Pakistani women on the other hand retain their modesty no matter what...They wouldn't resort to sex and debauchery to lure a man into a marriage like their western counterparts...Usually the parents are the ones who clinch the deal...I see no desperation in Paki women...
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Dude...my guy friends who married pakistani girls..all the wives came over wearing tighter, skimper clothing than Iwould ever where....no qualms about clothes what so ever.
Roman, I agree with you that guys are under alot of pressure. However, i do think that men have alot more leeway in their life choices than women, thus picking a girl 2 years younger or 10 years whatever they want, is completly exceptable...
I'm 3 years older than hubby....did i know that when we met? I guessed..he found out through a mutual friend 2 weeks later....has it been a problem. Not really. More what we thought the other wanted/where they were in life based on the age difference...once we talked we both realized it wasn't that difft after all.
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*Originally posted by Roman: *
Say you're 30 and marry a 30 years old woman. After 10 years, you'd be 40 and she'd be 40 too. Now that's a bad situation 'cause at the age of 40, you'll find yourself more attractive to a 20 years old girl than your 30 years old hog wife. Plus your 40 years old wife would be fat as hell by then if she'd couple of childeren by then.
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Is it any wonder you're still single? Reread what you wrote, you sound like an absolute pig.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
Romeo, That’s why I said earlier that it is all taking advantage of the situation. In my experience, if there were non-Pakis available in Pakistan, no Pakistani girl in her right mind would want to marry a Paki man. Paki men are looking for younger chicks, and that’s the bottom-line. Why do they not want to marry someone their own age?
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I half agree with you...
Pakistani men have more cultural, social and religious flexibilty to marry out..they can meet and marry women from other culturse easily...pakistani women both in the US, Canada and in Pakistan do not have the same leeway or the opportunity..hence the girls outnumber guys issues. I once went to a discussion regarding asian women and marrying outside the culture at Uni and statistics show that south-asian women (paki and indian) had the lowest rate of out culture marriages in comparison to other asian cultures. There is a reason for this.. but that is another thread.
Pakistani guys I know married younger chicks cuz they want hot wives and they figure she has more years to remain hot, slim and chic. They also mistakenly assume the girl is more innocent and bidable because of her age....friends have mine have married young girls...7-8 years younger who are 20 and have found out their assumption was wrong.
Madhanee, it seems to me that you're essentially a very orthodox person in your approach towards things. You probably learned some libral ideas growing up at a certain age and you're stuck with them. While the ideas about oppression of women evolved from freedom/feminism and then back to focusing on basic things, you're still stuck with what caught up on and refuse to broad your mind according how contemprary men and women feel.
Who said that women don't have choice? You think those younger women in amelie's example didn't have choice? They did. And they did make a decision based on THEIR situation. Would they have made the same decision if there were younger guys available with same kind of security etc? Probably so but POINT remains that guys tend to be more successful and indepedent in their late to early 30's than when they are 24-25 years old. That's to do with demographics plus the fact that more guys these days want to postpone marriage than our fathers' times when the minute guy's turned 20, he's off to marriage with a 15 years old. So younger women look at the pool of guys available who are close to their age and how much financially secure they are (let's just assume that rest of the stuff, looks, family etc are constant among both groups of older and younger guys) and compare that to those of older guys. Then they choose security over age factor. And that's the point you're failing to understand that when a woman chooses security over other factors and the man who offers that security is older than her than HE is not taking advantage of the situation 'cause it's not only he who made a choice or decision.
Trust me, young women are not that naive little chhooee mooee breed that put their heads down and marry off the next guy their parents asked them to. That's where it's obvious that your way of thinking is very orthodox.
Plus...Roman you're ignoring the influence the girls parents have in weeding the proposals...gals only get to meet guys through the rishta process who have jobs. Hence older established guys...
Madhanee one explanation would be the kid bearing age of women. if I am thirty and choose a 40 yr old woman not a lot of evolutionary impact there if she cant have any more kids.
Secondly who does the finances of the house. if the gal wants to do all the heavy lifting sure there would be more options for them to marry younger guys. But if you want a guy to do the heavy lifting then generally he is gonna be older.
And third is the elder/head of household sorta setup in our culture. If you take this out of the equation then definately you will see a lot more older women marrying younger guys.
No one is arguing that your points of men having more options is accurate however the black and white you paint is not.
No they don't. They should just be chained at home, allowed only to cook, clean, bear children, and perhaps go to bathroom once in a while 'cause they don't have any free will and men are monsters and you're one of them.
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*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
Hmcq, women don’t get married to deliver babies. And your points about men doing heavy lifting and being the head of the household are very childish. Why should a man wait to be 40 to marry someone 10-15 year younger? What was he doing when he was in his 20s?
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Well Madhanee lets look at you. How many kids do you have? when did you have them? how old was your wife then? And who does the heavy lifting in the house?
My point is not that women are there to deliver babies but rather they are the only ones who can. Never said a man should wait to be 40 (that would should be obvious based on my other thread on how many kids you get to see if you live the average life time).
This thread is becoming deliciously interesting with all these men discussing the woman's point of view.....!!!
Roman , you are making a lot of sense but you people have got to understand that a pakistani girl at 21 thinks of an average pakistani boy at 21 as a kid.... who knows nothing about nothing. And she is mature enough to want to have a serious relationship (which in pokistan means to get married) yet she will feel closer to a man who is at least more than five years older.
Madhanee is talking about the era that would probably begin for a man at thirty (or may be late twenties) because that is the time when he is getting ready for the same thing... and the way he is trying to put it, it somehow becomes a women's choice then. Well when I am that age , and were not in a relationship already, it would preferably be a thirty years old man rather than a forty years old. And why not?? But definitely not when I am 21..... free choice....!!! Guys are clueless at that age.
I'll write more about people thinking that women in pakistan are desparate to get married and aren't given a free choice... but that would fail to include all classes of pakistani society and it differs for every class and in some cases sects.... and generalisation like you men are trying to make is mere speculation.
[QUOTE] Originally posted by cat-woman: *
I think when the couple is more or less the same age, their relationship is more friendship-based and there is greater understanding. At the same time, there may also be more arguments.
The reason why some mother-in-laws prefer younger bahus is because they are more submissive and would have more respect for an older shohar. I think if this was the case with me, where he was 10 years or more older than me, **I'd automatically have more respect for him and be less inclined to argue and regard his views and opinions as though coming from greater experience.*
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How would you like your hubby telling you "honey you can't make this decision coz you're not as experienced as I am"?
I think those women who are not so confident about making decisions about their life go for guys who are 10 years older than them....I don't see how a 20 year old woman's mind can match with a 30 year old. Some of my friends were married off with guys 8-10 years older but they aren't really happy.
I don't agree with those people who say desi women get old earlier than men. Maybe it was true in the 20th century but now desi women do take care of themselves MORE than men and they look younger. Those who end up with men 10 years older than them make ODD couples. Really. They just don't make any sense!
super_ego, yes it's speculative but it's based on sound reasoning (I mean, I don't live in the mind of a woman contrary to what Thap says).
In case of a 20-22 years old girl who's willing to get married it's most probable that she's fresh out of college and has not started working in terms of a career, or have limited number of years working professionally and may or may not choose to work after marriage (depends on various factors after marriage). For her, stability and security is one of the most crucial factors and not many guys are financially secure/stable at the age of, say, mid to late 20's. And if she's not educated or not willing to work at all then obviously it becomes even more important. This is what our resident hog Madhanee fails to understand and attributes her decision basing on such factors as taking advantage of her on guys's part.
For guys' point of view, younger is better (well, upto a limit of course - that 40/20 was a jibe meant to nip likes of Madhanee). There is some rationality behind it as I mentioned previously but there are also other reasons that are more instinctive than plain simple logic. Call it biological, sexual, whatever but normally the impulse is to choose someone younger. Now it doesn't mean that guys like 18 year olds too. They don't want to play with dolls either (except for BoSS who's an exception). Usually the tendency is to see who's mature enough and young enough. So it's not like they search with a certain number in mind. Usually it's a range of age. Probably just like women.
Just the idea of thinking that when you are finishing high school, your future spouse just enrolled in Pre-K, is preposterous. That’s really disgusting. Yuck.
Actually, in my case my future wife is still a six months unborn in the womb.
^ tell me Madhanee why is this idea preposterous. And since when did people start finishing high school at 12/13.
I am not advocating marrying people that are way off from the other person. But what I was saying is why if two people get along intellecutually and only differ significantly in age it should be an issue. isnt it the same thing as people who get along well but maybe culturally off or may be physically built different?
I mean if I get along well with a person whos 10 years older or younger, why should it bother you, if it does not bother you when I marry a non-desi or have some other physical difference/characteristics from the spouse?
The only reason I can see for the biological difference been an issue is the kids issue.
I don’t have a problem with you marrying anyone, I am just trying to present my view.
Then why the **** do I get bashed exclusively by you every single time I show you a new imported pic of a 20 years old babe from Pakistan haiN? Are you friend or a foe?
I shall stick to my guns.... and say that there is a different rule for every class, sect, race.... and person. I know a couple of pakistani guys who prefered mature women and eventually got married to them and girls do generally go for financially secure guys when they are given free choice AND THIS IS A UNIVERSAL THING. Women still enjoy their independance if he is not a total pig and if it were a horrible arrangement as madhani (with a typical americanised view point about women rights in pakistan) thinks it would be, it would not have been so popular.
And ....
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*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
HMCQ is talking about biological clock, and Romeo is basically saying that he wont mind being referred to as Uncle by his wife’s friends. Chacha Romeo.
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I truly appriciate his GUNS... :D
[QUOTE]
Just the idea of thinking that when you are finishing high school, your future spouse just enrolled in Pre-K, is preposterous. That’s really disgusting. Yuck.
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And what about all the Mills and Boons romances published in the west.... stereotypically fantacising a thirtynine years old man falling for a twenty one years old chick.
Now that is not merely a stray thought. It is appaently a common fantacy... or isn't it??????