American looking for some advice,

Lifestyle Relationships
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I’m an American who knows nothing about Pakistan and its people, my daughter is engaged to a Pakistani man here in America. I’ve only met him three times and at first thought he was a nice person, a year later I’ve discovered several lies he’s told my daughter, my wife is afraid if I say anything to our daughter that we’ll never see her again.

This is a list of some of the lies I’ve discovered, no telling how many other lies he’s told her,

  1. said he was 40 when he’s really 50
  2. said he divorced his wife, she divorced him (she’s Pakistani)
  3. Lied that he would not take a new job in another state and then did just that (she’ll be moving 1200 miles from her family and friends).
  4. Lied that his last girlfriend was a drunk that stole money from him, she’s not a drunk and did not steal any money from him. (she’s an honor student that’s also 20 years younger than him)
  5. Lied about a court case that he lost.
  6. Lied about owning his house , he was renting it.
  7. She caught him in the bathroom injecting himself with a syringe, he told her he had diabetes and was afraid she’d leave him if he told her, she had not ever seen any diabetic supplies in the house.
  8. He told his neighbor to stay away from my daughter because he didn’t want anyone bothering her.

Some other things that bother me are that this man makes sick jokes about her religion (Christian) , pats her on top of her head, is a total slob around the house, whines about everything, tells her what to do about everything, he has plenty of money for when he travels alone to Pakistan, Brazil, etc. but he keeps telling her they need to stop spending money.

This is only the second man my daughter has been involved with and the first that she’s had sex with, she’s very trusting, a hard worker, wants to please everyone all the time, and an Idiot with men. They’ve been having a lot of arguments recently because of him changing jobs and moving away, I don’t know a lot of what goes on because my daughter is very protective of him and refuses to question him about anything.

I want to know what someone from Pakistan thinks of this,

thank you in advance!

BigBob

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Re: American looking for some advice,

Thats is a very sad story.

Its good that you are really concerned about ur daughter.

With all you have said I think make sure that she stay away from him.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

realllllllly bery bad ...beter find som1 else ...

NED make winning start in international inter-varsity..
NED make winning start in international inter-varsity..
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Re: American looking for some advice,

First of all....Please dont think that all Pakistani men are like this...there are good and bad men in all cultures. Dont let one man give a bad name to the rest.

All I can say is that your daughter should stay away from him. He is bad news!

To the people whose names I'm going to post right now
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Re: American looking for some advice,

tell her to dump him... that is the best solution in my view.

Pakistani or not, You can't go too far with/in a relationship that is based upon lies and lies and more lies. Moreover, compromise should be mutual... in a relationship "Giving" sounds good as long as there is "take" involved as well, otherwise the giving will go waste eventually... one shouldn't ask the other partner to compromise and sacrifice all the time while he himself is not willing to keep the relationship working and is making all the wrong choices most of the time.

Infact, your girl should be sensible enough to break up with him without even thinking twice, but i know love sometimes is still blind even these days and the ones those are truly devoted to their loved ones still make bad decisions even after knowing that there is a dead end to this road.

There is no other way out... he gave you guys lots of wrong information about him and there is no way that you guys should trust him anymore.

PS: btw was it just you who didn't know the truth or was your daughter misinformed as well.
PS2: are you sure he is a pakistani cuz pakistani men usually do Allah Allah in their 50s rather than playing games here and there. :)

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Re: American looking for some advice,

I 100% agreed with your solution:)

*RE:PS2;Now a days trends are changed in Pakistan and Pakistanis 2. Allah Allah krny waly khwab o khiyal hoy.In this age most of them like to marry with a girl which will be their grand daughter's age.Its a bitter reality But Americans bhi kisi sy kam nahi:) *

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Re: American looking for some advice,

uh not really…there are some dirty perverted ones here and there as well. Who knows…I wouldnt be suprised if they find out this guy nvr divorced in the first place…he might still be married :bummer:

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Re: American looking for some advice,

U R Right

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Re: American looking for some advice,

especially the rich men...but it's not just rich pakistani men that do that....many rich men in general marry girls young enough to be their grandaughters.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

Yes rich tu rich Hmara MAli baba I think rich nahi kaha ja skta 4th shadi aysi hi larki sy ki{ Most sad part apni byti ky watty main dosry Baba sy byti ki shadi ki or os ki Poti yani Grand daughter sy khud ki} or hamin bra ghusa charhta tha jab kehta, " Oh bhaj bhaj pichy jandi si ty main kuttiya" Main ny ghusy sy kaha " How come you beated a very young girl like this" Dhitai sy kaha" Bibi Zal qabo kain nain andi ahdy baghyr:mad:

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Re: American looking for some advice,

I don't think that all Pakistani men are like him, I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

The
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Re: American looking for some advice,

no you didnt give me that impression...i just wanted to make sure that you didnt think that :)

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Re: American looking for some advice,

*You don't need to say sorry many Pakistanis are making their wrong impression.
*

The
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Re: American looking for some advice,

You are quite a dad to find this place and seek out advice. I am an american gal with conservative republican 1950s type parents and they too had concerns...but luckily, my desi guy is impeccable....

the guy your daughter is with sounds like bad news...really. You're quite right being concerned. The only lie I think I understand is the diabetic thing....pakistanis DO indeed tend to be very concious of hereditary type health issues. Everything else points to a bad news relationship I'm sorry to say.

May God/Allah be with her and your family.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

Like AE said, not all pakistani men are like that, you should try to convince your daughter in a gentle manner, show her how wrong she is about him, at the end of the day, she'll ruin her life.

PS - I know you care about her and she is your daughter, but also look at how he treats her, at whether he keeps her happy or not.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

oh Bholey badshah Decent fellow & 5ho@b sahab please try to focus and dont pass judgment in haste.

bigbob, it seems you are trying hard to paint the picture as bleak as possible. no offense but these Lies are quite ummm say insignificant/irrelevent if you dont explain to us how adversely they affected(or is affecting ) you daughter.

I am not advocating that guy, he might be a moron or worse and there are 30 more lies about him you dont know yet, but i hope and pray that Lord make your daughter’s married life blissfull :flower1:

Lets analyze :

** 1. said he was 40 when he’s really 50**

How old is your daughter. Your daughter found it accidently or he told her himself ?

** 2. said he divorced his wife, she divorced him (she’s Pakistani)
**
That is irrelevent. Only thing relevent for you and your daugter’s future is the reason of divorce.

**3. Lied that he would not take a new job in another state and then did just that (she’ll be moving 1200 miles from her family and friends).

Technically that would be a promise not lie! and depending on situation it could also be his priority. but priorities can change. a person can accept an offer if it is good for his career growth. Lots of people change states / country due to many reasons But if the guy is not allowing his wife to meet her parent then your concerns are valid.
**
4. Lied that his last girlfriend was a drunk that stole money from him, she’s not a drunk and did not steal any money from him. (she’s an honor student that’s also 20 years younger than him)

you can be sure about this only if there was a case registered and court of law gave this ruling. In any case how is this affecting the current relationship. Is she ( last girlfriend ) still part of his life ?

** 5. Lied about a court case that he lost.**

Ok. would you like to tell us the nature of this case ?

** 6. Lied about owning his house , he was renting it.**

thats wrong

7. She caught him in the bathroom injecting himself with a syringe, he told her he had diabetes and was afraid she’d leave him if he told her, she had not ever seen any diabetic supplies in the house.
**
Again thats quite bad too. Lack of trust in such an intimate relationship is dangerous
**
8. He told his neighbor to stay away from my daughter because he didn’t want anyone bothering her.

That can be perfectly fine if they are bothering her, otherwise i dont think there is any reason for such behaviour.

Making sick joke about any religion is quite ignorant and unislamic (assuming he is a muslim)

Rest of your concerns sound very valid, as a parent i respect your concerns.

some very important questions

Does he respect your daughter and her wishes (overall )?

Is he a faithfull husband ?

Only the wife can answer these questions , and if answer of any of these questions is in negative then she should consider separation, otherwise they should try to build trust and understanding

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Re: American looking for some advice,

Thanks everyone for your comments and concern, I'm trying to be very careful dealing with this because I know my daughter is being manipulated and she thinks she's in love.

I hoped she would break up with him when he told her he was moving out of state but he convinced her to move even after she had told him she did not want to. She is beginning to see things that don't seem right about him, I try to allow her to come to her own conclusions so she won't get pissed at me and run back telling him what I've said.

I might add that when they first met he showered her with gifts, took her to Europe for 2 weeks, allowed her to use one of his Lexus vehicles, and she moved in with him which was a big financial help to her.

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Re: American looking for some advice,

So he does keep her happy?
If she’s like totally hooked on him and can’t see the bad side of him, then there isn’t much you can do. But if she does see some of the points your trying to show her then maybe she’ll understand herself in time.

Hope all goes well :rose:

Last person to answer this post wins!!!!
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Re: American looking for some advice,

No I’m not trying to paint the picture as being bleak, I tried to like the man but that’s not going to happen.

As to your questions,

  1. My daughter is 28 , she discovered it on his passport.

  2. Its another lie and they all add up.

  3. He told her that he wasn’t going to apply for the job, but did so anyway.

  4. He has slandered this other woman in order to make himself look good.

  5. I found the court documents online, he started a psychiatry business several years ago with two other men from Pakistan, they were hiring other Pakistani doctors through the J1 Visa program. His partners had to take him to court because he was mis-handling the money, he then locked them out of the business. He lost the case and had to pay monies back to the other two partners. I have the court documents and its too involved to list it all here.

6 & 7. we agree on

  1. The neighbor is also his landlord, my daughter is still unaware that the house was rented not owned by him. I found the real estate records proving that the neighbor is in fact the home owner. My daughter should have figured this out for herself because the neighbors daughter lives in the other unit (duplex) and they take care of all the house repair and upkeep. The neighbor had never bothered my daughter before, he just didn’t want my daughter talking to her and finding out that the house belonged to her and not him. My daughter thinks he was being very considerate for her well being, That’s how Stupid my daughter has become!!

  2. He is a muslim and I was quite surprised to hear he had made sick jokes about her religion and in front of company.

  3. No he doesn’t. He put on a show in the beginning but after 6 months it all began to change and is only getting worst.

  4. Their not married yet, I have no idea wether or not he’s being faithful to her, I have my doubts about his trips to Brazil for the festivals there.

Have you ever fallen in a public place ?
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Re: American looking for some advice,

If my family structure teacher was reading this, he'd say: "RUN!"

Run as far away as she can.