You had 2 kids with her. Seriously dude. Grow a pair and be a responsible parent/father.
Filling out separation papers - what if she finds them? what if she peruses your internet history and finds this site and you posting on here?
It's obvious you despise her. Showering her with wealth is just your way of compensating for your ill feelings towards her. You should have thought about ALL this before you had 2 kids with her.
Quit being elitist and be responsible. You don't think she is as educated as you? Take some classes at a community college for fun together. Do some bonding. Connect with each other. Marriages are not built on buying the wife TWO cars.
Maybe she doesn't have her priorities straight because you never had YOUR priorities straight with her.
I don't ask my husband if he wants to go along when I visit my parents. Is that bad??? Never thought about that. I visit them for few weeks and in those weeks I spend every min with my mom. I wake up early just so I can have bkfast with her. Now if my husband went, I wouldn't get that time with her.
Ok fine she did get upset at some stupid thing which she shouldn't have. So what?? We all have those moments. After a while we are like seriously why did I get upset at that??!!! Just because she may sometimes act immature, you shouldn't leave her. Divorce/Separation is no joke mister. Even the thought of it is scary.
jaadugar i will not comment as to who is right and who is wrong. What I see over here is that 2 children are involved in this marriage and you are a sensible person. For your children's sake try to find good in your wife. I know its very irritating when you are trying to finish off a dispute , making the 1st move and what you get from your partner is plain rough behaviour. I have been thru this so many time I know how bad it feels. But I would suggest you to try to find something good in her. For example, okay she shows anger by not cooking & all , she stops talking to you but at the end of the day she is loyal to you isn't she ? she is not going to places to speak ill about you. whatever she does is just between you and her , she is showing YOU the attitude and not making a big drama infront of the world . These are small things when one spouse does , hurts the most .try to value these small qualities in her.
She is sounding very naive to me. But you are not. You have to be there in your children life. Don't go for seperation esp after your kids are used to see mommy and daddy living together.
I sincerely hope things works out for both of u ameen
Yeah for each day she decided NOT to cook for you, think about all the days she has cooked for you and "served you" (your words, not mine, and frankly POOR CHOICE of words for someone who thinks he's more educated than a woman who mispells "color").
In fact, here's a concrete suggestion. Set aside your anger and tomorrow night, YOU cook something for her and the kids. Be nice, be kind, don't bring up the subject of the argument and just try to have a nice dinner with your family.
Yeah for each day she decided NOT to cook for you, think about all the days she has cooked for you and "served you" (your words, not mine, and frankly POOR CHOICE of words for someone who thinks he's more educated than a woman who mispells "color").
In fact, here's a concrete suggestion. Set aside your anger and tomorrow night, YOU cook something for her and the kids. Be nice, be kind, don't bring up the subject of the argument and just try to have a nice dinner with your family.
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Would you care to provide a better choice of words to express this situation?
She's not a maid. She does not SERVE anyone. Start thinking of her as an equal at par with you who deserves the same respect you demand of everyone, and I'm sure you'll find plenty of alternatives for that term.
She's not a maid. She does not SERVE anyone. Start thinking of her as an equal at par with you who deserves the same respect you demand of everyone, and I'm sure you'll find plenty of alternatives for that term.
When a woman cooks food and put it on the table for her husband and kids, what is she doing? I am sorry if it sounds odd to you but I think using the term serve is appropriate. Serving isn't done by MAIDS only.
As I mentioned in my original post that she is complete house maker so she has taken the responsibility to take care of the house and I have responsibility to provide my family with their financial needs. It's not that I don't touch anything around the house. When needed I help her around the house too.
I have no problems in thinking "Start thinking of her as an equal at par with you who deserves the same respect you demand of everyone" but it won't be fair if I work extended hours and then come home and start doing house work as well. My wife spends half of her time (literally 4-5 hours) almost everyday shopping or hanging out with her friends. Yes she takes both kids with her. And I have no problems with her as long as she does household stuff at the same time. I know what you mean by equality and I beleive in that. I see people around me where husband and wife both work full time and then they share ro do the house work too. I think that is fair.
FYI, she sends money to her family whenever needed and I am fine with that too... I have just found a Western Union receipt on the dressing table that she sent $2500 to her mom yesterday. And don't tell me that she needed to ask me to buy her ticket to go to Pakistan.
PCG and Jadugar I think the most important issue here is marriage and children and NOT the choice of words. Like I said earlier it's simply useless to find out whose fault is it and who is the victim over here. A solution is what that is sought. If I say jadugar's wife is at fault what good will it do the problem in question ?
Jadugar I firmly believe and it's in islam also that a wife is a guardian to husband's property / money and she shd atleast take you in confidence when sending money to her family. This will only result in mutual understanding. I am sure u wouldn't have refused her but a shared & mutualy taken decision always give a sense of satisfaction and security to both partners. However, I would again suggest u to not take any decision against your wife , do sabar and Insha Allah will give reward for your sabar.
If you can try to talk out your issues with her. Do not involve family members , take her for a long drive , dont take your kids with u leave them for while with any relative , just you two and have a nice detailed talk. Sort out issues and when they are sorted out don't bring them up again.
Ignore the women on this forum. They couldn't save anything. Firstly yes it is an extreme step. Secondly if I may, I would like to point out that you have unwillingly been whipped. From what I can tell in the posts and by my own assumptions is that you are in most cases the one to bridge the gaps and offer the solutions.
I apologise before hand for what I am to say as after this is your wife. As PCG said time to grow a pair. When a woman realises she can effectively blow you off and just be moody and you will run after her, it gives her too much control over you. I for one would just be just as stubborn as her and teach her a lesson and your wife does need to be taught a lesson. She can not act like a two year old. She has to act like an adult.
So I suggest you just ignore her. Make your own food, order take out and I would highly recommend going out for dinner. Additionally I know you spend time with the kids, but do so more often specifically infront of her. To show that you are ignoring her for her actions.
Yes this is all childish. Yes it is mean and rude. But you have to reestablish dominance in the family and in your relationship.
For now ignore the flight and ticket question. Concentrate on being man of the house again.
So I suggest you just ignore her. Make your own food, order take out and I would highly recommend going out for dinner. Additionally I know you spend time with the kids, but do so more often specifically infront of her. To show that you are ignoring her for her actions.
Yaar, that is exactly what I am doing. During past one week, I made omelet twice, grilled salmon once, baked fish sticks and steamed some veggies once, brought food home 3 times, had dinner out 2 times, had a fine dinner at a Persian restaurant once.
going for a separation or divorce is not a wise decision..
reading your post, i didnt find anything expressing your concern or love for her other than 2 beautiful children.. u have talked money and facilities that you have provided her all the way through.. after every patch-up (after every fite) u must have felt relieved but was there any instance when u tried to find-out the actual reason for going into silence..
as most of ppl have suggested, please dont go for separation as one bad decision may lead to a total mess..
try to show ur concern, care, love as money cant give peace of mind n satisfaction.. inshaAllah Allah jee will find way for you two to come to a more realistic solution.. aameen..
I'd recommend against making a decision is anger - you need to calm your emotions and think about your relationship objectively. Try to answer the following questions for yourself to give you perspective on your relationship:
You've listed reasons why this relationship isn't working - but does your wife have any characteristics that make her a loving and good partner? Why just focus on the negatives?
Do you have any characteristics/issues that wife objects to - actual or perceived by her - and can you or are you willing to change to make your relationship work?
Are you better off without her?
Are your kids better off without her or you?
Can you discuss your relationship with her?
For your legitimate grievances, does she have the capacity and willingness to change?
A relationship cannot succeed without shared values, open and honest communication and the ability to compromise. Do you have this in your relationship or can you and your wife work towards this? Like most others have said, separation is a big step - you owe it to your children, your wife and yourself to try to make the relationship work.
An aside, but within my social circle, it surprised me to see that some couples (and yes I mean both the husband and the wife) make little effort in their first relationship and turn to divorce, only to bend over backwards to make the second relationship work because they don't want to be a two-time relationship failure. Why not make that effort the first time around?
oh yay, the "slave" topic again that people got their knickers in a twist about.
you girls are funny. going by what I read on here if we reversed time and this guy was asking if he should marry a girl from pakistan whom he barely knows and he intends to give her a house for her own income, cars etc etc, you'd all be "SHE'S A CHALAK DESI GOLD DIGGER!!"
You need a marriage counsellor more than you need a desi forum donald trump.