I don't think that living together out of wedlock is healthy at all-- and a major reason for this is is because I am Muslim.
But, honeslty- though the western culture deems its okay, it hasn't really done well here. I mean just look at the amount of single mothers, and the lack of family support!It's astounding and very sad.
In the US, many many African American babies are born out of wedlock then they are born in wedlock. Because of this they seem to be not doing well econimically. There are way too many young African American men in prisons, then I care to write to about. Could this be do to do the lack of a father figure? Very, very possible. They also have the higest rate of teenage pregnancie, and they do the poorest in schools. It is very sad and very likely that it due to the lack of family stucture.
Also, it is important to notice that so many of our world religions have forbidden this practice- not just Islam. Christianity and Judaism also.
I know it seems very glamourous on TV seeing Angelina Jolie- BRad Pitt relationships and Desperate Housewives, and Grey Anatomy- but we really need to take a huge step and look at NORMAL AVERAGE people who go through this in society and the outcome of these results, before we further encourage our young to this path. Much of this results in baby being raised without any father figure- and really without a mother figure either- because she's busy trying to make money to support the kids.
^ I understand where many people are coming from on this topic, and as muslims obviously we have a different viewpoint than most other westerns about pre-marital relationships. However, the staggering number of divorces (and unhappy marriages) I am seeing lately in muslim communities and amongst acquaintances (both here in Pakistan, as well as all over the world); I don't think south Asian muslims should be very smug about how strong institution of marriage is in our community.
I don't think there is any strong evidence one way or the other that having pre-marital live-in will necessarily minimize or enhance the risk of a failed marriage. People (talking about westerners here) do it because its fun, its less complicated than marrying-and-divorcing, and it gives an easy way of companionship. I have heard more than one gora make the comment that the only reason to marry is to have kids. Of course, these may be the exception rather than the rule, as these may actually believe that they don't want to bring an illegetimate child into this world (not that its much of a stigma anymore). Not sure if many in this culture still adhere to these "old-fashioned" views. :-)
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However, the staggering number of divorces (and unhappy marriages) I am seeing lately in muslim communities and amongst acquaintances (both here in Pakistan, as well as all over the world)
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You know I often wonder if this is more of a result of Pakistanis getting more liberal, and more "western"? Obviously as a whole Muslim communities are getting increasingly westernized.
If there is an increase in divorce in the desi community, i think it has more to do with the fact that women are less dependent on men these days and so are less inclined to remain in an unhappy marriage.
I really hope that when people get into such situations, i.e live in relationships and all, they atleast should think about the outcomes in the future and also how much shame this can bring to their family. Especially girls because sadly in our culture, guys tend to get away with alot of things but as a female, you're always held accountable for everything.
I think this is a very important that this was brought up. I would also like to add that especially if you have younger sisters you may want to stop and think how your behavior is affecting her future.
As wrong as it may be, when it comes to rishta time, people judge people on the family they have- if a girl's older sister is a divorcee, or has a bad reputation its puts her in a difficult, and unfair postion.
I believe that 'living together' is a form of suppression of women in the 'western' societies. A woman has to accept that option... at times go on with it for years.... wishing for the magic moment when he 'proposes'.
^^ that's a good point too. There was this one lady that lived with her boyfriend and she was would always mention getting married to him, but he kept saying he would when he was financially stable or he would make up some kind of excuse.
After 10 YEARS he dumped her for some other girl. She was devastated.
^Guys do that to girls all the time, Girls in relation need to consult their girl-friend on this issue often.
Guy may be making her fool and using her.
I know of one guy who dated his girlfriend for ten years before he finally proposed to her. The reason why he proposed is because after a certain time of living together, you are sort of deemed married...its called common-law marriage.
He gave her an amazing ring but showed it off to everyone he met.
He made her pay for the entire wedding reception herself.
He is a millionaire and she makes roughly $40,000 a year...they still pay half and half of living expenses.
Thats not a marriage to me...its a contract and too much of a hassle.
Many westerners see marriage to a stranger or to a cousin as "nasty" yeah? Like I said, its one of the "great divides" between cultures.
All things cannot be discovered until you know and live with a person. And many westerners beleive in this so strongly that they actually do co-habitate prior to marriage to see whether things will work out. Culturally, easterners disagree with this and thats ok...but to say why get married if you're getting "it" for free - thats an eastern outlook, not a western one.
Mamaof3, I sincerely believe that marriage is a unique institution. Personally I believe that even cohabitation will only partially allow the two partners to understand each other. Marriage changes the mindset in a way cohabitation cannot change, I believe.
Again as you already insinuated, nasty is a highly relative term. Even many desis who grow up in West believe cousin marriages and arranged marriages to be nasty. It all depends on what society you grow up in and how that society looks at that certain aspect of living. Sometimes, we are so bound up by the environment we are brought up in that we fail to realize that so many things
are neither right nor wrong; they are just the way we are used to.
No thats not true, you are still new so it will take some time to know every thing around here.
Telling ppl its "gunnah" not stop them from doing it, tell them what harm it causes stop ppl from doing it.
If no one tell us he/she want to commit a sin how could you stop them??
At least I cannot read any ones mind.
Good post PM.
I know.
When ppl do gunah they justify their gunah with many reasons.
What I read here that was shocking to me.
When I read in a post why good looking men are so .......... head.
What poster said I just colored what I thought was wrong since that COLORFUL EYES is after me chasing and chasing and chasing. LOL.
I wonder why that wasn't posted by Colorful eyes.
What I wrote PSquard is saying I have a hole in my mind.
Whatever I wrote I found those in different post on GS. So do I have hole in my brain or the posters who wrote those thing. LOL
When I read in a post why good looking men are so .......... head.
What poster said I just colored what I thought was wrong since that COLORFUL EYES is after me chasing and chasing and chasing. LOL.
I wonder why that wasn't posted by Colorful eyes.
What I wrote PSquard is saying I have a hole in my mind.
Whatever I wrote I found those in different post on GS. So do I have hole in my brain or the posters who wrote those thing. LOL
A pretty girl chasing after you, what better some one could wish for??
and D-khead is just a way to express , angry women use it all the time.
I know in east women dont express them self , but quiet women dont necessarily mean better women.
Ps said that because she is bn talking to CE too much lately its nothing but bad influence.
A pretty girl chasing after you, what better some one could wish for??
and D-khead is just a way to express , angry women use it all the time.
I know in east women dont express them self , but quiet women dont necessarily mean better women.
Ps said that because she is bn talking to CE too much lately its nothing but bad influence.
LOL for red line. I don't like beparda ankhain. Jissay sub daikh rahain hain.
Uski ankhain daikho kaisay ghootray hain.
Mujhay to jhooki jhooki shirmshaar si ankhain pasand hain jo sir aam sub ko na daikhti hon.
I don't like girls using that Un Islamic word and way. Sorry. Ppl are so westeranized these days. I'm not and I don't like those girls too.
As I heard a Muslim girl over the phone saying to her boy friend f u.
I thought what do you have f him. lol.
I want to ask to those girls who says f u. Do you have tool to f boys? lol
Thes are the girls who use F U and D head and blah blah blah.
We muslims are not allowed to use trashy words. Doesn't they know that.
Here on GS they let it be in title the F word. Thats a sad thing for a muslim.
I guess then you should manybe take your own advise, you are expressing yourself a bit too much in the forum and I am affraid it might spread bad things. :)