Re: ARJokes (assorted)
Getting old ain't for sissys ....
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of
years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him
fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!"
...........Keep reading
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two
gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one
that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name
of that restaurant we went to last night?
........Keep Reading
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering
things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're
physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to
help them remember.
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
"Sure."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
"No, I can remember it."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write
it down, so's not to forget it?"
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries."
"I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll f orget that, write
it down?" she asks. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it
down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream
- I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man
returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
.......Keep Reading
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
......Keep Reading
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.
It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor, "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
.......Keep Reading
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A
few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
be cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' "
.......One More
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath,
he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "Arthritis."
