Forget about the Pakistani culture and arranged marriages.
I am sure that I read somewhere from government statistics that the average age difference in a couple is about 6 years i.e a male is 6 years older on average in a relationship than a female. As far as life expectancy is concerned I am sure that there is a few years gap between male and females anyway. In an ideal world I think men and women should be of an equal age. However I think it is a matter for personal choice. I think 25 years age difference between a couple is great but having said that just today I have come across an Irish gentleman and a white south african lady that are moving into a property together and planning on getting married. The gentleman is in the process of getting divorced and has moved out of the marital home.
two ppl who do it out of choice is one thing.. but when its an arranged thing, making young grlz marry old old guys, its just disgusting..
heres a reverse and equally sad story--my phupho met this woman on the train, she asked her abt her son and she said thats not my son, thats my husband..and that her parents made her marry her cousin who was 15 yrs younger htan her, coz her parents dint want the family property to go anywhere.she was like, she knows her husband will be having affairs coz shes so old and he's still young, her entire life was wasted away, she cant even have kids anymore.. its pretty sad and despicable..
A ha, this is a fashion in USA and countries like this and age difference of more than 15 years is quite normal.
I just stated the facts around me. Didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Here is a fourth friend of mine who's brother is 39 and is marrying a 22 year old chick..... I don't know where the world is heading to. The girl has been asked her opinion and she doesn't find anything worng with such a huge age difference.
pathetic chicken will die his own horrible guilt-ridden death.
it is a societal amorality as well as an individual dishonesty problem.
I just stated the facts around me. Didn't mean to hurt anyone.
Here is a fourth friend of mine who's brother is 39 and is marrying a 22 year old chick..... I don't know where the world is heading to. The girl has been asked her opinion and she doesn't find anything worng with such a huge age difference.
In our college, one of the associate professors who was 39 and just came back from England married a class fellow of mine who herself seduced this guy at an age of 22. She used to call him "father like" and then did not feel shame in marrying him.
Another Staff of my college at age 40 (another one returning from England) married another vlass fellow of mine who was 22 again. Just before our final exams, she gave birth to a baby girl and delayed her exams. Shortly, it came out that the man was already married to a gori lady in England who contacted the family after hearing this all. Now this Pakistani girl, young lady's parents demanded separation and this girl was divorced at an age of 23.
well, these facts give me a nauseating and disgusting feelings too.
the problem is that the materialistic society has affected both genders and they both think of marriage in terms of material benefits. For men it is a young girl they are getting and for the women, the apparant surity that they will not face any problems with an older guys and that their lives will be smooth.
The society on the other hands olso teaches materialism. For a woman, the criteria is physical beauty and for man, how much is he earning.
So if these are the criteria, then yes, 15 years and more age difference is not wrong at all.
hmm…is hussain going to come back and comment on whether or not this young man is “brain infected” and “sex hungry”. Or is it going to be okay if the guy has to look elsewhere for satisfaction?
In between these two extremes, there is a huge ratio of women that just want a partner to share and explore with. A companion that will walk beside them, not ahead of them to face the challenges of life. Someone that will look at the world and see things the same way....someone that will have first time experiences with her, etc., etc.
what "exactly" is there to share and explore which a couple with age difference cannot do with their partners??
I think you are just too wordy here.... "Challenges of life"??.. Ok!!...whats wrong in getting guidance from someone anyways? Or what's wrong in not even facing "challenges of life". no body wish to go through the hard ships of life.. i wonder if you Do...hmm..
Does the couple with 'No age difference' look and see the things exactly the same way?? Nope, its all about understanding and respecting your spouse.. difference of age has nothing to do with it.
"someone that will have first time experiences with her, etc., etc".. what do you mean?? ... you mean whatever he do or see with her would have been his 2nd 3rd fourth time experience?
someone said there is potential of the spouse to die and leave his widow quite young or watever... I wonder where on the earth this person is living?? have they not seen hundred and thousands of spouses dies in their early ages ..like in their 40's or even 30's due to heart stroke or accidents or watever..... would you guarantee that your life partner is bound to live till his 80's or 90's??.. Nope...Life and death is Only in Allah's hand
on a back of your mind you are simply trying to condemn "Forced Marriages".. Not the marriages with mutual agreement ..be they are "with age difference" or "without age difference".
Okay…I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to be blunt about it…but if that’s what it takes…
Can you tell me that a man aged 45 would be a virgin as his 25 year old potential bride is likely to be? So first and to some people, foremost, there is that issue to deal with.
Sex is something that new couples “share and explore” together. While I am not a proponent of the belief that both parties need to be pure, I respect the beliefs of those that feel this is an important characteristic…and trust me, there are many.
And I think you see life through rose coloured glasses. Every life has challenges. Show me one that doesn’t and I’ll show you someone that is not in touch with reality. Nobody wishes to go through hardships and I certainly hope that they don’t have to, but fact is, we all face at least one or two hurdles of different variety.
There is nothing wrong in getting guidance. Some prefer to have that lifestyle.
There is also nothing wrong in struggling through the challenges together…having parents to guide us.
If you study behavioural sciences, you will find that it is inherent nature for some folks to ignore guidance and make their own mistakes. For these types of individuals, a mature spouse would be a recipe for disaster in the relationship.
If you want to get personal, we can go there.
Lemme know.
No two people look and see things exactly the same way. That is not what I have said.
What I am saying is that age causes many differences in approach that wouldn’t be faced if the couple is closer to each other in age.
With age comes change in personality, growth, hopefully maturity, moderation, a mellowing.
Let me give you a few very generalized examples…
A 25 year old will love to go to a theme park while a 45 year old might appreciate an evening at a Jazz bar.
A 25 year old may want to dance all night while the 45 year old is probably ready to pack it in at 2 am.
A 25 year old may prefer to dress differently than her 45 year old hubby would want her to.
I could go on…
While these examples may sound petty and insignificant when written out, you will come to know that it’s the little things that cause the greatest divides.
Understanding and respect is expected in any relationship, regardless of age difference. I believe we can agree on that much.
Everything is in Allah’s hands. But Allah does tell you to use the brain that He has given to you. He teaches us to reason…to follow the rules that He has shown us…to break those rules when necessary.
If you know that there is a certain risk or danger in something, you are wise to consider other options instead of blindly declaring that everything is in Allah’s hands. It is an obligation to Allah to use our intelligence.
No…I am not.
I don’t have much difficulty in expressing myself, so if I was trying to argue against forced marriages, I would have done so at the onset. But thanks for trying to reach into my subconscience.
I am making a point.
I am arguing a side so that anyone considering such a relationship would evaluate all the factors before making a decision.
I am planting some seeds. Hoping that there will not be too many parents in the future that will think marrying their 22 year old daughter to a man 15 years her senior is okay simply because he is earning well.
i hope there are good men, chaste out there, still.
a man acknowledging this and other similar cruelities as bad, is a good thing.
Another Staff of my college at age 40 (another one returning from England) married another vlass fellow of mine who was 22 again. Just before our final exams, she gave birth to a baby girl and delayed her exams. Shortly, it came out that the man was already married to a gori lady in England who contacted the family after hearing this all. Now this Pakistani girl, young lady's parents demanded separation and this girl was divorced at an age of 23.
well, these facts give me a nauseating and disgusting feelings too.
the problem is that the materialistic society has affected both genders and they both think of marriage in terms of material benefits. For men it is a young girl they are getting and for the women, the apparant surity that they will not face any problems with an older guys and that their lives will be smooth.
The society on the other hands olso teaches materialism. For a woman, the criteria is physical beauty and for man, how much is he earning.
So if these are the criteria, then yes, 15 years and more age difference is not wrong at all.
some people asked that what is such a big deal about having a marriage in which there is is huge age difference and what difference is it going to make because you have to get t understand each other anyway...
well, l0ok at this way. a 23 old girl is young so very highly likely to be vivacious, gregarious, outgoing, and bubbly where a 48 years old banda is at the age where he has already started to calm and mellow down...so the girl just cannot open up herself, as she should and could with a person closer to her own age, to that 48 years old...
he would be like a father-figure to her and what could be more disgusting than seeing urself with a person who is like a father to you...how can one give away herself to a person you are not comfortable with...
plus, i find it totally disgusting on that 48 years old jerk that first he decided to have his first marriage this late and then he "HAD" to get a larki who is this young...he is a typical pakistani maulvi and if you are such follower of islam, why he almost ruined that girl's life? why you just didn't get married to a ladyy who was closer to your own age...
well i think that well age difference is basically up 2 the ppl hu are gettin married but personally i think that abt 10 yeas is enuff.. tho different ppl av different opinions... i knw a gurl who's 20 n the guyz 18 . i think that kinda of sik.. coz well i personally think that women mature much quicker than men so if the man's still young then wouldn't that kind of makin him a kid.
Can you tell me that a man aged 45 would be a virgin as his 25 year old potential bride is likely to be? ...Sex is something that new couples "share and explore" together
If someone knows what chastity means to him then he will keep himself clean from all immoralities regardless of his age. It doesn’t mean that unmarried man goes nuts after certain age . Can you tell me a man aged 26 would be a virgin for sure? I heard Men became highly sexually active after 16-17’s or so are you really sure 26yr old is still holding his chastity? Its sad to see that you are portraying a mature man as a pervert.. what do you have in your mind.. a man from Afghanistan?
Nobody wishes to go through hardships and I certainly hope that they don't have to, but fact is, we all face at least one or two hurdles of different variety...** If you study behavioural sciences, you will find that it is inherent nature for some folks to ignore guidance and make their own mistakes. For these types of individuals, a mature spouse would be a recipe for disaster in the relationship**.
So aged spouse is apparently an Executioner type of thingy who would force to stop his wife to experiments on her own? If you are doing something which will have a potential to lead you in trouble as per your spouse opinion, then your spouse would not stop you taking that risk?? (considering that there is reasonable age differnce between you two)
Age has nothing to do bringing disaster in your life...its your behavior towards your spouse
**A 25 year old will love to go to a theme park while a 45 year old might appreciate an evening at a Jazz bar. ** A 25 year old may want to dance all night while the 45 year old is probably ready to pack it in at A 25 year old may prefer to dress differently than her 45 year old hubby would want her to. I could go on..... While these examples may sound petty and insignificant when written out, you will come to know that it's the little things that cause the greatest divides.
How many 25yr old you know who love to go to theme park? I certainly don’t and I know many don’t feel any attraction in it. How many 26 ..27yr old man have taken their wives to the theme park knowing that their wives dying to be there?
How many 25yr old would love to dance like a crazy throughout the night?? How many couples with slightest age difference do stuff like that?
Couples of same age usually have big issues too with the dressing style and colors of their spouses..no?
Pity issues like above do divide the couple of 'no age difference' as well...No??
Not every 25yr old girl is bombastic type thingy .. not every 45yr old is close to dead (or physically or emotionally) a dead man
I am planting some seeds. Hoping that there will not be too many parents in the future that will think marrying their 22 year old daughter to a man 15 years her senior is okay simply because he is earning well
Many parents and their daughters do think outside of the box. To them jumping in the theme park or around the corner with their husband is much more insignificant when you think about decent proposal.. and apparently a stable commitment with whom you think your personality match
I have No interest in getting personal... I used “You” in general terms
Have a nice day
You are contradicting yourself. First you say that a man will remain clean from all immoralities regardless of age and then you yourself are questioning whether even a 26 year old wll be chaste. Please decide what you want to say.
You seem to be reading a lot more in my posts than I am writing. Perhaps you can tell me where I have even come close to suggesting that mature men are perverts.
And I think you should apologize to the Afghani members/readers whom you have offended. How rude.
Again, you are interpreting in a way that you want to see things.
Is “Executioner” the way you see your mother or father? I didn’t use that word, so please don’t attribute it to me.
Allowing and forbidding your spouse from doing something is one thing, discussing the issue and coming to a mutual understanding is another. If you don’t see a difference in the two then I cannot show it to you.
LOL. I actually know many.
I know quite a few.
Guess I’m gonna be condemned as a “bombastic” now, right?
No. That’s my point.
Again, your words, not mine.
That’s great. Mission accomplished.
If you are not getting personal, then please explain the sentence you wrote shown below. Tell me how “i wonder if you Do” is in general terms.
And while you are at it, can you also please explain why my words are twisted into different meanings when repeated by you? (e.g. “Executioner”, “dance like crazy” , “pervert”)
If you read yourfriend’s post, you will understand that it’s not okay for the young girl to be " vivacious, gregarious, outgoing, and bubbly", if she is she will be considered “bombastic”.
Meanwhile, the 48 year-old is not father-like, but “decent”.
Maybe you can ask him if he is suggesting that younger guys are not “decent”.
Nope, i am not contradictinng myself.. perhaps you need reread your post. i just used the same token as you did. u asked 45yr would be virgin?.. and i asked then 26yr would be virgin?
thats what the implication i get from your point
first you should appologize from all the 45yr old virgins out there too whom virginity is doubtful to you …
i can say the same thing to you
your mother or father??.. Miss Mod, try not to get too personal … i did NOT attribute anything directly to YOU.. i am merely talking about in GENERAL TERMS
So .. does difference of age has anything to do with it???
good.. and that means Whole world to you?
no.. being bombastic is not a bad thing… ts your personality
i just opposed your points.
yes, those were additional and they are mine.
:halo:
i was strickly referring to my post #39 where i beleive i used ‘You’ few times.. .. miss
if it please you.. you can replace the word “executioner” with may be opinionated… dance like crazy with belle dance… pervert with perhaps not virgin or all together with 45yr old Man
sigh.. too many misconceptions.
perhaps someone really needs to be practical…
Me “She”… not He
I am out of this thread.
First of all, if that couple is married and functioning properly and happily, your opinion is itself invalidated.
Second, not ALL women mature faster that ALL men. Women do start to psysically mature early ( I mean start to feel the need of physical fulfillment ). Men do too but their focus on it establishes late. There are types of maturity for both men and women which vary depending upon the age they are in.
Third, for God sake, if 10 years is about right to justify the "faster" maturity of women, I believe Allah's system is somehow defective and some real ground realities and altogether wrong....
