Age and Commitment Phobia

[rimsh_1]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@nisa_ak

i got married when i was 22 and my hubby was 23 :D after 7 yrs, i'm happy to announce we grew up together. life cudnt be any better..... juz imagine having someone to wake up to, someone to take care of u when ur sick, someone to listen to u at any hour of da day, someone to smoke sheesha with blah blah blah.... juz imagineeeeee!!!!!!

lol, now thats cute hehehe :)

[Munni]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

I am definately commitment phobic. Good journal topic. smile

[Munni]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

oops

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@Fret Wizard

I agree with Mad Scientist. What can you do fulfilling your life in a “halal way” that you can’t do when being married?

Thank you!

I’m still looking for an answer from someone who doesn’t want to get married until as late as possible… what on earth are you afraid that will you be losing out on?

And is letting that fear rule you actually worth the cost… living more of your life without a soulmate?

[musicmaniac]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@mAd_ScIeNtIsT

I never understood this. Everyone tells me that having just turned 25 I shouldn't be so keen to get married and should just take it easy and enjoy freedom and life while I can etc etc etc etc...

I never understood this argument. Given that one wants to live one's life in a halal way, so no wild partying etc etc etc, what freedom could you possibly lose by getting married?

Assuming you do not get married to a total control freak, how could you lose by gaining a very bestest friend and someone to share your life wife?

its different for gals than guys. A gal goes into a total different family leaving all of her loved ones and its certainly hard to adjust, her whole life style changes. First a gal has to live by her parents rule + she only focuses on her education and when she gets done with it, her parents get her married. Don't you think she has the right to enjoy few years on her own, live her life the way she could without any tension for few yrs. If she gets married, she would have lots of responsibilities, + after marriage she will have kids, she wont be able to have the same sort of life she would have before marriage......... and u never know maybe the marriage turns out to be a disastor even with all of her effort put towards it.

what freedom could you possibly lose by getting married?
you certainly cant have the same kinda relationship with ur friends that u had before marriage, u have kids and u cant keep in touch with ur previous life. There are infinite things

[saieen]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

there is no right age / right person for commitment. in a relationship you go with a risk, a calculated one though. there is no set formula for this where u can put in the variables and get the definite answer. how can you say for sure that the person you are going to get comitted to will not change in 5years from now?

[desidudecool]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

marriage is not important

[saieen]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@desidudecool

marriage is not important

common law relationship all the way then :k:

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@musicmaniac

its different for gals than guys. A gal goes into a total different family leaving all of her loved ones and its certainly hard to adjust, her whole life style changes. First a gal has to live by her parents rule + she only focuses on her education and when she gets done with it, her parents get her married. Don’t you think she has the right to enjoy few years on her own, live her life the way she could without any tension for few yrs. If she gets married, she would have lots of responsibilities, + after marriage she will have kids, she wont be able to have the same sort of life she would have before marriage… and u never know maybe the marriage turns out to be a disastor even with all of her effort put towards it.

what freedom could you possibly lose by getting married?
you certainly cant have the same kinda relationship with ur friends that u had before marriage, u have kids and u cant keep in touch with ur previous life. There are infinite things

Most girls don’t end up in the position where they are living by themselves after education and therefore have something to lose by getting married. The vast majority of desi girls continue to live in the family home, by their parents rules, and still try and delay marriage for as long as they can after education is complete.

Having kids is not an absolute neccessity until later in the marriage. There are a fair number of married guppies here on Gupshup who’ve been married for many years without having kids. It’s a choice you can make, to happen when you want it.

These days, a lot of the responsibilities of couples get shared, particularly in the case of dual-income couples. And if as a single you choose to live on your own rather than with parents, you still have a huge amount of responsibilities. What responsibilities from marriage are you fearing?

A marriage can turn out to be a disaster even if you do it later in life. In fact, the older you are when a disaster strikes, the harder it is to recover in our society.

As I mentioned, you don’t have to have kids immediately when you get married so the impact on your life doesn’t have to be THAT major. Sure, with a new VIP in your life you will have less time with your old friends, but more time with someone who can be much much more than a friend.

I still cannot see what there is to fear!

[Rosemarina]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

^ Good point maddy. :k:

[hiccup]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

i also fear the mother in law.

[musicmaniac]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

Maddie: Its still different (better) staying at home than at ur inlaws after finishing skool, u have got more freedom at ur home rather than at ur inlaws. They would like u to act in a certain particular manner. You wont be able to understand, you have to be born female inorder to know wht we go through, the anxiety, the stress just by thinking how hard its gonna be to adjust in a complete strange family. The fear of just having a terrible marriage is enough for all the ladies to panic, which makes them delay their marriage as long as they could

[singerz_delight]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@MehnazQ

As per another post which has now been edited ( ) , is 26 too young to get married? What happened to living your youth and fulfilling your desires (in a halal way) that you can’t necessarily do with being married? Won’t you feel trapped and stifled in marriage? Isn’t 26 simply too young to get married?

Urgh, I tried editing/merging the threads and this is what happens.

.
looking for answers
can any one help … my girl is does not love me never did and i found out#
too freakin late so iam ****canned at a fork cant decide go right left forget her
or give her a chance or just give up on life love and dreamzzzzzzzzzzzz

[shweetdreamz]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

i think 25/26 is a pretty good time to get married. you still have some yrs till you enter the "less likely to concieve" age. so u can chillax with your partner and go a few yrs without having children. u dont wanna be an old hag by the time kids are growing either...

[dope]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@shweetdreamz

i think 25/26 is a pretty good time to get married. you still have some yrs till you enter the "less likely to concieve" age. so u can chillax with your partner and go a few yrs without having children. u dont wanna be an old hag by the time kids are growing either...

What's chillax?

[shweetdreamz]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

a cross between chill and relax

[saieen]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@shweetdreamz

a cross between chill and relax

i thought it was chill+axe :halo:

[Ansoon]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

i am glad that you found happiness after shaadi..

its a personal approach i think.. how positive we look at marriage.. we all tend to hear the negatives all to often and i think for the most part its just simply coz ppl like to get advice when they are in trouble and when happiness strikes very few of us actually bother to share it on GS :)

Who says you can't live your life after shaadi? yes responsibilities go up and yes you have now INLAWS to take care of as well but i still do truely believe that if husband and wife work towards a goal together -- there is no stopping them.. just have to be honest with each other (atleast)

[mAd_ScIeNtIsT]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@musicmaniac

Maddie: Its still different (better) staying at home than at ur inlaws after finishing skool, u have got more freedom at ur home rather than at ur inlaws. They would like u to act in a certain particular manner. You wont be able to understand, you have to be born female inorder to know wht we go through, the anxiety, the stress just by thinking how hard its gonna be to adjust in a complete strange family. The fear of just having a terrible marriage is enough for all the ladies to panic, which makes them delay their marriage as long as they could

But again, these a lot of girls simply put off marriage in general, rather than saying that they’d only consider marriage to a guy who doesn’t live with his family (more and more common in this age of required labour market mobility).

Girls delay marriage altogether, regardless of whether or not any potentials that might come up live with their families or not.

[sweetpip]

Re: Age and Commitment Phobia

@hiccup

sweetiepip which uni would that be?

Durham...the old historic town of the north-east...it really is beautiful and unlike most universities it set in beautiful greenery...there's this old archaic atmosphere mixed with moderness of young students.