any idea whats going on

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: any idea whats going on

no you dont ...you can speak with your parents about this...discuss it ...try to get them to see your point...im not sure if an email to the guy's sis is a good idea...im uneasy about that one...but

having a heart to heart with your parents is something you can try...

42

Re: any idea whats going on

I've tried and my parents arguments are:

1) We want to marry you into a family that rspects you
2) The guy's weak and won't stand up for you
3) Youre really young and you'll find someone better

...all those are based on HUGE assumptions. If we know for a fact that the mom was crazy then yeah the first one's valid...if not, then becaues of that we're moving on to the next guy. And there are plenty of fish in the sea but how do I know that the guys that come after this are going to be good. What if there's something wrong with the BOYs in that case (whereas with this its just the mom...)

43

Re: any idea whats going on

of course ur parents are going to have arguments..the thing is if you're really interested in this guy you should bring up counter-arguments in front of your parents like you're doing here...and if all else fails just stand up for yourself and say " I wanna give this one another chance before I move on...and at the very least lets do an istakhaara as well mom and dad...thank you"

44

Re: any idea whats going on

^ to add to above - have your brother be your advocate. Two is stronger than one. Dont be combative. Be firm, state your case rationally, have your brother support you. It is also your life. Take charge. Not recommmending being disobedient. But grow a backbone (and I dont mean it with disrespect) and stand for what you believe is the right choice for you. That is why you need an ally.

45

Re: any idea whats going on

^agree with that...

46

Re: any idea whats going on

so updates:

the dad got a hold of my email address (I'm assuming from the boy's brother) and has been emailing me. Which was fine when it was just to clear up the misunderstanding (and even then I was very clear about how they need to talk the adults) but then it became daily emails. He asked me what he could do to open the communication bw parents and I told him that they need to tlak to my parents.

Yesterday I completely lost it because he mentioned something about how me and the guy overanlyze everything to death and there's no discussion of the small nuances of life like music, poetry, romance...ERRR Iono I just thought that was so inappropriate to discuss with a girl that you never talk to when you saw her and who could be your daughter in law? I really don't understand what the heck they're doing. And then he mentioned some plan for a wedding somewhat soon so I could spend time w/ the boy before starting school and moving...and I REALLY lost it.

I wrote a nice, longggg email about how this isnt' a love marriage and I don't feel comfortable not having parents directly involved. I told them that its best to contact my parents since I refuse to make a deicsion without them involved in the process. So far I haven't heard anything back so I hope uncle ji got the message.

I'm trying not to think the worst of people, but I'm seroiusly creeped out...why would he be doing that? This is completely arrnaged and I seriously have talked to the boy like 2x...so there's no reason for them to think that I"m sooooo desperately in love w/ him or anything.

47

Re: any idea whats going on

^ OMG def creepy, cus how do u knw the guy on the other side is even his dad, he cud be just sayin dat, it cud be anyone,just think it cud easily be a cousin or friend of his who knws. OMG if dat was me id end it right there n then. but obv ur not me so all i can say is just to trust ur instinct, if ur instinct is tellin u sumthings not right, then go with it. A womans intuition is never wrong, i think anyway.
Mwah hope everything works out for u.

48

Re: any idea whats going on

wow saying this is creepy would be an understatement. Prospective father in law chatting up the girl through email? Without involving the parents? Talking about romance and weddings when you have only talked to the guy twice?! Apparently the dad has even bigger issues than the mom. Talk about a dysfunctional family. Tell your parents, end this and don't look back.

49

Re: any idea whats going on

Divorce him!!

I am going with that generic reply whenever it comes to a woman on life1. I am betting it will hold true 33.33% of the time!

50

Re: any idea whats going on

^she's not even married yet.

51

Re: any idea whats going on

See that's the 66.64% chance I was talking about.

52

Re: any idea whats going on

^
I lol'ed

53

Re: any idea whats going on

:rotfl:

err creepy to the nth degree

54

Re: any idea whats going on

So true!!

RV - love all your posts!!

55

Re: any idea whats going on

You shouldn't have written him a long email nor replied to his emails in fact. Or just written an one-liner to discuss with your parents.

56

Re: any idea whats going on

You cannot have it both ways. On one hand, the mother-in-law is too moody (since she had all of one meltdown. The adult to adult communication is clearly not working. (Your mother changing her mind 4 times in an hour is not my definition of an adult).

Your father in law possibly realizes that you are still interested. So he is providing guidance. It is not as if he is being inappropriate - he may be taking an unconventional route - advising the youngsters to chill out a bit, and not take things too seriously.

57

Re: any idea whats going on

is the FIL hitting on DIL??? :konfused:

i waited so long for such a situation to come to life1…

58

Re: any idea whats going on

what other motive could there be?:confused:

i don’t think it’s about the potential FIL having another motive I think she just found it inappropriate that he was discussing romance with her…which is understandable…everyone has their own sensibilities

59

Re: any idea whats going on

:smack:I don;t think thats what it is …geez ppl…way to twist a situation into something else

60

Re: any idea whats going on

Fair enough. I misunderstood what OP was stating. And you are right - we all have our sensibilities re: what is appropriate and what is not.

Having said that, from my perspective, the potential FIL is only trying to help. OP’s preference for adult-adult communication resolving the matter is not going to work (since at least two parties here are not adults).

Bottom line, OP does appear to be interested in the boy. It seems trivial and extraneous matters are coming in the way.

If OP’s instincts tell her FIL is a decent guy (albeit with a bit inapporpriate approach from her perspective), she needs to ensure she does not hastily reject this proposal on trivial grounds.

She has 3 choices

  1. have the adults sort it out - not going to happen
  2. reject the proposal and move on
  3. Move forward - the FIL is trying to help here - so adjust her sensibilities for the greater good - her future.

I will say the OP is fortunate to have cariing folks such as yourself who spoke up on her behalf re: sensibilities. I can see I may have been a tad too insensitive. I could have chosen my words more carefullt.