Re: Are you trying?
Ladies, next time they ask you if you're pregnant, ask the person an equally personal question, like:
And I'd add the more "personal" questions, but this is a public forum and you get the idea. Put the other person in the hot seat for a minute and let them know how you feel being probed this way.
Re: Are you trying?
are you trying??
*(aankhon main aankhain dal kar muskuratay howay kaho)
*Jee Nahi, bilkul nahi... time hi nahi milta *'woh kuch' *kernay ka
Re: Are you trying?
Lol you guys I think I will use of your comments next time someone ask me when we are going to have a baby!
I thought of another funny response.
"Not getting any? ;) Are you trying to live vicariously through others" (smile sweetly)
Are you trying?
My MIl just Called and told me that my BIL was
Going to have a baby and then she ask me why aren't you guys trying....hmm told her I was and that we weren't using condoms anymore so it will happen when Allah will lol and that my husband is quite busy at work so that's why it taking time hahaha she got quite and didn't know what to answer me lol don't think she will ask me about that again!
Re: Are you trying?
^ Is that the same MIL who got angry about them holding hands? 
Re: Are you trying?
The best way to tackle such question by is growing couple of humour cells, I've seen such questions turning into a good all round laugh. Hypersensitivity is hardly a solution to bring a social revolution, if you know what I mean. I've seen countless women dismissing such question with harmless and actually reasonable answers such as "Allah ki marzi" "bus dua kare" "or "zaroor, inshAllah" or etc. You'd be surprised and totally shocked to know how many of these people actually don't give a hoot about your personal life (LOL!) , it is sometimes their only tried and tested way to have small talk with you. If the woman is married with kids, start a topic on child raising, if the woman is married without kids, talk about when she'll be having kids, if the girl is unmarried, talk about when she'll be getting married. I am a kind of person that wouldn't mind answering such questions because I don't think they are the right people to have a conversation about the origins of the Cold war or haider Ackermann's spring/summer 13 collection or Vogue Italia's May cover. So whatever floats the boat. Unless someone really crosses the line, I see no reason why such an inevitable question (yes I call it inevitable coz I've seen it happen in non desi workplace amongst much younger crowd") must lead so much frustration and disgust.
Re: Are you trying?
I hate people who ask such personal questions. I've been asked this question by these nosey b*****s when I had just gone through a difficult miscarriage. I wish I had slapped them then, I really regret not doing that.
Yes, it still makes me angry.
Lol yep she wasn't happy about that either
Jolie that's great that you don't mind and are happy to humor a discussion. I for one am having serious health issues and having a child is no where on my radar and it bothers me a great deal that I am barely functional and people who do not have a need to know about my health and life ask me.
I can only imagine how awful it is for those who have had miscarriages, infertility, or going though infertility treatments. I feel that in this day and age when women in their 20's are going through IVF, people be more sensitive and need not ask. Such personal decisions are shared with close family and friends, if a woman has not shared it with you, obviously you have no need to know.
Re: Are you trying?
The best way to tackle such question by is growing couple of humour cells, I've seen such questions turning into a good all round laugh. Hypersensitivity is hardly a solution to bring a social revolution, if you know what I mean. I've seen countless women dismissing such question with harmless and actually reasonable answers such as "Allah ki marzi" "bus dua kare" "or "zaroor, inshAllah" or etc. You'd be surprised and totally shocked to know how many of these people actually don't give a hoot about your personal life (LOL!) , it is sometimes their only tried and tested way to have small talk with you. If the woman is married with kids, start a topic on child raising, if the woman is married without kids, talk about when she'll be having kids, if the girl is unmarried, talk about when she'll be getting married. I am a kind of person that wouldn't mind answering such questions because I don't think they are the right people to have a conversation about the origins of the Cold war or haider Ackermann's spring/summer 13 collection or Vogue Italia's May cover. So whatever floats the boat. Unless someone really crosses the line, I see no reason why such an inevitable question (yes I call it inevitable coz I've seen it happen in non desi workplace amongst much younger crowd") must lead so much frustration and disgust.
Has it ever occurred to you that those answers HAVE been given again and again? And that some people keep pushing for answers, regardless? Maybe that's why people get so frustrated and disgusted?
What you call hypersensitivity (LOL!) I call it lack of common sense to use a very personal matter as fodder for "small talk" and lack of intelligence to keep pushing the matter when the person replies with said above polite and generic comments. and yes, it's not limited exclusively to old desi women, I've seen younger, desi/non-desi people do it as well.. The first question can be forgiven by any reasonable person, but it's the subsequent follow ups that lead to negative feelings.
I'm not sure what qualifies as "crossing the line" for you because I see most of us have posted about incidents that...well...have crossed the line.
You may not be bothered by such questions, doesn't mean the rest of us who are are are lacking in humor or are being hypersensitive.
Re: Are you trying?
Jolie that's great that you don't mind and are happy to humor a discussion. I for one am having serious health issues and having a child is no where on my radar and it bothers me a great deal that I am barely functional and people who do not have a need to know about my health and life ask me.
I can only imagine how awful it is for those who have had miscarriages, infertility, or going though infertility treatments. I feel that in this day and age when women in their 20's are going through IVF, people be more sensitive and need not ask. Such personal decisions are shared with close family and friends, if a woman has not shared it with you, obviously you have no need to know.
None of your previous posts indicated that you have serious health issues, since you were enjoying humour in other people's responses, I thought maybe you won't mind to humour a real life discussion yourself.
...And that's precisely my point, people are not mind readers. Fair enough, you don't want to share your private matters with someone but at the same time doesn't mean anyone who asks you this questions must be demonised. I'm sure even you'd agree that often these questions have no intention to hurt anyone's feelings, they're often foolishly asked out of habit or out of perceived good will or whatever. You can only hope for sensitive reception when there's actually general awareness regarding fertility treatment and the emotional burden that comes with it, be it 'desi' culture or the Western culture in general, there's so much ignorance about fertility treatment that sometimes you can give enough silent answers to make people understand. But if a woman feels so strongly about this, the onus is on her to correct the wrong that directly effects her, instead of just venting frustration in private diary entries. You'd be surprised how many women going through difficult fertility treatment get sick of keeping everything bottled up, they actually end up hating the wall they had built around themselves.
Its a like vicious cycle, women don't want to talk about it yet hold this full entitlement for sensitive treatment but the society won't offer any support because they have no idea what exactly is going on with her. I mean men won't be writing or talking about such issues and fighting women's case. Its *women *(regardless race, religion or language) that literally have to represent the change they want to see in the system. It may sound like a passage straight out of a textbook but it is true, pseudo-feminism is self destructive and hasn't achieve or won't achieve anything to improve women's lives.
Re: Are you trying?
Has it ever occurred to you that those answers HAVE been given again and again? And that some people keep pushing for answers, regardless? Maybe that's why people get so frustrated and disgusted?
What you call hypersensitivity (LOL!) I call it lack of common sense to use a very personal matter as fodder for "small talk" and lack of intelligence to keep pushing the matter when the person replies with said above polite and generic comments. and yes, it's not limited exclusively to old desi women, I've seen younger, desi/non-desi people do it as well.. The first question can be forgiven by any reasonable person, but it's the subsequent follow ups that lead to negative feelings.
I'm not sure what qualifies as "crossing the line" for you because I see most of us have posted about incidents that...well...have crossed the line.
You may not be bothered by such questions, doesn't mean the rest of us who are are are lacking in humor or are being hypersensitive.
Thanks for elaborating. So its not all about toxic intolerance to such questions. Good to know.
Re: Are you trying?
I actually agree with Julie. I think most of the time the comments people make are not malicious - it's normal to them and they're often just trying to make conversation. As horrible and frustrating as their comments can be, it's important to know the underlying intention and that they're not there to deliberately hurt feelings.
The best way to tackle anything like this is to teach those that we can about respect and etiquette. For example if it was something that bothered me I would make sure my brothers and sisters, my children, the local youth that I work with etc had discussions about it and we would be able to discuss how comments about people's personal lives can be quite intrusive, whether that be if they're trying for a child, battling an illness, have crazy family issues going on etc. I think it would make quite a good discussion actually because you can talk about where boundary lines should be made, cultural influences, the need for social support for people going through difficult times etc.
I don't think that getting continuously frustrated and angry about it is helpful. Which is why it's great that we can use the funny phrases already mentioned as a way to make the questioner be quiet. I don't think being malicious in return is a good idea though either.
Wow...I feel like I'm being lectured here because someone made up their mind as to who I am by my posts because I developed a humor cell or two.
Jolie,
In this day and age you don't need to know about anyone's personal life as infertility is becoming much more common. If you read my posts careful enough, you would realize that I was talking about acquaintances who are in their 20's and 30's and raised in the West and should know better. Not random strangers on this forum who are unable to read my mind and feel that it is their duty to give me a piece of their mind and make me see another perspective.
The end doesn't justify the means.
Re: Are you trying?
So are any of you expecting?
runsway
Re: Are you trying?
How can 20 year olds can simply accept that infertility is a "common" thing when people who go through don't even want to talk about? You basically want them to automatically 'assme' the right thing, well then, if its boils down to assuming then they are free to 'assume' a lot of other things which I'm sure you won't be happy about. Do you see the rationality of your argument? Okay forget about everything, in this day and age, you also have the choice to not attend any summer parties and totally ignore people who are not mind readers. Why accept change when you can't even bothered to assist it? I've seen plenty of smiliar threads on this site with similiar responses....but I'm yet to see an occasion where people instead putting more fuel in the fire in the fire and simple sensetionalising the issue, talk about ways that could genuinely make life easier for a lot of women going through what you are going through. Refer to Princess121 post in the previous page.
I'm aware my posts have ruined the tempo of your thread which I assume you were quite enjoying, but if you want I can give you whole lot of cheeky, insolent and naughty one liners to shut up the acquaintences you are talking about.
Re: Are you trying?
I genuinely took some time in thinking it over and giving a thoughtful reply… I’m sorry if you took that as being a lecture.
Surely being part of a forum is to discuss different perspectives..?
I have to say I strongly believe in trying to find productive ways to deal with any situation. Far too many women grow old with an accumulation of bitterness in their hearts because they’ve been mad at all the stuff people have done to them. And part of that process is the sensationalising that Jolie refers to. Of course that’s a generalisation and I’m not trying to lecture you in specific, but it’s just to say there are different approaches to everything.
It seems that your want to enlighten us that we have a chip on our shoulders, and we may but your using the perspective of someone with the chip on his shoulder that women who don’t share their infertility issues with ever Tom, Dick, and Harry are contributing to insolent behavior. Nor does a woman need to be having health issues for peoples intrusive behavior to be inappropriate. The point that some people put their foot in their mouths without realizing (asking as small talk) has already been made in a respectful manner.
Frankly, I don’t give a damn about your perspective nor do I care about your one liners. some people
Let me reiterate, the end does not justify the means. And for me, its the journey not the destination so you can take your chip and start your own thread.
Re: Are you trying?
Here's the rule of thumb, unless someone volunteers personal information about their age, weight, financial circumstances, desire to procreate, family life - don't probe or ask them about it. That's common courtesy.
The weather in its many incarnations provides enough fodder to keep a conversation going without needing to pry into someone else's personal matters. And that is the art of having a conversation - converse in generalities unless the other person has given you leave to ask more personal questions.