Everybody seems to have accepted the principle that people are entitled to marry by mutual consent whoever they wish...irrespective of the age difference.
Some people are saying that women should not be forced into marriages with older guys. Nobody here is supporting forced marriages. Consent of women is required in Islam anyway.
In western societies where individuals marry without any input from their families...many women still date older guys. I don't think age is an issue...otherwise why would so many women freely marry older guys. It might not be right for you...but you cannot say that it is wrong for everyone else due to this fact.
In this day and age I doubt that there are many men that are virgins at the age of 25, particularly in western societies...I may be wrong but that is my personal view. If you are not campatible with your partner then you should not marry that person...irrespective of the age difference. Everybody needs to work on their relationship irrespective of the age difference. Some people are trying very hard to justify their reasoning.
hey...i am truly very surprised upon the guys' approach towards this issue of having huge age difference because up till now, i used to think that today's young men's thinking have been changed ,specially of those who are born and/or reared up out of Pakistan.. but ithink the ignorance still lingers on to their little minds......so , i think this concludes this issue that men DO like to marry a much younger girl while girls want to marry men who are closer to their own age, not a man who is the same age as their father or even much worse, their grandfather!
i am confused why people are cmoing up with the words like MATURE DECENT this and that when they are refering to a 48 years old banda...who said that maturity and decency come with age? are you all trying to say that one should marry the oldest man she can find out there since the comparatively younger ones are not "DECENT" and "MATURE" and hence not "TRUSTWORTHY"???????
Look at the facts. We should all adopt this trend. Right !!!!
An age difference of 15 year plus is absolutely fine in this age and time.
it is fine! my point though is that...is it acceptable if its hte other way around. 15 yr old married to a 32 yr old in this country would be illegal, maybe even by international standards, and i think Pakistan signed on to the CEDAW or something to that effect, where by int' l law i think girls have to be 16! so anyway, this 32 yr old is a totall! pervert! absolute pervert no other way about it!!
as for the rest, we are old enough to make our own decisions to some extent after 18 or so....so after that i might think its gross but i think it okay!
I am sensingu are not okay with the age gap! which i appreciate if that is the case, b/c i think 8 is max otherwise ppl should really really be trepiditious and think a few times...
but my point also is....would it be okay to those ppl responding on this thread...if a 32 yr old women were to marry a 24 yr old guy? is that okay?
u know what this shows besides your narrow-mindedness and ignorance. It shows how insecure you are! did women mistreat you, maybe u were not close enough to your father, maybe boys teased you, well whatever your shortcoming are...and by virtue of this statement you have short-comings!!!!! this statement reflects that!!!
it is soooo clear to me when men marry women half thier age or much younger then me...it is so clear they are either backwards, ill-bred/ ignorant or they are insecure.
In my experience any guy marrying a gril half his age - where that age was a plus factor in his decision totally insecure/ ignorant!
Its also a matter of status...it shows you to be one of a lower status.
now dont get me wrong i have cousin who married a guy almost 10 yrs older then her, actually more then 10...but i think in that case...though i know the guy is a bit insecure..he is always attempting to impress us with his knowledge...but in his case...age was def. more of a negative factor...in other words when u take everything into consideration you dont put girl more then 10 yrs younger on the positive side but rather on the negative side of the list!
I think a sign of progressiveness is either marrying a women about your age ... so that educated modern people around you dont look at your like you are a pervert....!!!!!
and ofcourse as we all know where i stand on women marrying younger!!! All women should aspire to marry younger. our prophet did it!!! and that was the only wife he had a child with. I think if women start marrying younger guys and that becomes a popular trend, and it becomes common practice ..like society is completely okay and comfortable with women with younger guys...only then can age become completely irelevant!
Some people are saying that women should not be forced into marriages with older guys. Nobody here is supporting forced marriages. Consent of women is required in Islam anyway.
In western societies where individuals marry without any input from their families...many women still date older guys. I don't think age is an issue...otherwise why would so many women freely marry older guys. It might not be right for you...but you cannot say that it is wrong for everyone else due to this fact.
In this day and age I doubt that there are many men that are virgins at the age of 25, particularly in western societies...I may be wrong but that is my personal view. If you are not campatible with your partner then you should not marry that person...irrespective of the age difference. Everybody needs to work on their relationship irrespective of the age difference. Some people are trying very hard to justify their reasoning.
arshad its not about women's individual choice. Its about society. Society, and specifically pakistani society promotes the idea of an older man marrying a younger women. I have seen women wal around telling other about how young a bride they bought from pakistan! i am just saying...that if we raise our men to think that it is right (not only but also good) to marry younger women..it degrades the women! it says men should be smarter then the women, the man should be like her dad! her guide! how gross i that..it encourages the notion that a women should follow her father's rules and then her husbands! ick!!!
i am just saying! its gross! backwards!!! i know u think consent is all...but i dont think you should discount societial pressure!!!
anyway, if you are a male with a wife half your age...u better believe it behind your back ppl are thinking backwards! close-minded etc! u can refuse to see it, doesnt make it less true!
our parents are from a different generation where 12 yr olds were marrying 30 yr olds! and so to them its respectable for hte man to marry a supple, women half his age - she will bear him lots of kids!!
butin this society..if you want your children to not be teased! if you want ot be able to take your wife to social gatherings amongst educated, liberal, open-minded progressive ppl, believe me.....in todays age, say and feel whatever you will! a wife half a man's age + 5 will not bring you "honor" quite the contrary!!!
If i had to tell others yea my dad twice the age of my mom when they married, i would either not tell ppl, or talk about it in a negative light and indicate to ppl how things have changed.....or be defensive and talk about it like well back then, there was social pressure, they were in love, or whatever....but i would not be proud of it!
i am saying this now...and i am not even a teen! so imagine what will happen in a few yrs to your children if you marry a woman half your age!
right on lahore! i agree....i am curious though i have a question which study suggests that women physically mature earlier then men!? I am asking b/c i am curious...i have heard this, and just wanted to read up on it.
and to the person whose post lahore quoted here:
Also, umm..women live longer then men!!! duh to the genius who said women should marry older men! then women would have to live by themselves!!! a lot longer!!!!! b/c they married a man who is older! clearly nature wants women to marry younegr so this way the men and women expire about the same time!!!
also again let me remind you of our prophet!! are u saying our prophet is sick for marrying a women (who was the only women he had a child with) who was much older then him!!!
i feel what Lahore meant by saying that the standard of an older man marrying a younger woman, is bad in the context of today's set up is this: that now a days, the reasons why older men marry or look to marry younger women are not as noble as the case would have been, i am sure, when Prophet Mohammed accepted Prophetess Khadija's proposal. she liked her honesty. he must have been one genuine pious gentleman.
as to why now a days, men prefer to marry younger women, is not a secret - they like to have fresh innocent bodies along their sides. or if the purposes are something else, it is but to the best of their own knowledge.
to answer back ur query or comment, i think that no one, u or me, would like to have a guy next to us, for the rest of our lives, who is 15 + our age.
generation gap with the next generation is in itself a huge abnormality especially on a population level drastic change from life span aspect.
such couple, by and large have women forced into or coerced into marrying older men, because they are 'deemed' rich enough to support a younger woman.
wouldn’t it be nice, that the two spouses were compatible, & grew together at about the same level, give or take a year in age difference?
& that is so sad. women never get to have a chance to make that much richness, by being fairly given the extra 15 + years of establishing themselves that their older counterparts got to have, that is why we have the disparities & the anomalies, so it is not the custom, but the personal choice in this matter which ideally should take precedence for on it, depends two lives’ mutual happiness .
dushi
and to the person whose post lahore quoted here:
Also, umm..women live longer then men!!! duh to the genius who said women should marry older men! then women would have to live by themselves!!! a lot longer!!!!! b/c they married a man who is older! clearly nature wants women to marry younegr so this way the men and women expire about the same time!!!
also again let me remind you of our prophet!! are u saying our prophet is sick for marrying a women (who was the only women he had a child with) who was much older then him!!!
no i really just meant you misred my post b/c see i was only just agreeing with lahore's comments (i know this is rare) so when u said "no farwah" and so on...i was just saying...u musta misread!
oh well it doesnt matter...we can discuss via PM/ off thread- record if u like.
Perhaps they have daddy issues or maybe the want a sugar daddy. Is it wrong for them to make their own choices? I believe in freedom of choice. I don’t think that anybody has the right to criticise other people for their choices. If you have the right to criticise then others have the right to criticise your life and choices as well. I don’t think it is right to interfere in others business and private affairs.
i am just saying! its gross! backwards!!! i know u think consent is all...but i dont think you should discount societial pressure!!!
anyway, if you are a male with a wife half your age...u better believe it behind your back ppl are thinking backwards! close-minded etc! u can refuse to see it, doesnt make it less true!
our parents are from a different generation where 12 yr olds were marrying 30 yr olds! and so to them its respectable for hte man to marry a supple, women half his age - she will bear him lots of kids!!
butin this society..if you want your children to not be teased! if you want ot be able to take your wife to social gatherings amongst educated, liberal, open-minded progressive ppl, believe me.....in todays age, say and feel whatever you will! a wife half a man's age + 5 will not bring you "honor" quite the contrary!!!
If i had to tell others yea my dad twice the age of my mom when they married, i would either not tell ppl, or talk about it in a negative light and indicate to ppl how things have changed.....or be defensive and talk about it like well back then, there was social pressure, they were in love, or whatever....but i would not be proud of it!
i am saying this now...and i am not even a teen! so imagine what will happen in a few yrs to your children if you marry a woman half your age!
I believe that freedom of choice is everything providing no Islamic laws are broken.
If you are in a social gathering amongst educated, liberal, open-minded, progressive people as you suggest then why should they not accept the fact that two consenting adults have decided to marry each other out of their own free will.
I don't agree that women who marry older guys are degraded.
Most people will marry someone of their own age or someone a few years older anyway....Its not usual to get 25 years age difference...but it does happen from time to time. There is pressure on women to marry early....most women beyond a certain age will be married anyway...so if a guy delays getting married and then decides to get married he will find that most of the women available are younger than him anyway. Or if someone gets divorced and wants to remarry they will find that most of the women that are available are younger again.
In western societies where the pressures do not exist..women still prefer to marry older guys. I cannot pretend to know why women marry older guys....perhaps the reasons are security...experience...maturity...men that know what they want it life. However it is their life and their choice. I cannot ask you to wear mini skirt just to satisfy me...neither can I tell someone what type of person to marry...just becuase of my wishes.
Thanks Dush.
I am think my response is quite clear as you elaborated on which I agree to.
However, I cannot understand what is Farwah's point.
i feel what Lahore meant by saying that the standard of an older man marrying a younger woman, is bad in the context of today's set up is this: that now a days, the reasons why older men marry or look to marry younger women are not as noble as the case would have been, i am sure, when Prophet Mohammed accepted Prophetess Khadija's proposal. she liked her honesty. he must have been one genuine pious gentleman.
as to why now a days, men prefer to marry younger women, is not a secret - they like to have fresh innocent bodies along their sides. or if the purposes are something else, it is but to the best of their own knowledge.
to answer back ur query or comment, i think that no one, u or me, would like to have a guy next to us, for the rest of our lives, who is 15 + our age.
generation gap with the next generation is in itself a huge abnormality especially on a population level drastic change from life span aspect.
such couple, by and large have women forced into or coerced into marrying older men, because they are 'deemed' rich enough to support a younger woman.
wouldn’t it be nice, that the two spouses were compatible, & grew together at about the same level, give or take a year in age difference?
& that is so sad. women never get to have a chance to make that much richness, by being fairly given the extra 15 + years of establishing themselves that their older counterparts got to have, that is why we have the disparities & the anomalies, so it is not the custom, but the personal choice in this matter which ideally should take precedence for on it, depends two lives’ mutual happiness .
If you are in a social gathering amongst educated, liberal, open-minded, progressive people as you suggest then why should they not accept the fact that two consenting adults have decided to marry each other out of their own free will.
s.
again arshad i am not taking odds with two consenting adults in out society marrying each other at whatever age!
what i m taking odds with is..something that u made of as well...social presure on women, to marry early. this notion that they expire.....it is very much a part of our society! and i think it has something to do with the fact that men are allowed to marry younger women...so as the pool of women grows for men as they get older, it becomes smaller for women as they get older..b/c women can only marry older! and men can marry younger!
i think if women start marrying younger! i am not saying that age should be the only factor one should consider...but if women start to put that on thier list of positive (i.e. guy younger then me) and start to put guy much older then me as a negative.... i am not saying those things should be exclusive. ofcourse sometimes u dont choose who u fall in love with, or sometimes other good things about he guy are so over-whelming that age is irrelevant! but what i am saying just to break cultural stereo-types if women started demanding that the guy they marry not be older, infact be younger! i can garuntee that within one generation we will have a women's rights oriented culture where women will be able to do the same things as men ine life...where parents will not think twice (and i know and have seen parents do this) about sending their daughters for higher education b/c they are afraid they will have less suitors!! i am just saying i see how things are find and dandy for u as a male, our culture is not fair to the women!
i dont hink we need to compare ourselves to western culture, nor do we need to compete or follow in thier footsteps. We can make our own new path!
i am only trying to make you understand! i agree no doubt, when in love, and in a truly progressive society age would be irrelevant, and i hope tha tone day truly it will. but for now its like...affirmative action if you will! ideally color of your skin should not matter, but when we know that society is discriminatory (against black ppl), then color of the skin to benefit a vulnerable minority (black) whose rights are violated is okay. i.e. reverse discrimination to level the playing field is okay, infact necessary!! u need to make sure that ppl hire a certain number of colored ppl (brown/ black) and maybe thats reverse discrimination but its necessary b/c although u would like color of skin to be irrelevant we all know that are society is bigoted and hence unless that law is in place...that black/ brown ppl will not be hired!!
anyway, if u dont want to see it ..u wil not!
i still recommend that all educated women should make an effort to marry younger guys!
and men who marry half ther age should really consider the consequences...only b/c it will have disparate effects on your lives..its like marrying your cousin. sure if you are in love etc its okay...but u must bear in mind, that in the future u maybe around ppl who think differently and may judge u on that alone...and even judge your children!
things like htis must be born in mind! i know i can not look past them!