I do make it a point, when the topic comes up in my social circles, to bring across the fact that it's the man who is responsible for a boy or a girl being born.
A man is not responsible and definitely doesn't determine if you conceive a boy or a girl. Please don't insult their manhood with such ignorant claims! A man does contribute the X and Y sperm but every man has an equal number of X and Y chromosomes and it is purely a matter of chance (and Allah's will) which chromosome fertilizes the egg! It's not as if the man physically enters a woman's uterus and decides which chromosome to use!
Going back to the topic, your friend shouldn't take it to heart. Her MIL was just giving a suggestion and she was raised in a society that heavily emphasizes the importance of sons so she doesn't know any better. Also it could be that she thought now that her DIL has a daughter, she would naturally want her next to be a son. Everyone I know wants a boy and a girl and there is nothing wrong with that.
I don't really understand why this is an issue. We don't know this lady's intentions. I have a boy and I do want a girl next. Some people just like to have both the genders. Maybe this lady is really happy and already looking fwd to baby #2. If I had a girl, I would want a boy next too. Its just something we want and okay if we don't have it, we won't kill each other over it. I really don't see the big deal. Yehi agar koi larka paida hota and MIL has said the same thing .. larki ke lieay yeh karna.. kisi ko bura nahi lagta. No, I am not supporting this nonsense but do you really know MIL's intentions?? We are three girls too and at my sister's birth my mom listened to a lot of crazy stuff from people but I still think that unless we know MIL's intentions lets not judge her.
A man is not responsible and definitely doesn't determine if you conceive a boy or a girl. Please don't insult their manhood with such ignorant claims! A man does contribute the X and Y sperm but every man has an equal number of X and Y chromosomes and it is purely a matter of chance (and Allah's will) which chromosome fertilizes the egg! It's not as if the man physically enters a woman's uterus and decides which chromosome to use!
:) Right. You got the point. It is the man. It is also the qismat... i.e. Allah (sbwt). So, again, it is a mute point to say ANYTHING to a woman that suggests that somehow she is responsible. The man is responsible. To use your point, Allah is responsible. So, the MIL and the FIL have no right to say anything on this point.
Spiral - I have 4 boys, my brother has 4 girls, my sister has 4 girls. This is not a topic that we have. It's more of a topic in Asian countries. My boys are more out of hand and wild. So much for wanting boys. What good is a boy if the "boy will be boy"? That's not what I want.
I understand what you're saying. However, when you have desi society staring at you in one direction commanding your daughter to be weak and dependent...then I feel its my duty to make sure my daughter understands that its all a bunch of rubbish. That larkiyan waqayee larkon se kam nahin hoteen. Her strength doesnt lie with some auntie that doesnt pay her bills...its within her own reach.
Ehsaas that you're a woman is not a bad thing. Ehsaas-e-kamtari because you're a woman is a bad thing.
Seriously you're defending this nonsense?
I am not defending her, am rather asking question why DIL is being so offended by this. The reason is that ur frnd has some complex of having a daughter and not a son and thats why she is being sensitive about things said.
i understand and agree with all of the equality etuff
we dont know the MILs intentions you know.
she may have grown up in an atmosphere where thsi whole boy kid thing is important
and could possibly think that maybe teh DIL is also under pressure to deliver a boy
or just saying now that you have a girl, for a boy you should do xyz
I am saying this because I have seen some elders say stuff that would tick you off until u see what they really mean and its much more innocent than you think it is or that their intentions are pure.
Your point well taken, but the timing on the part of her MIL was wrong for bringing the boy vs girl issue. That also shows naivete and jahalat. There is always a time and manner of conveying your message across.
Maza to jaab aaey jab agley ka kaleja jalooa by telling them that their son doesn't have it in him to bear a son! Maybe they should have their son checked out? Who knows if he's got some type of bemaari .... ? I mean, who knows? You know......... ;)
I do make it a point, when the topic comes up in my social circles, to bring across the fact that it's the man who is responsible for a boy or a girl being born.
Your point seemed valid till I read a few responses to your post. Your theory has been shredded to pieces by others. I am a man by the way so I have no hidden agenda against men or women.
For those it matters, it will always matter. You cannot help it.
My mother being one of them. Do I think it is jahil soch? Yes, can I change her way of thinking? No, because thats the way things were when she grew up.
Me and my sisters are much better in school/uni than any of our brothers. We are better at taking care of the house. We are better at taking care of my parents. We care much more for them, which my mother acknowledges and even says herself that "daughters are much more caring". Would she trade any of us for a son? Without a hesitation, sadly. :p
Being a member of only daughters family… i can understand the situation. I have no brother and my parents never feel any KAMI in their life Alhamdulillah. But some people think that Son is very important for life. Once one lady asked my mother “kitny bachy hain tmhry”? My mother told her three daughters and ther response was like “aye haye.. beta koi nahin hai” my mother said “nahin.. betiyan hain na betoon ki kia zarooat” and she was like “nahin eik beta tu hina hi chahye”
In another situation we were shifting our home… and mazdoor came and asked my father beta nahin hai, my father smiled and said no and he was like “chchchchhhh beta nahin hai app ka”
What do they mean k agar kisi ka beta nahin hai tu woh Jannat main nahin ja saky ga.. why they make others feel that they are missing something very important in their life. Both times i was there and i felt like to punch those people SERIOUSLY.
Beta and beti both are equal.. I have seen only Son who lives in Cananda and never come back after death of his father (Even he didn’t attend his father funeral.. last time he visited Pakistan on his mothers death) and he has one youngest unmarried sister who is living with her married sister… and that SON calls her few time in a month literally… us bhai ka hona na hona barabar hai… aisy betoon sey better hai k insan ka beta hi na ho.
WE should change our mentality. I know may be mother in law just wanted a complete family for her son (grandson and grand daughter both) but still it is really annoying when people give special instructions for baby boys.
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH): "Whoever has three daughters or sisters, or two daughters of two sisters, and lives along with them in a good manner, and has patience with them, and fears Allah with regard to them will enter Paradise."
And in another Hadith: "They will be a shield for him from the Fire."
