Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

[Theorist]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@badabing

I agree, the smartest guy I know, a childhood friend, didn’t even leave school with basic GCSE’s (was in to the whole fight culture, the dude always had my back, still does). He was worth 8 figures before the age of 21 - he has a photographic memory, he never understood why you need to pay to get an education, just read a book is what he says!

Some people just love the classroom experience like my sister. I graduated with a B.S degree at 22. I couldn’t wait to be done. I hated school. I still do. Never went back. I studied for all my certifications on my own. Now getting ready for CCIE. Education should never end but schooling should. LOL

[_MuNiYa]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@badabing

Lol, have no idea what “3 idiots” is, so can’t comment. As far as my friend in question, he’s a financial wizz, especially options, trades a few hours a day from his bedroom. He’s the one that got me in to it way back when I was 15, much to the disapproval of my dad, who wanted me to become a daktar!

Cool! Does he do Futures? What kind of Options? Does he go margin? Ever tried EMO?

@Theorist

Some people just love the classroom experience like my sister. I graduated with a B.S degree at 22. I couldn’t wait to be done. I hated school. I still do. Never went back. I studied for all my certifications on my own. Now getting ready for CCIE. Education should never end but schooling should. LOL

This is very true; I think I just love the feeling of learning something new. And I need to have deadlines to be one task. Even in my professional life - I work best with a visible deadline.

And I feel like it keeps me sharp and young.

[_MuNiYa]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@badabing - dude we really gotta talk!!! I work in such things professionally.
I’d love to see how he worked things!!

[aqua70]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@Theorist

Some people just love the classroom experience like my sister. I graduated with a B.S degree at 22. I couldn’t wait to be done. I hated school. I still do. Never went back. I studied for all my certifications on my own. Now getting ready for CCIE. Education should never end but schooling should. LOL

Finally, someone else who agrees with me. I have been saying this ever since I started college. I would rather have the professors hand out all the notes, syllabus with exam dates so I can study on my own and just go in to give exams. Also, wish I could take certain classes whenever I wanted to or whenever I was ready for them. Not such a rigid and structured schedule that I have to follow.

[Theorist]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@_MuNiYa

Cool! Does he do Futures? What kind of Options? Does he go margin? Ever tried EMO?

This is very true; I think I just love the feeling of learning something new. And I need to have deadlines to be one task. Even in my professional life - I work best with a visible deadline.

And I feel like it keeps me sharp and young.

You sound like my sister.

[Theorist]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@aqua70

Finally, someone else who agrees with me. I have been saying this ever since I started college. I would rather have the professors hand out all the notes, syllabus with exam dates so I can study on my own and just go in to give exams. Also, wish I could take certain classes whenever I wanted to or whenever I was ready for them. Not such a rigid and structured schedule that I have to follow.

Just get it done. I still get nightmares that I am two days away from graduation and I haven’t turned in my assignments. That’s how traumatic school was for me. I nearly got kicked out of high school because I missed so many days. My As turned into “incomplete” so many times. LOL!

[badabing]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@_MuNiYa

@badabing - dude we really gotta talk!!! I work in such things professionally.
I’d love to see how he worked things!!

Haha, I’m sure we will my friend! As far as my friend goes, he’s been doing it for ten years plus, everything from real estate/mortgages, oil/commodities/metal etc. futures. I spent my second and third years of my working life trading options before I moved in to FX for an 18 month period and then wound up at my current institution, which offers a lot more flexibility. I still manage funds for a select group of clients that have come with me, but I am primarily focused on corporate finance (the fee/remuneration package on offer was just too delicious to pass up!).

[_MuNiYa]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@badabing what platform did you guys use?
Isn’t FX trading big movements tho? You’re talkng currencies or FX Options?

“manage funds” like hedge/PE? We have another HF person on the board. Sehrysh ..kidhar hoo?

[badabing]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@aqua70

Finally, someone else who agrees with me. I have been saying this ever since I started college. I would rather have the professors hand out all the notes, syllabus with exam dates so I can study on my own and just go in to give exams. Also, wish I could take certain classes whenever I wanted to or whenever I was ready for them. Not such a rigid and structured schedule that I have to follow.

I was exactly like you, at the beginning of my second semester in my first year, one of my tutors asked me to come in because of my lack of attendance. So I go to her office, she pulls up my marks for the modular exam in question for her class, looked at my mark and said “there’s not a lot I can say to you! Just attend Uni, it’s an enriching experience!” I was like “kool, will do, TTFM!”.

[aqua70]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@Theorist

Just get it done. I still get nightmares that I am two days away from graduation and I haven’t turned in my assignments. That’s how traumatic school was for me. I nearly got kicked out of high school because I missed so many days. My As turned into “incomplete” so many times. LOL!

If I stick with my career, I have about 6 more years of school left. FML lol

[Theorist]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@aqua70

If I stick with my career, I have about 6 more years of school left. FML lol

HAHA Guess who doesn’t…

[aqua70]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@Theorist

HAHA Guess who doesn’t…

I can’t say it here but you can imagine my response.

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@badabing

Actually it was two of my phupos and trust me, they had nakhra. THe guys that they wanted had even more nakhra then them (elitist/rich guys).

As far as making excuses, this is the reality in the UK (although this reality doesn’t apply to me! lol). Alot of my old school friends (guys I literally grew up with) who get looked down upon simply because they never read a book or two and passed a couple of exams, lol.

Surely here in the UK, when girls were being outperformed by boys, girls should have rolled up their sleeves and women shouldn’t have expected government to make sweeping reforms to the education system to help them.

Look, guys need to work harder, absolutely, I agree with you. However governments should help guys, particularly here in the UK. If they are underperforming, why are they underperforming and what can be done to help them?

My phupos saw hundreds of rishtas - to short, to fat, looked at me the wrong way, to many sisters, MIL is to chalak, guy’s to introverted etc etc. Whilst I feel one has the right to not marry down so to speak, a little bit of compromise is required. Guys my phupos turned down in their twenties are the same guys they were begging for once they hit their mid thirties. They never snapped out of it until my dad got angry with them and told them to snap out of it and reminded them they have no father and asked them what they would do when god forbid anything happened to him. I know the girls will say, well they had careers etc, they would have been fine, but sometimes you need your own family and kids. My sister on the other hand, is totally different, literally the seond rishta that was available for her, she accepted (although the guy is pretty well educated and makes a very good salary, plus none of the sasu amma drama).

I’ve recently had cousins who have married guys not established or with numerous sisters to be married off without a father etc. Sometimes you need to look where you could potentially be 10 years from now. One of my khalas married a guy who’s visa literally running out, they did no walima, didn’t have money for a home etc. We helped them out for a year, by which time the guy established himself and now he brings home £80K basic a month before bonus (15 odd years later). Sometimes you got to take a chance!

As far as intimidating you, nothing could be further from the truth. I am merely give my two cents and experiences from within my own family. I have a phupo’s daughter who has literally rejected hundreds of rishtas and now she is early thirties they are in panick mode, guys she rejected are happily married with kids to educated, pretty “suljihuwi” bahu types. The guys they see now have the nakhra, they want girls in their twenties. I agree that a person should know their self worth (this is badabing you’re talking to!) but humbling yourself sometimes is a requirement and indeed a necceisty.

Actually thanks for sharing this!
I just wish there wasnt such an imbalance…like you will hardy see a guy complaining that girls around arent good enough. Plus guys dont have the age problem. sigh

[taffer87]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

You are right about age…

But finding a good girl isn’t easy for guys either these days. In an arranged marriage scenario, its really the social/networking ability of your parents that makes a big difference for guys. Also, gals have a lot of demands these days.

Why we don’t complain is maybe because guys are just like that… get on with life / things + they know age isn’t as big an issue for them.. its not because good girls are in abundance.

@geminifromkhi

Actually thanks for sharing this!
I just wish there wasnt such an imbalance…like you will hardy see a guy complaining that girls around arent good enough. Plus guys dont have the age problem. sigh

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@taffer87

You are right about age…

But finding a good girl isn’t easy for guys either these days. In an arranged marriage scenario, its really the social/networking ability of your parents that makes a big difference for guys. Also, gals have a lot of demands these days.

Why we don’t complain is maybe because guys are just like that… get on with life / things + they know age isn’t as big an issue for them.. its not because good girls are in abundance.

I wont really agree with you. Most girls don’t neglect themselves like guys do. At least in my eyes most pakistani girls are ok looking and presentable. Guys…hardly 1/10 will attract you and its not cos of facial features or anything but cos they neglect themselves. Looks matter!

And what else do guys want in a girl? Need them to be a graduate at least? Well I guess most girls are.

Guys need to keep up!

[taffer87]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

Whilst I agree that a lot of Pakistani guys neglect themselves re looks, I am forced to bring another thought though.
The demands on the average Pakistani guy are great re being the sole bread winner, supporting elders, sisters weddings, dowry, even extended family. Pakistan is one of the worst places on the planet in terms of dependency on the sole bread winner in a family.

All the avg Pakistani girl has to do pre marriage is look pretty. And hence the attention on this by them. Pakistani girls are very sheltered and protected. Post marriage this changes and the compromises and demands placed on girls in terms of losing their identity and self are really shocking. Again I know ppl will shoot this but plz dont give exceptional examples. I am talking in aggregate and averages.

And if only life was this simple that all you needed was presentable looks and a degree from anywhere (for guys and girls). The arranged rishta scene is much more complex. Its different if you are trying to find on your own but you probably add your requirements on top of everyone else’s criteria.

Guys need to keep up - sure and there are loads of guys who are ahead so girls nees to keep with them lol. Its a good populist slogan on this forum though.

@geminifromkhi

I wont really agree with you. Most girls don’t neglect themselves like guys do. At least in my eyes most pakistani girls are ok looking and presentable. Guys…hardly 1/10 will attract you and its not cos of facial features or anything but cos they neglect themselves. Looks matter!

And what else do guys want in a girl? Need them to be a graduate at least? Well I guess most girls are.

Guys need to keep up!

[geminifromkhi]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@taffer87

Whilst I agree that a lot of Pakistani guys neglect themselves re looks, I am forced to bring another thought though.
The demands on the average Pakistani guy are great re being the sole bread winner, supporting elders, sisters weddings, dowry, even extended family. Pakistan is one of the worst places on the planet in terms of dependency on the sole bread winner in a family.

All the avg Pakistani girl has to do pre marriage is look pretty. And hence the attention on this by them. Pakistani girls are very sheltered and protected. Post marriage this changes and the compromises and demands placed on girls in terms of losing their identity and self are really shocking. Again I know ppl will shoot this but plz dont give exceptional examples. I am talking in aggregate and averages.

And if only life was this simple that all you needed was presentable looks and a degree from anywhere (for guys and girls). The arranged rishta scene is much more complex. Its different if you are trying to find on your own but you probably add your requirements on top of everyone else’s criteria.

Guys need to keep up - sure and there are loads of guys who are ahead so girls nees to keep with them lol. Its a good populist slogan on this forum though.

Just like our average bechara Pakistani guy is the sole breadwinner of the house, an average Pakistan girl helps with cooking, cleaning etc so I don’t think her sole job is looking pretty.

And which era are you talking about? Most girls in Pakistan now work after graduation. Moreover, I am sure the bechara sole breadwinner boy can spare 15-20 minutes for some me-time if he wants to!

[taffer87]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

I made a distinction between pre and post marriage for the girl. Agree with the me time bit. And I am talking about right now.

@geminifromkhi

Just like our average bechara Pakistani guy is the sole breadwinner of the house, an average Pakistan girl helps with cooking, cleaning etc so I don’t think her sole job is looking pretty.

And which era are you talking about? Most girls in Pakistan now work after graduation. Moreover, I am sure the bechara sole breadwinner boy can spare 15-20 minutes for some me-time if he wants to!

[Sara516]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

I’m already married, when I did get married the answer would have been NO because, well, I believed the husband should be the breadwinner and I wanted to be the housewife, and I only had a BA with no real solid career plans, so I really couldn’t marry “down” any further than that.

Almost a decade later, things have changed so drastically…education doesn’t have to be limited to school or degrees alone…I can say for sure I’ve learned more in the last years after graduating college working and dealing with family, spouse, in laws, friends, coworkers, everyone etc…than I did while IN school. If someone has the drive to succeed in anything (and that definition of success differs from person to person), they will do so no matter what comes their way. THAT’s something everyone should look for in a spouse, man or woman…not someone who’s happy being stagnant or have an attitude that doesnt’ help them change for the better.

tl;dr - attitude.

[pak2015]

Re: Are you career oriented/professional girls willing to marry down?

@taffer87

Whilst I agree that a lot of Pakistani guys neglect themselves re looks, I am forced to bring another thought though.
The demands on the average Pakistani guy are great re being the sole bread winner, supporting elders, sisters weddings, dowry, even extended family. Pakistan is one of the worst places on the planet in terms of dependency on the sole bread winner in a family.

All the avg Pakistani girl has to do pre marriage is look pretty. And hence the attention on this by them. Pakistani girls are very sheltered and protected. Post marriage this changes and the compromises and demands placed on girls in terms of losing their identity and self are really shocking. Again I know ppl will shoot this but plz dont give exceptional examples. I am talking in aggregate and averages.

And if only life was this simple that all you needed was presentable looks and a degree from anywhere (for guys and girls). The arranged rishta scene is much more complex. Its different if you are trying to find on your own but you probably add your requirements on top of everyone else’s criteria.

Guys need to keep up - sure and there are loads of guys who are ahead so girls nees to keep with them lol. Its a good populist slogan on this forum though.

Soo spot on. The obsession with such superficial things like looks, make up and latest fashion by Pakistani girls is ridiculous.

A lot of girls are into this but Pakistani girls just take it to another level it seems to the point it becomes OTT, often times takes precedence over more meaningful qualities like becoming educating, avoiding vices and being a good person and Muslim, etc. Having fun all the time is another characterisic that gets emphasized as well–nothing wrong with having fun but to make it a priority is immature, shallow and hedonistic. This is especially an issue for the well off liberal girls whose parents have given them a lot of freedom without having to worry about another person’s likes/dislikes/Interest, they did whatever they wanted to do without worry. The middle class girls who have been raised in a more balanced lifestyle by parents or who have overcome some struggles in life are better about developing meaningful qualities and appreciating what’s truly important in life.

This is why this generations and upcoming generations get that huge initial shock once they enter married life. They are no longer single and cant act like they were when they were single–some girls have a very difficult time understanding this concept because theyve been taught that adjusting or sacrificing for a man even if husband is a bad thing and if they do sacrifice and adjust to keep count. Marriage requires a lot of effort, sacrifice, commitment and compromise. Most of the girls eventually adapt although after countless fights, while others just give up and get divorced.