This is so stupid. Two people are old enough to be married but they cannot go and get a coffee together to be by them selves. 
This reminds me of a sardaar joke. The punch line is not as affective if censored here but I will tell anyway.
So this prospective son-in-law is visiting his in-laws for an overnight stay. There are only two rooms in the house. After much discussion, the parents decide to give the young 'uns the benefit of the 'trust' and let them sleep in the same room. The other room had ,ofcourse, two beds.
At around midnight, the sardarni hears some noise coming from the adjacent room. She wakes up the Sardar jee and asks him to go check. Peeping thru the key hole he sees that the guy is making advances on his daughter but nothing serious. He returns to his bed and tells the wife, "oh fikr naa ker tey sau jaa".
About ten minutes later, a little louder noise awakes both of them. He goes through the same process and this time sees them both making it out at the edge of the bed. He returns to his wife and says, 'oh, fikr naa ker, bachay nay...khaid rahay nay".
The third time around noises are even louder. The Sardar jee after peeping through the keyhole finds them both by the window, going all the way, and the guy clining on to the curtains in the heat of the moment. The Sardaar jee bursts into the room, grabs the guy, throws him on the floor and screams at the top of his lungs, "Oye **********, taino maloom hay aiy parday kinnay mehengay nay"?
OK excuse my ignorance. But why exactly isn’t the girl allowed to be alone with her husband?
You can’t have sex before the rukhsati? 
As long as nikkah has occured, you commit no sin by doing so.
Yeah, it's a stupid 'rule' that they have: you can't go out or consumate your marriage after the nikah but before the rukhsati. I don't believe there was such a rule in Prophet Mohammad's (pbuh) days. After the Nikah, the bride and the groom are legally and Islamically husband and wife, so what's other people's problem?
And someone mentioned that a couple gets talked about if they hold each other's hands in public, that's also stupid. Dumb illetrate people who object and talk bad about the husband and wife. People in Pakistan seriously need to mind their own business.
cultural malpractices....if only we can do away with them. Whats the purpose of Nikha if they can't even have time on their own. If a guy and gilr go all gaga, I won't even mind that ( ya one has to abide by the cultural norms of the place one lives) but yaar imagine , after all they are husband and wife... its like your territory and your space and you become all possessive :D its but natural
.....
So she was in Paksitan and he was in the U.S. when they got their nikkah done, how can you do that? So strange.
Aleezay baji 
i can totally imagine the poor guy’s confusion 
this is called CULTURE CLASH i guess
but still i am on the side of the girl’s family in this 
i think their conditions are reasonable and he should be patient…
my parents are very open minded in these things but my relatives are still quite conservative…some of my cousins were not allowed to even talk on the phone to the guys they were getting married to even after the nikah…some of em still found ways to but officially they were not allowed…
there are some who had never even face to face seen their future spouses…
i guess mahol mahol ka fark hota hae..
this guy is lucky he can atleast visit her and stuff… so he should be happy with what he’s got i think
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by belle: *
So she was in Paksitan and he was in the U.S. when they got their nikkah done, how can you do that? So strange.
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maybe it was over the telephone? thats happenning these days..telephone nikah
Ok for all the women who are so much into to rajo ravaj, please tell me when you are married will you be living by these customs of your extended families which in most cases has more to do with gossiping behind your backs then anything useful? If you plan to do so I serisouly feel very sorry for the person whom you marry.
The desi culture is such that the extended family seeks out something to talk about and if they cant find something negative they feel inadequate or somehow feel their kids are worse off since they cant criticize someone else more, so all these cultural issues just propagate these problems further. Very rare is it for an extended family to not be talking about someone else. Forget the extended family, even close family member talk about each other and generally when I mean talk its not positive, its generally looking at something negative.
In this position I would say I am fairly strongly against the wifes family and their behaviour. it creates problems at the begining of their marriage. One of my cousins was exactly the same way, even after getting nikhed they wont let the gal see the guy off at the airport because the ruksati hadn't happened. Luckily some of the elders managed to put some sense into her monthers head and the couple are very happy together. But I can't imagine me not been able to talk to my wife alone after I am married. What is it gonna be next? Shes gonna ask her mother for advice in her private life? Her dad will manage my finances? She would need acceptance from her parents to go out of the house or study or have kids? Once you start down this path, its hard to stop. Let the kids themselves decide what they want and how they want it and give them advice on how things have turned out for the parents but dont tell them.
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*Originally posted by irem: *
but still i am on the side of the girl's family in this :) i think their conditions are reasonable and he should be patient...
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What on earth is the slightest bit reasonable about their demands? The nikkah has been completed, he's her husband, he's her wali, she has become his wife and his responsibility.
What right does her family have to keep a man from spending time with his wife if he so wishes?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *
What on earth is the slightest bit reasonable about their demands? The nikkah has been completed, he's her husband, he's her wali, she has become his wife and his responsibility.
What right does her family have to keep a man from spending time with his wife if he so wishes?
[/QUOTE]
ms in pakistani culture until the girl is not rukhsatofied she is still under the guardianship and protection of her father and brothers and they consider that she's their izzat and not yet the izzat of her husband...thus till that time she has to listen to them and abide by their rules...
i'm just explaining the traditional POV, ofcourse the actual situation varies from family to family :)
Well, I myself had my nikkah for three months before the rukhsati. I think that no one legally, morally, religiously can stop a husband from taking his wife where ever he wants, since after nikkah, both are husband and wife.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by irem: *
ms in pakistani culture until the girl is not rukhsatofied she is still under the guardianship and protection of her father and brothers and they consider that she's their izzat and not yet the izzat of her husband...thus till that time she has to listen to them and abide by their rules...
i'm just explaining the traditional POV, ofcourse the actual situation varies from family to family :)
[/QUOTE]
Sorry irem, it was a rhetorical question. :)
I knew the cultural answer, I was just getting frustrated and how our culture is at odds with our religion yet again....
why cant the girl convince her parents??? thats the only solution..she can tell them thats her HUSBAND n being a good wife she has to obey her husbands orders (thats wat they have taught her)..might work
^ :D you are so naive. Larki ki apni marzi hotee tow phir baat thee
Anyhow, IRem whatever you said is true. However, being the rebel at heart I feel suffocated at times when I see what goes around us.I am also one of the actors in this system and I have also experienced this crap in one form or another but I somehow managed to escape before things came down hard on me.It has its consequences but atleast I am at peace with myself. I would just say one thing, in our culture its the guy who needs to show that he is a man. If the guys realize that they also have a responsibility to bring about a change in the society ....I tell you a lot can be changed with that... a man can do a lot in our society if he wishes to. afterall its a man's world out there
What I don't understand is why is there a need for the nikah in the first place if you have to put all those restrictions...
With all due respect, I fail to understand the parents logic(maybe when I have children of my own than I would realize what the reality is) but in one instant you are a kid, you don't know anything, I have chosen this guy for you 'coz i can make beter judgement...true... and at the same time you hear them saying. . you are old enuff, you need to make your own decisions, you need to settle down real quick, you are already off the mark....Oh well there I go again :D
Why cant we make things easy for ourselves and others.. why have we made the institution of marriage so friggin hard and just unapprochable...
It is my understanding that Nikkah is a consent of 2 adults and 2 families to agree to this arrangment, in presence of adults and usually a religious figure of the family of the community offers nikkah witness.
There can be “rukhsati” which also means the “Consuming” the marriage, Where the the gal and guy make out and next day the gal family will throw a lavish valima announcing the witness that the marriage has been “consumed”. Kisi kay der say chupp ker nahi ki hai,
In this case the Gals parents are conservative and rightly so because they want this to be a grand gala rukhstai and Valima next day, after the gal and guy has “done” it…,in this case the only person without patience seems to be the guy,who imo should be slugged in the package,…
which part of this ancient culture the guy does not understand,?,Aur may be he’s playing ameriky return and with no barings,lol
I’m surprised that no one here pointed this out , but I knew and I’m still so young ,
This guy does not derve this gal 
The purpose of the meeting is to get to talk to eachother, to get to know eachother not 'do it'! Thats the first thought which comes across all desis' minds and thats precisely why things are made so difficult. If the two involved are old enough to get married and are actually seeking permission to meet im sure they have enough sense not to do anything that would give others a chance of talking about them. If the putpose was to get physical i'm sure they could have arranged a secret meeting and gotten on with it.
And not every one necessarily consummates the wedding before the valima.
Would serve them right if the guy went ahead and spent some time alone with some other girl. Typical cultural mentality to stop ppl from doing the right thing, and then make a fuss when they do something wrong.
Divorce is a beautiful thing. These sort of families deserve to have divorces take place in them by the dozen.
The guy should say he's going for telephonic-TALAQ (after all, telephonic-nikah jaiz tha, so why not the other way around), if he can't screw with his woman whenever they like.
And all this telephonic nikah thingy - BS! What kinda Moslems are these anyway? Bludy hypocrites. They twist religion to suit their needs. Culture overrules religion. Leads you to wonder if they even *have *a religion. Mofoz.