Fact is women are considered a piece of property and nothing else in our wonderful 'culture'. Not allowed to do a damned thing but blamed for absolutely everything.
I love how these same families behave this way here in the west too.. where their kids are allowed to talk to whomever they want in school and outside the house... mainly cause they cannot control every aspect of their life and follow them everywhere ...but then in a 'muslim' setting amongst those people you are supposed to associate with they are not allowed to even look at each other ..never mind talking!? Even the most liberal non-religous families follow this stupidity!?
As far as this particular situation ... hey anyone dumb enough to blindly marry someone they dunno... over the phone?! or otherwise deserves whatever other stupidity follows next.
Do you have specific times when a 'rukhsati' can be held? Is there a reason/ custom that there has to be x number of days between the nikkah and the rukhsati?
There is a true story shown on GEO in drama series 'Khata' where this family does mangni of their 17 year old daughter with a 20 year old boy. The guy's family want to do rukhsati and nikah within a week. On the day of barat/ nikah, the dulha is in FULL sehra. He does not show any part of his face and refuses to eat mithai before the nikah.
Well, appraently the bride's cousin smells something fishy and forcefully gets him to pull the sehra. To everyone's shock, there was a 70 year old budha as a dulha.
So, it is best if you let the two meet. She/He might find out things about each other they really despise.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
There is a true story shown on GEO in drama series 'Khata' where this family does mangni of their 17 year old daughter with a 20 year old boy. The guy's family want to do rukhsati and nikah within a week. On the day of barat/ nikah, the dulha is in FULL sehra. He does not show any part of his face and refuses to eat mithai before the nikah.
Well, appraently the bride's cousin smells something fishy and forcefully gets him to pull the sehra. To everyone's shock, there was a 70 year old budha as a dulha.
So, it is best if you let the two meet. She/He might find out things about each other they really despise.
[/QUOTE]
"That story is similar to a drama i saw about 2 years ago: Rabia zinda Rahegi..."
I know of a real life story Funguy .... similar in a way. The girl was over here and the guy was in Pakistan. She saw a picture of the guy and for some odd reason, the families were all excited and agreed to just do their nikkah over the phone. Went to fetch him at the airport a few months later and it was a man in his 60s .... not the guy who was in the picture. It was all arranged through family friends so the girl's family over here just blindly trusted them and whatever they told them. Oh, the girl was in her late teens.
Honestly, some stupid people out there. Why do a nikkah before meeting the guy face to face?
Jub tak bichari auret iss duniya kay zaalim mardoN ki havas kaa shikaar bantee rahay gai…Rabia tub tuk zinda rahay gee (plays the sound track of “The Hidden Truth”)
Did you see Talat Hussains purani wali wife? She is such a giant!!! Ankhain aisay phaar phaar ke dekhti hi ke bahar hee nikkal aain. Oopar se dubbing bhi total satyanaas thi!
I don't know 50-B. Obviously, she went into shock when she was introduced to her husband. Honestly, the things people do .... what a disgusting world we live in.
(y) great you guys are so upto date with the dramas...haven't seen any in a long time except for that HArjai and Sheeshay ka Mehal....
Khair, getting back to the topic, I must say what Funguy and Mehnaz Q has stated is so true... :-( happened with one of our teachers. She liked her bro-in-laws brother and he liked her too but the parents were against that rishta. ( the usual crap' eko ghar ich donaan kurian naheen ja sakdiyan).So, they got this rishta from USA and the guy came on the day of nikah. I can't tell you what the mother of our teacher went through after she saw the guy .... She cried the whole evening and tld her daughter that she had every right to call it off... Asked my mom and everyone there 'cuz she had guilty conscience ' tussi daso kisa lagya munda' you tell me, how did u find the dude/groom. My mom couldnt say much. except ' Allah mubarak karay jee.'
It dawned on the family the next day when they went to attend the valima that the dude who looked liked the girls father or quite aged uncle told her in unequivocal manner that she was meant to take care of her parents in Paksitan, as he already has a wife and a son in US.... what happened after that is predictable...the parents had to pay for their recalcitrance...the girl in her late 20's is still at her parents place... uska kia kasoor tha....
Anyhow, we need to loosen up a bit... Its high time..
Minerva, another reason not to follow the parents blindly. I don't know why it is instilled in our society to listen to the parents no matter how wrong they are. I thought our deen recommends us to use our own head. Respect them? ABSOLUTELY but if they pushing you into hell, then you the only one to be blamed for letting them.
Well, in response to the pm I just got, Ya she was left here by her husband to take care of his aging parents...and he told her 'you shldn't ever think that I 'll take you to US',Never ever entertain such ideas.' She wasnt even allowed to visit her parents place either. She fell sick and when she was 'maran wali'/' near death'... her parents took her and filed for divorce...
This is why the prophet :saw: told us to look at the person your going to marry. All these problems start when the two people are not allowed to meet.
What I dont get is whats with all this Nikah on the phone business, without even meeting the person:confused:. Why cant the two people turn up IN PERSON and get married, its madness. Both people should be present so they can see one last time, what their letting themselves in for.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by cscraja: *
pardon my ignorance...I am not Muslim.
Do you have specific times when a 'rukhsati' can be held? Is there a reason/ custom that there has to be x number of days between the nikkah and the rukhsati?
[/QUOTE]
Pardon us for not replying earlier.
There is no particular custom of such kind, although some reasons are there. Some families insist that nikah (which is legal maraige in Islam) should be performed earlier and other ceremonies (baraaat valima etc.) be performed some time later. And so at that time the wife will be sent with husband to his house(rukhsati). At times ppl do nikah earlier particularly..
Men in Armed Forces ( for paper work related to marraige, house etc )
Pepple living in some other country ( for visa related issues )
These people have some solid reasons. Other then that normally both nikkah and rukhsati happens at same time.
