I don't think these are exceptions, I think it's COMMON to see age differences actually. Just go to any dawat and see the man going gray and his wife still looking young. Maybe one case here or there is plastic surgery, but not most.
Yeah but you're talking about uncles who are from another generation and when it was common to have huge age differences. I don't think this is true of our generation. Also desi men are notorious for letting themselves go and not taking care of themselves after marriage so the age difference might appear exaggerated because of that. My own dad is only 3 years older than my mom but looks about 12 years older in appearance!
Exactly it depends on what social circle you associate with. All my friends got married at 27 or above to men who were their age or 2-3 years older than them. And then I know some girls who married guys younger than them but not I don't know of any couple where the age difference is huge and a 35 year old guy is demanding a 25 year old. Like I mentioned, maybe it's because we all know different sets of people and I am honestly shocked to see such backwardness amongst desis in the West.
I have no 'beef' with older men marrying younger women and I'm also not saying a 27 year old man should have no qualms marrying a 40 year old woman. There are all sorts of couples out there now. Girls are rejecting guys if the age difference is quite a bit. Girls are rejecting guys if they are not educated. And girls are also rejecting guys if they are not attractive to them. For you to state that a guy can be 40 and get married to a 25 year old easily is disturbing coz it's not true. Guys no longer have a free pass to marry whomever they want without proving anything. I think those situations where a young girl is getting married to a much older guy are the exceptions and for the most part people in the West are actually preferring to settle down with a person who is the same age as them.
You didn't get the point of my posts, which is this: women have long preferred older men, and men have long preferred younger women, and this will likely continue.
You yourself mention that most of your friends married older men, only 2-3 years older, but still older. I'm not suggesting that a 15 year old age difference is the norm, or that it's easy, where are you getting that idea? On the other hand, you don't think a 27 year old woman would seriously consider a proposal from, say an established, attractive 35 year old man? Of course she would. The reverse is likely not going to happen. And that's because of human nature. That was my point.
I agree that people marrying around their age (+/- 5 years) is becoming the norm. However, what I'm saying is that whenever there's a big age difference, it's usually the guy being older, and probably fairly desirable. Why else would a younger woman consider the proposal?
Unfortunatly the reality that exists, in particular in desi cultures is the thought of overpowering women after marriage hence chosing an age gap. However, the advantage with say a 24 years old wife and 35 years husband would be an equal maturity level :)
What does a 40 year old man need to do really? Just prove he makes enough money to afford your Bunto Kazmi joras, and he's in consideration. Maybe if he's got a big fat wart on his face, that may deter some gold diggers, but there WILL be a woman who is willing to put that aside in exchange for security and ability to have kids.
And as long as there are families that are OK with the 10 year difference, these marriages will happen.
I shouldn't even be talking, the guy I'm talking to is 7 years older. Why? Because he is a good person. If I could find someone just as good who is younger, I'd go for it, but it's not in my naseeb I guess, so I am willing to settle.
A guy on the other hand, if faced with a nice girl who is his own age, may not be willing to settle. He may want to keep looking, because he knows that as long as he makes money and doesn't smell like feet, he'll find a younger girl.
It's that simple. And it's unfortunate. If guys were more willing to marry women their own age, then we wouldn't have 35 yr olds feeling doomed to lifelong isolation.
Unfortunatly the reality that exists, in particular in desi cultures is the thought of overpowering women after marriage hence chosing an age gap. However, the advantage with say a 24 years old wife and 35 years husband would be an equal maturity level :)
Well that's a reflection that our men don't become real men until they hit their 30's, which is our fault as a society since we coddle 21 and 22 year olds as if they're still little kids.
Yeah but you're talking about uncles who are from another generation and when it was common to have huge age differences. I don't think this is true of our generation. Also desi men are notorious for letting themselves go and not taking care of themselves after marriage so the age difference might appear exaggerated because of that. My own dad is only 3 years older than my mom but looks about 12 years older in appearance!
It's still happening in that community. Routinely girls are getting married at 19 to guys who are 30.
You didn't get the point of my posts, which is this: women have long preferred older men, and men have long preferred younger women, and this will likely continue.
You yourself mention that most of your friends married older men, only 2-3 years older, but still older. I'm not suggesting that a 15 year old age difference is the norm, or that it's easy, where are you getting that idea? On the other hand, you don't think a 27 year old woman would seriously consider a proposal from, say an established, attractive 35 year old man? Of course she would. The reverse is likely not going to happen. And that's because of human nature. That was my point.
I agree that people marrying around their age (+/- 5 years) is becoming the norm. However, what I'm saying is that whenever there's a big age difference, it's usually the guy being older, and probably fairly desirable. Why else would a younger woman consider the proposal?
I thought we were talking about extreme age differences in the thread and not your regular give or take 2-3 years so my posts were directed towards that. As for women preferring a guy older than them, I would agree because I myself was not willing to settle for a guy younger than me.
And what about the ghettos of desis in America? Like say the populations in Chicago, and New York and Houston? Have you seen some of these people? I was on Devon street in Chicago once, and I've never seen such conservatism in my life. I wonder what those families do with their girls, and how young they're getting married off.
in old days, age difference was a non-issue but in today's time it's a big big issue...i think the difference should be no more than 5 years...the man should be older but NOT more than 5 years! :)
i must look for a 16 year old then! :D
ummm oooook ... so me being married to my husband, who is 8 years older than me, is a big big issue ... got it. Thanks.
nvm the fact that we're totally compatible, that he's my best friend and that we love each other.
ummm oooook ... so me being married to my husband, who is 8 years older than me, is a big big issue ... got it. Thanks.
nvm the fact that we're totally compatible, that he's my best friend and that we love each other.
@OP .. tbh, I feel like age is just a number.
Let's put it this way. Would you guys be married if you were HIS age? I mean the compatibility and love and all would be the same. Do you think if you were 8 years older, he or his family would have inquired about you?
I wasn't talking about Pakistan. I'm in the US and I've never seen a 35 yr old man wanting to marry a 22 yr old girl and if they think of doing so, they are sadly turned down. I don't know what education you're talking about but even in North America, where professional degrees take a considerable amount of time, most guys and girls are done with their education by 27-28.
but im sure you've seen 40 year old men marrying 30 year old women. not saying it's ok or wrong...just pointing out different cultural norms. broaden your horizens.
in old days, age difference was a non-issue but in today's time it's a big big issue...i think the difference should be no more than 5 years...the man should be older but NOT more than 5 years! :)
i must look for a 16 year old then! :D
Based on people I know, I'd say even 4-8 years difference is normal. I know of couples with as much as 15 years difference.