Re: agar beta chahiye to...
but i never saw someday being sad becoz they had yet another 'baby boy'
one of my neighbors gave birth to a dead baby boy, and indeed it was very very sad.... and my in-lawish bhabi, she was sympathizing to her by saying " buhat dukh ki baat hai, aur ziada dukh tu iss baat ka hai kay woh beta tha " and i was like stunned......... if she was a baby girl, then it wld have been less painful?????????
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
There's no difference between boys and girls and anyone who thinks otherwise is just being ignorant. That said, there is definitely a difference when it comes to raising girls. I think it's easier with boys. Girls, and by extension their parents, have to be more mindful of what they wear, who they are seen with, who they date etc. Fair or not, these double standards exist, and they exist because of biological differences, not gender or social constructs.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
When will this stuff end? What is the advantage of having a son over a daughter?
err never? it will just get worse
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
Ive seen them prefer girls over boys any day because they say ke larkiyan aaj kal larkon se kam nahin hoti hein
I find it annoying too when parents keep on reminding girls that "lerkiaan aaj kal larkoon sai kum nahi hoteen" that its self is a reminder to a lerkee that "she is a lerkee". To me this is a non issue and should not be brought up by parents in specially in front of children.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
why does it HAVE to turn into gender debate at all. there are so many answers the sil can give back to her mil for this beta hona chahye demand still whats the use of it? every one wants both the genders and then a pair of both. its natural. and its still in the hands of Allah. if it were available in markets, you bet there will still be a shortage of sons (with not that much involvement of mils). too much of generalization is bad and the worse is every negative thing to be blamed on the mil. maybe she just prayed and wished the same as the girl's mother would do too.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
One of my friends just had a baby girl...beautiful daughter Mashallah.
She got calls to congratulate her from everyone but when her MIL got on the phone...she said "mubarak ho beta...etc..." and then "agli dafa betay ke liye blah blah khana aur blah blah parhna"
She just delivered and was so sad to hear that...who needs that?
When will this stuff end? What is the advantage of having a son over a daughter?
What if she had a son and MIL called saying " mubarak ho beta...etc..." and then "agli dafa BETI ke liye blah blah khana aur blah blah parhna" No one would mind that.
A person doesnt have to have a negative mentality to say something negative. A listener could also make it sound negative when they hear something normal and react like it was a crime coz of their own negative mentality.
Not that its in our control, Most of us would want to have at least one of each.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
but i never saw someday being sad becoz they had yet another 'baby boy'
one of my neighbors gave birth to a dead baby boy, and indeed it was very very sad.... and my in-lawish bhabi, she was sympathizing to her by saying " buhat dukh ki baat hai, aur ziada dukh tu iss baat ka hai kay woh beta tha " and i was like stunned......... if she was a baby girl, then it wld have been less painful?????????
I know someone who gave birth to a stillborn.....Her MIL's reactioN? "Accha huwa, larki thi."
But I guess that old lady doesn't have a "negative" mentality.....
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
Isn't this whole new insistent phenomena of preferring girls over boys is also some form gender discrimination? A child is a child, but there is also no harm if you want to have a girl that you can dress up or a boy to play footie with.
I've seen people having girls and going over the top and all in your face with oh I love girls/I'm so glad I have a girl/I always wanted a girl/girls are the best/boys are this type superficial gushing as if having a boy would've been a massive let down and a totally unacceptable thing. Yet we go all up in arms if someone says I love boys and I'm so glad I have a boy.
And its totally natural to wish for a girl if you have a boy or wish for a boy if you have a girl. They have this crazy urge to 'complete' the family package with both genders.
If you're talking about desis, maybe people wouldn't be "superficially gushing" over girls, if everyone around them wasn't harping on about how every family should have a boy, how the eldest baby should be a boy....
It's amazing, even the most "un-jaahil" people will say....have a boy first.....as if it's so easy and the answer to all of life's problems.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
It is unfortunate, my sister's friend delivered a lovely baby girl, and the MIL right after the girl was wheeled into the room said, 'you should be glad you dont have a nand (SIL) woh hoti toh tumhe pata chalta beti paida karne ka matlab.' People are nuts.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
It is unfortunate, my sister's friend delivered a lovely baby girl, and the MIL right after the girl was wheeled into the room said, 'you should be glad you dont have a nand (SIL) woh hoti toh tumhe pata chalta beti paida karne ka matlab.' People are nuts.
What does that mean?
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
The need to have boys, or the perceived advantage, probably stems from the fact that men are traditionally seen as the ones who carry on the family name. Everyone wants to ensure that their family's name survives.
Also, if you accept that fact that monogamy and marriage are a relatively new concept in human history, you can see that a powerful, polygamous male would spread the family line much more effectively than a female would.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
The need to have boys, or the perceived advantage, probably stems from the fact that men are traditionally seen as the ones who carry on the family name. Everyone wants to ensure that their family's name survives.
Also, if you accept that fact that monogamy and marriage are a relatively new concept in human history, you can see that a powerful, polygamous male would spread the family line much more effectively than a female would.
And having a male child would also ensure that the family land/property stays within the family.
Re: agar beta chahiye to…
What a *****. People who even think as such, in my mind need to be taken behind the woodshed and shot, much like the ***** Old Yeller. 
Re: agar beta chahiye to…
I would definitely want a beta. I think baby boys are much cuter. 
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
I find it annoying too when parents keep on reminding girls that "lerkiaan aaj kal larkoon sai kum nahi hoteen" that its self is a reminder to a lerkee that "she is a lerkee". To me this is a non issue and should not be brought up by parents in specially in front of children.
I understand what you're saying. However, when you have desi society staring at you in one direction commanding your daughter to be weak and dependent...then I feel its my duty to make sure my daughter understands that its all a bunch of rubbish. That larkiyan waqayee larkon se kam nahin hoteen. Her strength doesnt lie with some auntie that doesnt pay her bills...its within her own reach.
Ehsaas that you're a woman is not a bad thing. Ehsaas-e-kamtari because you're a woman is a bad thing.
What if she had a son and MIL called saying " mubarak ho beta...etc..." and then "agli dafa BETI ke liye blah blah khana aur blah blah parhna" No one would mind that.
A person doesnt have to have a negative mentality to say something negative. A listener could also make it sound negative when they hear something normal and react like it was a crime coz of their own negative mentality.
Not that its in our control, Most of us would want to have at least one of each.
Seriously you're defending this nonsense?
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
And what most disturbing is when much of a supposedly educated class thinks like that. University ya school jane ka faida?. Sad indeed.
Re: agar beta chahiye to…
This point needs to be driven across our society. All girls who read this - please remember this point. The blame is on the husband and not the woman. The lack of knowledge really rips women in our society.
Reha - does your friend know how a boy or a girl come to being? Your friend’s husband is a “na marda” - LoL…
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
there is no remedy for this kind of behavior, just ignore and move on. Apna Kaleja jalanay ka kia faida ?
Maza to jaab aaey jab agley ka kaleja jalooa by telling them that their son doesn't have it in him to bear a son! Maybe they should have their son checked out? Who knows if he's got some type of bemaari .... ? I mean, who knows? You know......... ;)
I do make it a point, when the topic comes up in my social circles, to bring across the fact that it's the man who is responsible for a boy or a girl being born.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
i understand and agree with all of the equality etuff
we dont know the MILs intentions you know.
she may have grown up in an atmosphere where thsi whole boy kid thing is important
and could possibly think that maybe teh DIL is also under pressure to deliver a boy
or just saying now that you have a girl, for a boy you should do xyz
I am saying this because I have seen some elders say stuff that would tick you off until u see what they really mean and its much more innocent than you think it is or that their intentions are pure.
Re: agar beta chahiye to...
^ Yeah, that's what I think too.