Jaadugar, no one here on this forum is a professional therapist. I strongly advice seeking help from a marriage counselor, they can really help. And since you're well-off, you can easily afford it. Don't ruin your marriage by listening to peoples advice on this forum who don't have a clue about your life in reality and the actual problems. No one here knows the whole story, obviously your wife will also have her side. My sincere advice is to get professional help. Therapists can really do wonders. You need to save your marriage,and marriage counselor wont hurt. It's worth a try.
And theres nothing embarassing about marriage counselor. You don't have to tell anyone, and they keep everything confidential anyway. So many people prevent divorce by getting help from these therapists. Most of tte time there is an underlying problem and lack of communication between the couple and since your wife's family isn't even in the country, no one can intervene and try to solve the issues.
Theres a reason why these therapists charge so much, they are really good at what they do.
oh yay, the "slave" topic again that people got their knickers in a twist about.
you girls are funny. going by what I read on here if we reversed time and this guy was asking if he should marry a girl from pakistan whom he barely knows and he intends to give her a house for her own income, cars etc etc, you'd all be "SHE'S A CHALAK DESI GOLD DIGGER!!"
Jaadugar, no one here on this forum is a professional therapist. I strongly advice seeking help from a marriage counselor, they can really help. And since you're well-off, you can easily afford it. Don't ruin your marriage by listening to peoples advice on this forum who don't have a clue about your life in reality and the actual problems. No one here knows the whole story, obviously your wife will also have her side. My sincere advice is to get professional help. Therapists can really do wonders. You need to save your marriage,and marriage counselor wont hurt. It's worth a try.
This is the only reasonable advice so far.
Nobody here knows how to handle these kinds of situations. The ones who are not married are being either feminist or male chauvinist.
The ones who are married are looking at it from one sided looking glass.
Your situation is not as easy as it seems. It has all taken many years to come to the point where you filled separation papers.
You can surely mend the fences temporarily, or put a band aid to stop the bleeding but now this situation is at a point where you too need professional help . If you take initiative to control the damage or she gives in for now and things go back to normal, you will face the same situation again soon (Allah na karay) . ( May Allah be your , your wife's and your kids protector. Ameen.
Either you are not providing the full picture and are covering yourself here on the forum ... or you are unaware of what is really going on with your wife. In any case, I suggest you try and figure it out. Spend time together, as opposed to buying her things. Also, you didn't want to marry her ... if she suspects this, is aware of this or you have made this clear to her, then it would explain some of her behaviour.
Tammy is right. Absolutely nobody on this forum can provide you with proper advice. No outsider can. Speak to your spouse and go for individual as well as couples' counselling if you want to save your marriage. It takes two to tango, so be ready to take responsibility for your role in this.
You've handed everything on a plate to her, Which results in she doesnt appreciate you. The reasons she stopped talking to you is complete nonsense. The first time she stopped talking to her you should of layed down the law and she should of realised who and what you are. Trust me.. I've seen this situation. Now you've let her get away with it and awarding her with the bad behaviour. Shes become spoilt. Its pathetic. If shes gonna act like a child then she should be treated like one too. Dont i repeat dont let this effect your work because the more you stress about it the more your work is gonna be effected. Dont let her get to you, Dont sit there and expect her to cook for you, Simply get your own food, If she wants to play that game, You can too. Its ridiculous. Trust me dont ever get twisted into womens 'games' (I am a woman myself and i hate it when women do that to men)
Spend time with her, you have kids, so make it work out. And people get angry, doesn't matter how long you have been married for or whether or not it was arranged. This is how she expresses her anger. Just talk to her, tell her how you feel, I'm sure she has her own side of the story. The relationship has been 7 years strong, I'm sure you want to keep it together.
ohhh joy the topic again of an "imported wife." Sorry I know too many people whose lives have been destroyed because they married someone from pakistan, came here, and that "imported" person showed their true colors.
My advice- please think about it, right now your probably writing in the heat of the moment and give it some time. There are two children here that will be impacted. Think and pray, and let that be your guide, if after a week or month or whatever you think is a legimate time things don't improve then you have every right to do what your doing. Also, on another note, if i were you i'd take the whole she's not talk to me bit and ignore it. If she doesn't want to communicate (which i have observed many imported pakistani wives do the silent treatment, I feel like most people born in us, uk talk things out), then fine don't communicate, just go about your ways, if she doesn't cook- offer to take the kids out to dinner. at the end of the day they are your children and dispite what happened between you and your wife, they shouldn't suffer.
from, firmly against marrying against pakistan,
Hina
@PyariCgudia- WHY did i just know that there was someone quite intelligent, mature behind all those frivolous posts?! :-). Well Said in all your posts @ this topic.
@jaadugar- Bro! Don't ignore it like some people may be suggesting. It's your life and you should be sensible enuff to know such things shouldnt be ignored. Let's not make it a war of egos, talk to her tell her how u are feeling about this whole issue and explain the severity of the situation to her. Please for God's sake, marriage is marriage lets not take it as a course u take in uni and can drop anytime u want. Let's give it some respect.
No one is attacking him, it just shocks me that some men can start thinking about divorce so quickly after a small issue. If you really wanna fix things then don't even think about separating from your wife and children.
Wow, as expected, the man must always be the cause of the problem, and the woman is always the angel. If she ever acts inappropriately, let’s put allllll the blame on the man
She’s not a 10 year old, you do not need to probe and search and babysit her when she’s throwing tantrums. As Sara also mentioned earlier, what an immature and irresponsible way to show she’s angry. What if you do the same and stop providing her financially? Even if her anger IS justified in some way, is this really how a wife and a mother of two children should act? I cannot believe people here are finding no issues with how she’s behaving.
The mature way would be to communicate and resolve problems, not give up on housework and act like a child. As a husband, you deserve respect and there are certain adaabs to follow in one’s marriage. Seems like you’re fed up of all this, anyone would be, especially after doing so much for their family.
Jaadugar
I leave cooking and cleaning when I’m fed up and do you know my husband never gets frustrated. He’d clean, cook and feed me and kids.
Can you do that with your family? I’m sure you can. And when you do that your wife will be back to normal within a day. Believe me.
