Yes, going by same logic, an 18 years old is more appropriate for a 30 years old woman.
Madhanee if sexual desire was the only factor or the biggest factor then why get married? Or by sexual desire you also imply an emotional part?
LP - add a few decades :p
Roman - True you may find the 20 yrs old more attractive when you are 40. However are you not likely to also find them uncommunicatable to? The transformation between highschool college and work life are so dramatic from all my experiences in maturing a person that its hard to go for a difference that great!
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by super_ego: *
Women are far maturer at a younger age than men till they reach thirty. Then women become a bit too mature and know their life and plans inside out because mentally they are so settled.
Men at thirty have just learned to deal with reality. Life kindda begins for them. I guess that the mentle age of a man at thirty pretty much correlates with an average girl at 21-23.
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100% true...women are not only able to deal with life but emotions as well..they can face them and act on them while men push it under the rug..to afraid to deal with it..
ok Enough bashing men and not been mature. In each situation men and women react somewhat differently because of their make up. Yes women are more emotional and soft and etc and thats great when they are talking to kids or dealing with social situations which tend to be better suited to such stuff. However, there are also times when men are better off say when they are talking to a car salesman or an aggressive situation. Also i find that women (especially the married versions) would rather pass on their responsibilities unlike the men.
In general my defn of mature was taking responsibility and been intellectually capable of understanding situations
this age difference thing can not be blamed 100% on the men getting married. I suppose there are those who want young ones, I know someone who married someone barely 18 when he was 33. there is no compatibility, but he wanted eye candy and he got it...so yes there are cases like that around.
But then look at how marriages take place in the society..u have what is referred to as love marriages, which are a minority, and then two other groups..completely arranged i.e. parents ell their kids who they will marry..stuill goes on, or where its arranged with the bride and groom having a decision, teh family almost serves teh role of searching and filtering from candidates to find the ones they think would work.
now..lets see..what is the age that desi parents usually start getting anxious for their daughters..some say the day they are born..but all joking aside...19-20..21? basically early 20's right..
now what are the parents looking for..someone who is 'established" i.e. finshed education, is working, basically someone who can provide for their daughter.. often looking for dcotors, MBAs, engineers... and automatically they are looking for someone who is a number of years older than their daughter right? there are not too many 'establihsed" doctors, MBAs, engineers etc who are 21-22 :) I mean doogie Hauser was an exception..
thats another big reason for age differences.
Roman - True you may find the 20 yrs old more attractive when you are 40. However are you not likely to also find them uncommunicatable to? The transformation between highschool college and work life are so dramatic from all my experiences in maturing a person that its hard to go for a difference that great!
Actually, I've found younger woman to be more easy going, less picky, and more lively. I've seen older woman to be more uptight, rigid, and uncompromising. Theoratically what you're saying may seem logical but all the recent practical examples I've seen with my friends, it's actually quite the opposite. As a matter of fact, one of my very close friends recently gave me his "insight into practical" life after he got married to someone who's younger than him (10-12 years age difference). They are very happy and compatible and romance is great. He was the last person in the world that I ever expected would give me advice to marry someone younger (early 20's). I spent some time with both miaN biwi and found out some clear reasons for their happy marriage.
The guy is old enough that he doesn't want to give up vagabond sort of lifestyle/attitude of his that he's been used to since his teens. So for him, anyone who could put up with his lifestyle and actually become a part of it and enjoy it was the key for a happy marriage. All other factors came secondary. For girl, being in a relationship with him was all that she wanted. She didn't have any long list of characteristics/criteria that women usually develop over the years as they grow older. Both miaN biwi are the most awara gard couple I've ever seen in my life and they are loving every single moment of it. Few years from now down the road they'll both ease down a bit and perhaps my friend's wife would want to have a more stable and settled life. I do not think my friend would have any problem with that at all. After all, all these years she's been tagging along with him more than he's and when it'd come to her turn, he'd do the same.
Moral of the story: From a man's perspective, it's more desirable to marry someone who'd adjust more to his lifestyle than he's to her. And given the fact that both men and women become pickier and more rigid/settled in their outlook towards life as they grow older, you do the math.
Madhanee, this whole "growing old together" is a pretty romantic novelistic sort of crap that looks good only on the screen and in the books. Don't try that at home.
Roman, I think you can have your cake adn stick it up your butt too.
marry someone who you can discuss worldly affairs with, enjoy the same taste in music, art , culture, kids, etc..
then have a communal mistress no older than 23, prefereably a russian model with two of your best married friends. Now this is what I call time share....
You think paki girls are desperate? Think again, no paki girl, desi born and bred would look at a 40yr old balding desperate loser twice. And you are presuming that desi girls aren't well educated, What do you think they do between cook and cleaning? If you kept it clean and thought long and hard, and came up with read-a-lot then you'd be correct.
I propose that you take a well due visit "back home". However I'm not denying that you'll find a desperate bundle in every bag
I think it's the western girls who are desperate...And the more desperate they become, the more nangi they become in the hopes perhaps sex can lure a man into marriage...
Why do you think all the desis who marry white women marry those white woman that no self respecting man would approach...
Fat, probably with kids, no job, member of AA and what not and usually having been 'around' a lot especially in their teens...Then after going nowhere, they lure desi men with the promise of promiscuity and desi men fall head over heels in love with them...Then after they are married the women sit on the guys head...
Pakistani women on the other hand retain their modesty no matter what...They wouldn't resort to sex and debauchery to lure a man into a marriage like their western counterparts...Usually the parents are the ones who clinch the deal...I see no desperation in Paki women...
If you are talking about a 'good' husband, then as with all things, people wish to have the best...Don't confuse that with desperation...First come, first get kinda deal...
As for early marriages for girls (Earlier than men), I am all for it...
For men, it's no more than taking advantage of the situation
Let me break this to you. Your notion of "girls or their families are desperate and all the guys in Pakistan are crap" is pretty old. May be last time you talked to a 20 something woman in Pakistan was in 70's. Wake up call: It's not 70's anymore. I actually know women in that age group who out of their free will want somebody more mature than guys with couple of years of age difference. Go figure.
Secondly, for the cases (and yes there are such cases too) where the family of the girl is poor, they have about 6 daughters piled up all unmarried, think about this: Scenario number one is that they marry off their daughter #6 with someone who's 10 years older than her but is stable and settled. Or scenario number two they don't. The same daughter #6 ten years later would be 30 something remained unmarried. Now if they find someone who's say 2-3 years older than her when she was 20 something then that's all well and good but if that doesn't happen, tell ya, it's a lot of pressure on woman and her family (unfortunately that's how the society is) so this whole crap about taking advantage is out of jahiliyat and not practical. 'Cause at the age of beyond 30, the same woman will get even a ****ier deal (again, it's unfortunate but still the reality of the matter).
You see, your crapy assumption is that all guys want to "buy off" a younger wife. While this happens, and is quite pathetic way of getting married, and I do personally know such cases where it has happened, and is a ch******* practice, it is not what we are talking about here in terms of age difference. There could be very valid and reasonable reasons for guys to marry a younger wife and that has nothing to do with "buying off" or getting married to an eye candy just 'cause he's in an advantageous financial position. You've to seperate the cases.
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*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
Lajo..think outside of vagina man. Go get some fresh air.
Romeo, what advantages do the younger women have to offer? It’s all looking at it from a male chauvinistic point of view.
In Pakistan, it is not like that where a woman is going hubby shopping like the men do. I don't know which Pakistan you are talking about.
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I can't help thinking about you Madhu...
But the fact remains, your argument holds as much weight as a sock holds water...Speaking of socks, could you step here a moment?
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*Originally posted by Lajawab: *
I think it's the western girls who are desperate...And the more desperate they become, the more nangi they become in the hopes perhaps sex can lure a man into marriage...
Why do you think all the desis who marry white women marry those white woman that no self respecting man would approach...
Fat, probably with kids, no job, member of AA and what not and usually having been 'around' a lot especially in their teens...Then after going nowhere, they lure desi men with the promise of promiscuity and desi men fall head over heels in love with them...Then after they are married the women sit on the guys head...
Pakistani women on the other hand retain their modesty no matter what...They wouldn't resort to sex and debauchery to lure a man into a marriage like their western counterparts...Usually the parents are the ones who clinch the deal...I see no desperation in Paki women...
If you are talking about a 'good' husband, then as with all things, people wish to have the best...Don't confuse that with desperation...First come, first get kinda deal...
As for early marriages for girls (Earlier than men), I am all for it...
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I was wondering what to quote, but alas it's all crap.
You think western girls are more desperate? I think not, I also think you need to mingle more with the western sex, I doubt they all want you for your body.
And I can also guarantee you the fact that there are plenty of red-blooded white anglo saxon males for them to sink their teeth into without and before resorting to 3rd class goods ( ie, deperate desi men ). And as for sitting on the guys "heads" these are women not hens, and the men are men and not freekin eggs. As for being a member of the AA, at least they won't ever be stranded, I'm guessing the AA provides more security than a man.
You see no desperate-ing in desi women? There are a bundle in every bag, like I said, and a younger woman who marries a much older man casue shes worried she can't do better....theres desperate right there. What about the "marrage" culture where a girl is groomed for marrage her whole life. I'm also guessing that'd make a girl pretty damn desperate.
There is also plenty of ba-hayaei in all cultures, but for you to put desi women on a pedestel is wrong. I'm guessing you also believe women need to be kept ( or chained as a last resort) at home.
What is wrong with not stereotyping, and marrying someone who you can see as your equal and NOT someone who you look down on.
Way I see it marrage is an equal partnership, which you can not have if one of the partners is seen as more "superior" to the other. Bit of an oxymoron right there.
But then it may depend on what you want out of marrage.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Madhanee: *
Lajo..think outside of vagina man. Go get some fresh air.
Romeo, what advantages do the younger women have to offer? It’s all looking at it from a male chauvinistic point of view.
In Pakistan, it is not like that where a woman is going hubby shopping like the men do. I don't know which Pakistan you are talking about.
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Madhanee, I gave you my friend's example. They both are very happy. Similiarly, it's more risky for women in older age to bear children. For someone who doesn't want children right away after the marriage but want to wait few more years the choice is clearer.
Secondly, given that the girl is willing out of her free will, and the guy is willing out of his free will then what's your problem? Again we are looking at scenarios based on age differences GIVEN all other things considered. Meaning girl is not being forced into it, or guy is not being forced into it either. I still don't understand how it's chauvinistic?
If the ‘younger’ girl has a choice to pick from 2 equally qualified (in a sense of overall package and not just the academic qualification) men, one is close to her age, and the other 10 year older. Which one will make more sense for her?
I don't know. I'm not a girl, nor I'm of that age. But the point remains that as long as she's not forced into picking a particular one is what matters. Be it a 40 years old or 20 years old (example: Imran Khan). Your argument is that women of that age will always pick someone close to their age and that's what better for them and my argument is that it's not necessarily true. Like I said, I've seen many 20 something girls opting for a 30 something guy than someone couple of years older than them. Women mostly go for security and care. Or at least that's what I've been told by women. So there.
So girls don’t have as much a choice and that’s a pretty sad picture.
I do agree with the sentiment that girls should have equal choice. But reality of life is different though. Life is not fair and the principle applies to everyone. We are all at the short end of the stick for one thing or the other. But you cannot apply an idealistic solution to a real problem. You have to make choices or decisions based on what've you got.
That's why they say, you can't always get what you want but you get what you need.
Girls dont have as much choice as guys in our society - fine
However, as roman said, if the two people are perfect for each other in the key issues they are seeking then why is society bothered? I would say age is a much less significant issue then how the two people compare culturally.
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*Originally posted by hiccup: *
You think paki girls are desperate? Think again, no paki girl, desi born and bred would look at a 40yr old balding desperate loser twice.
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a dark chubby paki girl from a not loaded background and reaching her mid twenties in Pakistan would...and many others who dont share her "misfortunes" (per desi standards) such is our culture..
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by hiccup: *
the western sex, .
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huh?
Madhanee, you're totally out of this world. You think women don't do that? You think women don't try to exploit the situation given a chance? It's not as deep as you're trying to make it out to be. It's a simple fact for everyone have more comforts. Why take more pain if you can get less pain? How's that chauvinistic? There is a natural conflict among two people of the same age. Like I said, both men and women become pickier and more controlling as they grow older. Now, if a guy doesn't want to deal with the chik chik of everyday tu tu meiN meiN then how's that bad?
Madhanee, all you're doing is behas brayay behas. You kiddin'? Non-Paki men (Americans for example) are more into younger chicks than Paki men. Do a google search on Teen porno sites or babysitter fantacies and you'd know.
Paki men have a lot of pressure on them too. Society expects them to start earning and get settled down at a certain age. Paki men are not these self-serving, self-sustaing monsters that want to buy-off ten years younger girls. But society puts a pressure on them to get married. Haalankay guys have a tendency to postpone it as much as possible and deal with responsibilities later. But if they don't have a choice, the best they can do is marry someone younger so that they don't have to worry about responsibilities (having children etc) right away.
Secondly, no one is stopping older women to "take advantage" and marry off younger guys if they are in a position. I'd say go for it.
Even in US men mail order brides from third counteries. Is that taking advantage of the situation? No. Those women want to spend a prosperous better lives and want to get out of the slums of third world coutry they are living in. So their choice is based on security than age or any other factor. And just because men can offer it doesn't mean they are taking "advantage". Heck, if they won't offer their financial security and better life, those women will remain living under poor conditions STILL yearning to come to America. Doesn't do anyone any good, or does it?