Nobody did it.
**Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. **
**Everybody thought Anybody could do it but **
Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.
***It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what
Anybody could have done.
[FONT=times new roman,helvetica]The English Language
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.' Chuck replied, *'Well, then, just give me my money back.'* The farmer said, *'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'* Chuck said, *'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'* The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, *'I'm going to raffle him off.'* The farmer said, *'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'* Chuck said, *'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'* A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, *'What happened with that dead donkey?'* Chuck said, *'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.'* The farmer said, *'Didn't anyone complain?'* Chuck said, *'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'*
**>
I went to a movie the other night and as I usually do, sat in an aisle seat cuz it feels a bit roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde got up from the center of the row and started working her way out.
A bit of nostalgia!!
Read this it is very funny.
True story from Indian Railways
**
*The following is Okhil Chandra Sen's complaint to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. The letter is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi;
*
***I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy.
Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with 'lotah' in one hand and 'dhoti' in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.
This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him.
I am therefore pray your honour to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers.*
and this led to the introduction of toilets on trains.
*2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mela
1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
*
*Sardar 2 doctr: Mujhe 1 problem hai
DR: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt *
**Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
*A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"
*
*Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,
kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega *
**Hitler says,
"There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? "Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na"
Sardar: Yar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k lye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
**1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye
**1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se aeroplane guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
*Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
*
*In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name *
