Re: Am I taking a really extreme step?
PCG and Jadugar I think the most important issue here is marriage and children and NOT the choice of words. Like I said earlier it's simply useless to find out whose fault is it and who is the victim over here. A solution is what that is sought. If I say jadugar's wife is at fault what good will it do the problem in question ?
Jadugar I firmly believe and it's in islam also that a wife is a guardian to husband's property / money and she shd atleast take you in confidence when sending money to her family. This will only result in mutual understanding. I am sure u wouldn't have refused her but a shared & mutualy taken decision always give a sense of satisfaction and security to both partners. However, I would again suggest u to not take any decision against your wife , do sabar and Insha Allah will give reward for your sabar.
If you can try to talk out your issues with her. Do not involve family members , take her for a long drive , dont take your kids with u leave them for while with any relative , just you two and have a nice detailed talk. Sort out issues and when they are sorted out don't bring them up again.