Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
First of all
Tl;dr
Cliff notes, please!
Second of all,
incest disgusts me.
I hope if you do get married to your cousin (gah-ross!), you don't have kids.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
I'm curious, if I posted this post as my life story, what sort of posts would be rolling in? The same ones?
Same "No sweat kid, lots of fish in the sea"?
This could be the story of the maasi who worked at my place or the obese girl low self esteemed girl with no social life. What would be the glory for you in having this as your life story?
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
I think ppl are being super harsh. he posted about his past habits, relationships and wild ways to give an idea of who he is and how he's fallen for someone he never thought he would, right now. He didnt ask to be judged on how he is or who he was. He's just expressing how he feels for this girl right now. So i think people should stick to giving him opinions on how he should deal with his raging hormone for this grl vs. whether its karma or not that the grl might be playing him.
I think you should go with the flow. You're saying you're ready to marry her....marriage is for a lifetime...then you shouldnt have a problem maintaining this relationship for another year or so...and in that time period you guys will be able to figure each other's intentions out better. Just play nice and see where it goes.
@icicle1 - yup , thanks for explaining to all the people that read these forums and have severe downies. I am a bit taken back by some of right wing responses, but not surprised none the less. We all come from different backgrounds, expectations, and upbrinings...it's only natural everyone will have a different opinion of my story... but I hate to break it you people living in bollywood... people live life, and do "****" (not ranting to you icicle). Some people "get" this, that the past is the past, and I'm trying to "learn" from my mistakes... not to perpetually live in sin, and on that note, I have gone as far to even leaving my home country, aka my "comfort zone" to reform.
The girl could very well be playing me. Some excellent points made by people. I don't think this is Karma. Will explain later why. Hormones? Maybe? But don't we all get that from time to time.
Yes, marriage is for a lifetime, and at the same time, if things went "positive", and she agreed, it would have probably been a year or so before any momentum took place. My family did the whole "rush mode" thing, to gauge if the girl was being genuinely interested. In front of them, she is not, but behind their back -- to me -- There is a different story. I'm not stupid as much as I'm an optimist...and when you are in a vulnerable position, all you want to do is hope.
I almost feel like Gatsby...seeing the green light....falling for Daisy...meanwhile Daisy is just living in her own world.
I will just focus on me, and not worry too much about the cousin, for I am in the GCC, and she is in Pakistan... I can't control this situation, so why fret over a situation one has no control over?
One of my good friends in the United States told me this:
"Dude, why the **** are you fretting over some dumb girl, that you have no control over? You need to stop thinking about her and live your life. Think about it, Did Alexander The Great cry over some girl? **** no, he wrote his own destiny. He conquered the world, lived, and died. When people told him, he couldn't do something, he said, 'oh? I can't?' - And did that **** anyways. You need to be like Alexander and write your own destiny, not fret over some situation you have no control over"
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
The issue of whether or not the girl is playing him is an important one (especially in giving advice) and something that he should consider. It's important for him to determine whether the girl is playing him so that he can act accordingly. This cannot be one sided. It won't do him any good if he is ready for marriage and sorts himself out and the girl is not. What is the purpose of him going with the flow or "wait and see where it goes" if the girl has no intention of marrying him? Surely, it's better to know what her intentions are right away than to waste time with someone who may not want to marry him.
2 for 2 - I think you might need to be a therapist at this rate. I feel that to some degree I am being played, but at the same time it is what it is. I could cut this situation off cold turkey, but that's not how I operate. I have this mentality for weathering out all situations of my life, especially relationship related, because in the end it makes me a stronger person and gives me greater control over my emotions. I also get to understand myself better, and learn what triggers these things internally. To cope with this roller coaster is more rewarding that any end result...positive or negative. :)
Character building is neither easy, nor free. It occurs on the road less traveled.
Although, that being said, if the girl has no serious intentions, and is lying to me about this all, then I don't even want to "go with the flow" - because I am really wasting my time!
As cliche' as it may sound, only time will tell.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
Who wants to be judged or even asks for it? No one. Although his own post is riddled with judgments. But it's all good...because those were not judgments...those were just a potpurri of adjectives...a string of similes and metaphors....writing devices if you will...to create a literary effect.
Why even treat this like a side project? A project...be it side or main....is something you invest energy in and attach expectations to....which is setting yourself up for heartache. If this had been a girl posting, people would have told her that the guy who is neither initiating contact nor responding isn't interested so move on. How did Multani show the previous women in his life that he had moved on or was no longer interested in them? He can apply his own behavior in those past situations to the one he is currently facing with his cousin.
It wouldn't have been so bad if she was at least responding to ur texts....she's not even doing that. You keep reaching out to her and it isn't working so why continue it? How about you just back off and focus on your self-reformation goals. It'll keep u occupied with other things and put things (about her, her personality, you, your goals, and life) in a perspective you hadn't seen earlier.
I read and reread your response. It was very thought provoking.
You are right though, had a girl been posting...and they guy were doing this behavior, the girl would be told; "just let the guy go. He's not worth your time, effort, feelings, and emotions. You can do better -- someone that respects you and treats you well."
I have been told this, maybe at least a dozen times...the problem is my conscious and subconscious mind are misaligned. My rational self, is telling me to let go, but my subconscious is latching on. It's only a matter of time though...before they will be on the same page.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
we're saying that it's karma to help him deal with it. It's better to be like... you know what, I screwed up in the past, now this is happening to me prob because of my mistakes... you can be a better person. It's tough to get over a heartbreak and the best thing to do is sometimes accept that you're not right for that person or vice versa.
And I put in my post that he is his own person. He can do what he wants. But he randomly posted about how he doesn't think drinking and getting high is bad and the reasoning for it- those were a side track to his girl problems. That's why those were addressed.
I hear people keep saying over and over again... that it's KARMA this is happening.
If you do something bad -- again "bad" is a man made word which we have given meaning and connotations to, the same as "good". Further more, in different parts of the world, "bad" and "good" acts are perceived differently. Meaning a drinking in Ireland, is an accepted "good" or "okay" pastime, but where as in Saudi, drinking is very "bad" -- will get you arrested.
I know i've used the saying myself in the past, that "it's karma happening" when someone acts out of character or mistreats someone, and has a chain or series of unfortunate events befallen upon him.
The thing is, Karma does not exist.
Even in the event of a serious mishap... lets say:
I mistreat Jenny, and then my car won't start... it had no correlation.
I mistreat Jenny, and as I turn around, I fall down. No correlation.
I mistreat Jenny, and feel guilty about it, but because of the guilt, while closing my car door, my fingers get slammed shut.
Yes correlation in the third case.
But see, it's not KARMA that made him slam his fingers in the door. It was the guilt...which is a conscious / subconscious manifestation. Meaning if we do something bad, and internally... on a conscious or even subconscious level are not over this incident...our mind will serve justice (will occupy or distract or disrupt us causing something abnormal to happen) for it --- IF --- AND ONLY IF --- It sees fit.
Meaning, if I am a serial killer, and i have gone on a murdering rampage... it's not going to be Karma that gets me caught on the 100th murder. Where was Karma on the 99 that preceded it?
I don't see the correlation my PAST has on my selection, and me falling for my cousin. I made the decision to fall for her, I let myself fall for her, because "I" felt like their was value in emotionally committing to her, but as time went on, I realize that maybe just MAYBE I jumped the gun... MAYBE I made a mistake, but there is that subconscious half of me... THAT WILL NOT or DOES NOT want to let go. On a conscious level... I even admit it in my post, that if this were any other girl, I wouldn't want to put up with this....
So if you are calling my subconscious suffering and inability to move on --- "Karma"... OKAY
But the actuality is, I feel my past did not predicate this current situation --- WHAT SO EVER.
It just happened that way. If any one is to blame - it's me...for allowing myself to fall for her.
My past did shape me who I am today... but what I'm trying to say is: "If i had been a saint, there is still no guarantee that this wouldn't be happening" - "It might be different, but you cannot attribute Karma to the current series of events".
I pissed Jenny off, and I happened to go to my car and it won't start.
Regardless of what I did to Jenny --- The car would not have started.
Obviously it's a lot more complicated than this...but i'm not going to let people cop out, and attribute Karma to my current situation, and let them "think" they know all.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
Hmm.. why do you act and write like a chick?
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
So, my comment got deleted because I used the word "hate"? But douchebag is okay to use? (I completely agree with Sara though, he really is one)
I'm not arguing. Just asking a serious question....."hate" is off limits?
no...your comment got deleted because you suggested that this person is a troll....it was deleted with all the other similar comments.
I also deleted it because someone started to pick on you about being a 14 year old. I can put all those back if you wish......
as for the douchebag comment from Sara....I agree that it is harsh however, she used the word in contrast to the OP's use of profanity about girls that he has slept with......so I felt it appropriate to leave in the discussion because it forces the OP to address his hypocrisy.
if you feel that your post, suggesting that the OP is a troll, contributes to developing the discussion, let me know how and I'll be more than pleased to return it to the thread.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
Im going to be very honest with you. Firstly, I have no problem with your past. You made mistakes, you are human afterall. The thing is drinking, sleeping around, and drugs are all fine in moderation for s NON muslim. You are muslim, and Allah swt clearly forbids these things. Islam is not about picking and choosing, about finding loopholes, islam is about submitting yourself to your lord, out of respect and love. We do things not because we want to, but because we are asked too. I am not perfect and make a lottttt of mistakes, but i don't justify them to myself by saying oh but its not s big deal. So i would advise you to look at your actions islamically snd decide if you are hurting and dissapointing the one who has made you. Its not about being religious, its about loving him with everything we have.
Now about you, you seem like a person filled with depth. That is s very good thing, but not many people will understand you. I can tell that you are not a bad guy, you are just lost. Before even thinking about marriage, you have to find yourself and come to terms with what you really are and what you want to be. I don't think your actually in love with this girl. I believe its impossible yo fall in love with a person unless you know them extensively. How can you fall in love in a couple of visits? You dont even know the person properly yet. I think you were in the process of falling in love, and you hurried into it because u came to paki with the intention of falling in love. I also dont think this girl is right for you. She clearly has past experience with guys, and thats not even the bad part. She got physical with you when she clearly was not serious about you, knowing full well you are part of the family and could ruin her reputation. She clearly has a habit of doing these things and shes cunning enough to hide it. Shes sounds like trouble and one of loose character, hypocricy, and lies. You should stop chasing after her, and work on developing yourself. I would tell you to remain single, find yourself, and try to remain chaste from now until marriage , until you actually find someone who is worthy of your love and intimacy. If you marry a girl who is ready to forgive your past, has good characte, loyalty and honesty, you will be a happy man.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
^ "If you marry a girl who is ready to forive your past, has a good character, loyalty, honesty, you will be a happy man".
I'm just curious, how many people would let their daugthers/sisters/even cousins get married to a guy with a HUGE past?
And again, I ask, if the OP was a girl, how would you be posting differently? God, by now the girl would have been lynched off the forums.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
^ "If you marry a girl who is ready to forive your past, has a good character, loyalty, honesty, you will be a happy man".
I'm just curious, how many people would let their daugthers/sisters/even cousins get married to a guy with a HUGE past?
And again, I ask, if the OP was a girl, how would you be posting differently? God, by now the girl would have been lynched off the forums.
more often than not, this sort of HUGE past is left undisclosed.......so there's probably quite a large group that have agreed to such rishtay without even knowing it.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
If hes ready to change, the past should not matter?
Maybe he should not tell the past but be a better man.. people learn from their mistakes if they allow themselves. I don't see why that's not possible here?
But be open to a girl with a past.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
If hes ready to change, the past should not matter?
Maybe he should not tell the past but be a better man.. people learn from their mistakes if they allow themselves. I don't see why that's not possible here?
But be open to a girl with a past.
PCG....I rest my case.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
I like this... do whatever you want to do, sleep around, drink, do all that stuff and then one day decide to leave it behind you, don't mention it... move on find a naik girl with character and hope that only her genes are transferred to the next generation and not yours. Life can't be better than this.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
^ "If you marry a girl who is ready to forive your past, has a good character, loyalty, honesty, you will be a happy man".
I'm just curious, how many people would let their daugthers/sisters/even cousins get married to a guy with a HUGE past?
And again, I ask, if the OP was a girl, hoow would you be posting differently? God, bIy now the girl would have been lynched off the forums.
I would have no problem marrying someone with a past, neither would i stop a sister or daughter from doing so. As long as the guy has not dont immoral acts that have hurt others such as murder or rape. If someone has had a sexual or drinking history, i would look to see if they have repented. If they truly have given up their old ways, i would marry them in a heart beat. If Allah swt has not closed his doors on the sinners, if he forgives the greatest sinners if they repent who are we to hold judgment? Do we know better than him? And the same rules apply to girls, if they have a past but repent than i would never think twice about their past. People who think otherwise need to stop being so judgmental and go out and explore the world, you'll be amazed at what you see. The most wonderful pious kind muslims i know are people who have pasts just like this man or worse.
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
I like this... do whatever you want to do, sleep around, drink, do all that stuff and then one day decide to leave it behind you, don't mention it... move on find a naik girl with character and hope that only her genes are transferred to the next generation and not yours. Life can't be better than this.
hey...its islamically allowed for girls to not disclose their past sins........ why can't the guy be allowed the same luxury?
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
Im not sure about islams view point on this. however Islam allows us to seek forgiveness and be a better person until the day of judgment.
Just because they have a past, they should just sit back and continue cause the world would put the badge on them?
there is so much going on in our society I think he hasn't hurt anyone
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
no...your comment got deleted because you suggested that this person is a troll....it was deleted with all the other similar comments.
I also deleted it because someone started to pick on you about being a 14 year old. I can put all those back if you wish......
as for the douchebag comment from Sara....I agree that it is harsh however, she used the word in contrast to the OP's use of profanity about girls that he has slept with......so I felt it appropriate to leave in the discussion because it forces the OP to address his hypocrisy.
if you feel that your post, suggesting that the OP is a troll, contributes to developing the discussion, let me know how and I'll be more than pleased to return it to the thread.
It ok. Leave it deleted. I was just curious.
And I said I hoped he was a troll because if he isn't one then that just leads me to lose even more hope in "modern" males.
Thanks for the reply!:)
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan…OMG
This kind of sounds like Ranbir Kapoor’s movie Bachna Ae Haseeno 
Re: American Pakistani, and I want to marry my 1st Cousin in Pakistan...OMG
... more hope in "modern" males.
not modern males but desi men, no?
past matters it shapes you what you are and its the experiences which changes you to better/worse.
There is no doubt he can find a someone who will look over actions but it will end up either extremely religious or extremely western, putting restriction out of your own fear/ego on wife/children in the name of islam or children end up following dads footstep if he stills go back to his old habits/ways which are both wrong
no wonder why desi society is so messed up