American looking for some advice,

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: American looking for some advice,

Your right, she doesn't listen to me anymore, she does pretty much whatever he tells her to do without thinking about it. He's had her do things that she never would have done before she met him.

42

Re: American looking for some advice,

Thank you for the information and now that you mention it I remember that he also mocked the Virgin Mary when she got him to take her to see the movie, “The Nativity Story”. Normally my daughter would not associate with someone like that, she knows its very wrong to mock a persons religious beliefs.

Thank you all for your responses and making me feel welcome here!

43

Re: American looking for some advice,

Oh god how awful. This man is bad news...she cant see it at the moment cos shes "in love". I agree with what ppl on here have said-u can b there for her but this man isnt right at all.

44

Re: American looking for some advice,

Your right, she thinks she's in love and is blind to whats happening. I still have hope that he'll screw up within the next couple of months before the wedding takes place.

He's changed employers 3 times since she met him and he's already complaining about his new job. I also didn't like hearing him making fun of his patients, imitating them and saying they were pathetic. I've never been to a psychiatrist in my life and I certainly would not go to him if I needed one.

I'm afraid their relationship has progressed to the point that there's not much I can do about it without her hating me for interfering. He's already got her believing that moving away is going to be a good thing for her.

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45

Re: American looking for some advice,

Hi again mr big...I've been thinking about your situation and have a suggestion. Have a nice afternoon/evening with your daughter and the boyfriend - in a very friendly, relaxed manner like "Hey, I'm the dad just getting to know my potential son-in-law. And in a really friendly way and with your daughter sitting with you both, start a discussion on each of the topics that you brought up here as concerns. Dont be accusatory, just be the dad who doesnt understand and is looking for answers. "Oh I understand you're diabetic....tell me about that" and persue details. Try to corner him - but again, its important that your daughter see you as the friendly dad looking out for his girl. And it will highlight even more his dishonesty and/or his falseness. Whenever I saw my dad together with a potential guy, it was always on my mind (NOT that I'd ever admit it out loud) but it was SO important that the guy "measure up"...and if he didnt, it would just plant that seed of doubt and cause me to lose interest even if it took some time. This approach worked with me and also my sister and nephew so its kind of tried-and-true....

46

Re: American looking for some advice,

sorry but it seems like you need to have some control over your daughter aswell , regardless of him being pakistani he is a sick man and he is very old 50 , certainly nt an age to get engaged in. u should stop ur daughter from seeing him and engaging in any bad tsuff with him as he doesnt have much of a future does he?

47

Re: American looking for some advice,

The problem is he's already relocated over 1200 miles from me and isn't coming back here until the wedding, after that my daughter will be leaving. She's already moved some of her things there, you have to understand that he quickly took a new job in another state without telling anyone what he was up to and still hasn't had the decency to speak to me about it. I've been fuming ever since trying to decide what to do, I had hoped my daughter wasn't going to go along with it. I believe he already looks at her as being his property.

Also, most of the things I've found out about him I discovered on my own after he moved, my daughter hasn't been very forth coming telling me things about him, I believe she knows I don't like him and has avoided speaking to me about him.

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48

Re: American looking for some advice,

The problem with this idea is that in European western culture u cant control ur kids-esp if shes 28-its not gonna happen and it will cause a hell of a lot of resentment and she may end up marrying him purely to prove a point. My husband is white british and he doesnt understand this concept of controlling ur adult children at all. I tried to explain its a cultural thing but he doesnt get it. A 28 yr old adult is not gonna listen to her dad warning her off abt this bloke esp if she feels its the right thing to do, even tho it clearly isnt. I can smell a rat a mile off with this man and i can totally understand ur worries being a parent myself. I have no idea how my husband would deal with a situation like this if this eva happened to us.
I would suggest trying to find out what her motivations r for marrying this loser. Beyond love there has to b something else. What will she get out of marrying this guy? Will her life b better off with this pathological liar? I wouldnt b suprised if hes got children. She needs to have her eyes opened. I may well b wrong and he could b a great guy but it sounds highly unlikely and i totally understand ur fears.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

amani06 i agree that may happen that is why i think the european need to start pratising restraint , if this was done from before such tensions would nt arise ,

However now the tension is there i dont think there is pretty much u cn do apart for waiting for her to see sense and to be honest that may be after she has married him and stuff. i mean if she is ready to accpet him she will nt lissen to ne one until she has seen it herslef .

However Good Luck and i wish all the best for u and ur daughter.

50

Re: American looking for some advice,

I know better than to try and control her, she's very stubborn and thinks she's superior to me, I never went to college and she's close to getting her masters degree.

She's in love and has the idea that things will be wonderful, like I said she's an idiot.

He has two daughters that live with their mom, he sends my daughter to pick them up when he gets them for weekends and such. My daughter has to meet them away from their home because his ex-wife doesn't want him knowing where she lives now. His ex is also a psychiatrist and a very successful one from what I've learned.

He really is a pathological liar in my opinion and my daughter just doesn't see it or ignores it. Maybe she's using him just like he's using her, I would never suspect her of such a thing but I guess anythings possible.

Its a shame because a wedding is suppose to be a happy time for families but this wedding is going to seem more like a funeral. From what I've heard his family isn't happy about it either.

51

Re: American looking for some advice,

He's a psychiatrist? That alone should make one run in the other direction :P

I agree with MamaOf3 - Your daughter is a grown woman, and she'll have to go thru the experience to see it for herself. It won't last long, she'll come to her senses, unless she's a complete doormat who's willing to let him do whatever/say whatever and get away with it.

52

Re: American looking for some advice,

Unfortunately I believe your right and I don't think it will last for very long, eventually his lies are going to catch up to him. She's not a doormat but she is very gullible.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

bigbob

i think ppl have given some good advise. do what you need to do to make sure she realizes whatthis guy is truly like. She is 28 and depending on the personality may be more receptive to this info coming to her from someone in her peer group, a friend, cousin, a younger aunt or uncle she may be close to. The challenge sometimes because of hearing these things from a parent may be that the son/daughter immediately puts up a wall because theyw atto be taken seriously as an adult, and while you dont mean to treat her like a kid she may just feel that thats what you are doing.

send her the proof hardcopy, tell her that you do not mean to offend her but want to make sure she has all the relevant information in front of her.

lastly, if you cant stop this, make sure she signs a prenup advantageous to her, or at minimum not one where she is at a disadvantage if few years from now the things needs to end.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

Relax bob.
wedding shmedding whatever it is will bring your daughter half his assests.
You brought her up as independent woman now don't be imposing your will on her. A 28 yr old woman doing her masters i bet she can make right choices for her.

p.s. It seems like you are being over protective coz of guy's age or maybe skin ???

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Re: American looking for some advice,

She has made her own decisions concerning him without any interference from me, and not very good ones in my opinion. Its good that she'll soon have her masters degree but no college degree makes anyone less likely of making mistakes in life and love.

His age is an issue, he lied to her about his age by 10 years, she never would have started seeing him if she had known he was 50. I won't lie to you and tell you that I wouldn't prefer her to be with an American and someone that at least respects her religious beliefs. I've been told that his family has expressed that they'd rather he be with a Pakistani woman as well. That said, I think its only natural for both sides to feel that way, maybe I'm wrong but its how I feel.

He has no assets that I know of other than his Lexus vehicles and he already pays a hefty sum for child support to his ex-wife for his two daughters. The new home he's moved into is another rental, he's told my daughter that he wants to see how his job goes before buying a home. I'm expecting that they'll stay in the rental until he decides to pick up and move again.

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56

Re: American looking for some advice,

**I am surprised Join krty hi agly din is ny thread creat kr liya main ny GS join kia tu das din tak matagasht krti rahi or I was not able to creat a thred unless I hadsufficient replys to other threads. Ab kia policy badal gai hy gory ky liy **.:aq:

57

Re: American looking for some advice,

hahaha how do we even knw dis is a gora it mite be sum asian in disguise creating a fuss ... lolz ... funny how he found this thread all of a sudden to discuss pakistani men .. i wondered if he searched on google. lolzz

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58

Re: American looking for some advice,

it's not like he said anything bad about pakistani men...if we go around thinking that everyone is a fake then this forum wouldnt be too interesting now would it? it's not like it's gonna hurt anyone to give advice or suggestions even if the person is a fake...now is it?

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Re: American looking for some advice,

i did not say it wil hurt ne one , sheesh ppl on this forum r sooooo sensitive .. if u go thru d post everyone has been givin advice as well as myself.. a lil joke surely duznt hurt either.. :)

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Re: American looking for some advice,

you should PM this q to a mod - they’d prolly be able to help you out! :stuck_out_tongue: