Re: Are you trying?
Even adorable (in fact especially adorable) 5 yr olds annoy the hell out of me with these questions. I guess I am very prickly about it as its one of the major topics whenever I meet extended family.
Good One! I would’ve loved to see the look on that persons face!!!
Re: Are you trying?
Unfortunately Porto you are a doctor so wouldn’t be able to use this excuse, good one for rest of us 
Re: Are you trying?
I thought she already had kids?
pretty sure those who have kids have a different set of questions..
OMG. Just tell the woman that you would like to save her embarrassment in the future but these type of questions are considered rude (ghattia?). You know that she doesn’t know, that is why you are informing but people may come to wrong conclusions about her and she may become the center of gossip. Or just ask to adopt their cute little baby or grand baby. That will shut them up fast 
Well if the women talk about you not having children because you don’t like them, blah, blah, blah, kids will think that too.
Respond to the kid " Whenever your Mother will let me have your little brother. Not only will I have a baby like your cute brother, I will have your cute brother! Won’t that be fun?! Go talk to her to give him to me"
They will think you are eyeing their kids and won’t bring up the topic.
Re: Are you trying?
OMG. Just tell the woman that you would like to save her embarrassment in the future but these type of questions are considered rude (ghattia?). You know that she doesn't know, that is why you are informing but people may come to wrong conclusions about her and she may become the center of gossip. Or just ask to adopt their cute little baby or grand baby. That will shut them up fast :)
Well if the women talk about you not having children because you don't like them, blah, blah, blah, kids will think that too.
Respond to the kid " Whenever your Mother will let me have your little brother. Not only will I have a baby like your cute brother, I will have your cute brother! Won't that be fun?! Go talk to her to give him to me"
They will think you are eyeing their kids and won't bring up the topic.
:/ this was one of the worst bit of my trip to Pakistan this time. I was playing with my husbands niece and an UNCLE not even an Aunty told the kid that dnt you know that your Aunty doesn't like kids. I was horrified and really caught off guard.
Yeah, I can understand how you must have felt. Next time, you can sweetly turn to the child and say, No, beta your Dada/Nana is mistaken. Ofcourse, I love Children and adore you! Uncle jee, I don’t know how yey ghalat fehmi happened but, I love kids and would appreciate it if you don’t scare the kids by talking like that.
If he continues about you not having children, tell him that it is not proper for him to discuss your private affairs with you. Sometimes, in-laws violate a woman’s boundaries and claim that if she says anything or does anything to protect herself that she is being disrespectful.
There is a difference between disrespect and enforcing boundaries and exercising God Given rights.
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The lady was mortified. I’d say it must be the same face a woman would have if she caught a son rummaging through their underwear drawer 
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oh lord oh lord oh lord. I have so many stories it's not even funny. (Ok actually...it is).
Tell, tell. We all could use a good laugh.
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believe me we dont read about THAT in medicine 
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Been married for 6 years. Was in college for hte 1st two of those years. Once I was done with school, the pressure from both moms started.
Eventually the pressure stopped, at least from my parents end. Now the in laws…are funny. TBH I’ve heard worse…but I guess everyone has at least 1-2 appalling stories.
So my MIL would always ask about my periods. what date they’re falling on. Did I get it yet.. ugh. It got ot the point where I tried to avoid being alone with her at all costs. Of course she would NEVER bring it up in front of my husband (her own son!)
On my last trip–MIL stopped asking. So I thought I was in the clear…until the adoption conversations started..lol. MIL, jethani and some other aunty were all discussing why I haven’t been to the fertility clinic yet, uss mein koi burai nai hai etc. they brought up a beggar and said we should adopt her baby. Btw, this entire conversation happened with me right there, yet not a single glance towards me or question or comment to me…aunty was just talking to the other two..if you’ve never been talked about while sitting right there…it’s…an interesting experience.
When hubby and I were visiting another couple, the men had gone to do manly stuff, and the wife asked “why don’t you have a kid yet?” I just shrugged and turned away…hoping she’d get the hint. but noooo she kept pushing and pushing. “Koi complications hoon gi?”. And this was someone who was several years younger than me!
On another note, one of my jethanis had pulled me to the side to inquire about fertility treatments or not. (her own family members had been through it, struggling to conceive with multiple miscarriages)…and she’s not the kind to ask this kind of stuff, and she kept saying “please mind na karna, bura na lagay.” Of course I didn’t mind it…the difference between that situation and the above is…she wasn’t saying it just to make conversation or gossip or take chaskay…
I mean, ideally I’d like to NOT be reminded why I don’t have kids, but…it’s just such a personal thing. it’s no one’s business. Even still, if it’s a good friend or well wisher asking about it, OK. But it’s when it’s a “Hey I just met you, and this is crazy but why dont you have no baby?” As something to talk about when YOU"RE BORED? HELL NAW! You want entertainment?? Turn on the damn TV..my uterus isnt’ a clown. 
For a funny eye popping are you crazy WTF response to the harasser ( gotta ** say** it with a straight face, very innocently & sweetly): “Well actually, my eggs arent viable. I’m looking for a donor. Would you do my saas and her family the honor by being the donor and carrying my child? Don’t worry, we won’t ask for child support”
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^ This! I know two women that have been trying for a few years and going through IVF. One of them even had a miscarriage during the early stages of a pregnancy and did not tell anyone except HER immediate family about that pregnancy/miscarriage. Neither wants to be reminded of why they don’t have biological children…especially when they’re attending weddings, dawats, or even working at their job. The one that had the miscarriage…being asked within weeks/months after that miscarriage and being reminded of that loss was VERY difficult for her.
I don’t understand why people do not realize what a personal topic this is. It’s basically asking a woman if she and her husband are using any form of birth control when having s*x. 
Re: Are you trying?
I know exactly how you feel, and I totally agree with everything you said. LOL, love the “Hey I just met you…”
I hate this aspect of our desi culture. People feel they are entitled to your personal details and information about your private live. I’ve had many people (mostly community members, not relatives) at gatherings, or religious events, ask me about this. Most are just the usual type of “when are you going to have a baby?” Which I can smile and ignore, or say “pray for me” and forget about. But there have been a few really intrusive ones.
This one lady, a couple years older than myself, but got married a few years after I did. She and I say salaam to each other at community events, but we’re not friends, we don’t even have each others’ phone numbers. She came up to me and very confidently said, “Hey, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but are you pregnant?” I politely replied, “No, why do you ask?” And she goes, “Well some of us were talking, and we were looking at the way you’re walking, how you’re standing, and I said she’s definitely pregnant… Don’t get offended, I’m the kind of person who’ll just ask straight up, I don’t like contemplating things when I can just go and find out.”
I didn’t say anything to her then, assured her I wasn’t pregnant. Afterwards, I felt angry… Who does this woman think she is? Lets assume I actually was pregnant, and I haven’t announced it to the community for whatever reason, maybe the first trimester isn’t over and I want to make sure everything is okay before I start going around to inform everyone… What right does this person have to know news that I have not given out yet? She’s not my best friend, not my relative, not even anyone remotely close!
On the other hand, I’m okay with my mother, MIL, or aunts (directly related, not the “aunties” of the community) advising me to have kids and not wait forever. They don’t ask me when I’m going to have a baby, they say I should have one now that I’ve been married for several years and that I shouldn’t wait till I’m too old. I can tolerate this.
However, some other relatives can be quite annoying too. A couple of older cousins, just because they have one or two kids now and have been married for a few years more than I have, talk and act like they’re experts on everything in life. One even sat me down and gave me a lecture for over an hour, which included everything from how I’m going to feel when I hold my baby, how it will help with relations with my husband, to a horror story of one of her own friends who waited too long and couldn’t have a baby (and tragically died in childbirth along with her baby when she was finally able to conceive at the age of 40).
I tolerated her stupid lecture with a smile on my face, thinking to myself that she has good intentions. But The icing on the cake? After the stupid lecture was over, this cousin (who happens to be only 3 years older than me) realized she might’ve got a little to far. So she said to me, "I hope I haven’t offended you… Don’t pay attention to me, I was just rambling… I don’t give a **** about what you do with your life, I don’t care, do what you want to… I was just talking, " etc. To which I was thinking, “but you think its okay to waste my time with your stupid ramblings when you don’t even care about me?”
Why do people think they’re entitled to dump their opinions on others? It baffles me because I have lots of opinions (many negative ones about the stupid things I see others doing) and I keep them to myself because I KNOW they’d be offended if I give them advice. Its so annoying when people dump their crappy opinions on others, then qualify it with something dumb like “Please don’t be offended.”
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*My post below, is not meant to offend anyone.
*
First you have the 'have you been trying?'' questions..
After 1-2-3 children, some folks have the gall to say ' Can't you be sensitive to your SIL/ or so and so; they are having problems conceiving, and you guys keep popping out babies" or 'Acha, now you have had another child, give it to your jeth/jethani ". or " 'Poor you, another girl, give it to so and so, what will you do with so many girls?"
I sobbed when my 2nd daughter was born due to the nasty comments I heard from people who actually think they are well meaning.
Comments I have mentioned come from some very highly educated, and professional people.
Can't win either way.
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Oh the tragic stories, I have heard many mainly involving the husband leaving the wife. 
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Oh no she didnnnnn’t!!
I can’t believe how some people are so insensitive!!
I would’ve waited for an opportune moment and said ‘are you pregnant? It’s only that I was just wondering because I was just sitting there and noticed how you were eating quite a lot today…don’t get me wrong, I know some people have a big appetite, but for someone who’s pregnant I can totally understand that the appetite is bigger than usual.’
Then wait for her gobsmacked look.
Re: Are you trying?
Or they are asking if you are having sex. It boils down to your sex life and there is no reason for anyone to know about someone’s sex life, not a mother, mother-in-law or anyone else, and certainly not distant in-laws or acquaintances.
Good God, I can’t believe the lack of manners in some people. Considering they themselves are women and should know all the reason why not to ask. Reading about some of these incidents is actually helpful to me because it’s actually preparing me for all kind of scenarios. I think if someone shocks and offends me, I’m just going to let them know it. My statement doesn’t have to be blaming but that person needs to know how wrong they are and that they shouldn’t do it again. After all, if they did it to me, they most certainly are going to repeat that behavior. If someone says that she’s the kind of person who will just ask straight up, I’m going to say “I don’t know if it was acceptable ever in history to ask an acquaintance is she is having sex or if she is pregnant but it certainly not these days. Have you noticed how many women are having infertility issues and right in their 20’s too! Wouldn’t it be horrible if you asked someone and she had just miscarried or going through painful IVF treatments, or can’t have children, you’re just going to hurt her tremendously so it’s just a dangerous topic. Don’t you agree?”.
Your cousin was trying to save face by becoming all gruff and pissy after she put her foot in her mouth. Hopefully she’s learned her lesson and won’t subject you to any more of her lectures or asinine comments.
You’re right, rude and insensitive people will remain rude & insensitive regardless of the situation. I am horrified to read some of the comments you have been subjected to.
** Disney Princess**
Good one! If someone is going to dish it, they should learn to take it to. :k:
Re: Are you trying?
Comments I have mentioned come from some very highly educated, and professional people.
When I was a kid, some of the Pakistani kids were making fun of me & my siblings and hurt our feelings and my Mom reminded me that ** Class doesn't come from money or education **(the kids' parents were highly educated, affluent Pakistanis). You can find some of the most ignorant and highly educated people (MDs, JDs, PhDs, etc).