I dont know about that Ms Afridi. I'm an amerian gori and I just love the idea of the extended family although, sadly, it is not even an option here, my mom and dad are 12 hours away and my brother n sister are also. My hubbies family is in Pak and some are 4 or 5 hours away. A pipe dream but one that I long for. Life can be lonely and stressful when there is lack of family nearby and when we visit them I never fail to appreciate the joys of having them close. So you cannot attribute it to being desi, non-desi, gori etc etc. Some people WANT the extended family "thang" and some do not. Its all what YOU want for your family yeah?
I'm sure you realize that you would not fare well in a western society but would fit in well in Pakistan. So you need to find a desi gal whose desire it is to be a WIFE. To be a mother and nurturer of hearth and home. If this is her desire and YOU are an able provider then happiness will be yours till the end of your days.
Just watch out for the gals who want education, expensive things, career, servants etc etc. Its been said many times before but never assume that "marriage" will change a person or that you'll be able to force a change after marriage. Thats all you need to know thats all there is to finding happiness - find the person who wants the same things YOU want.
Best wishes and luck to you and many kudos, hats off to you for not giving in to all of the beating up you've taken for sticking to your goals, wants and needs.
Thank you; really appreciate the response.
Yep, I plan on going back to Pak zameen to get married (inshAllah)
So you're an American gori? Should I read blonde hair, blue eyes?
lol! No Actually I've been told that I look like a pashtun, brown hair and eyes but most of my fam is blond/blue-eyed....so 2 of my boys are. the middle boy has the black "camel eyes" and dark hair, my little pretty boy....
anyway, so much luck and happiness to you, happy "hunting" and finding the right gal for YOU.
Thanks for ur comments....i did give up my career to b a mother and housewife but thats was my choice and my hubby neva forced me.....i got married quite young but id completed my education including my masters from London School of Economics b4 i got married and my hubby is older than me..guess u wud find it hard to believe that im actually married to a white convert who has strong islamic values abt family life. Its not only asian men that feel like this...like i said he is white but he preferred me to b a full time mum than to have nanny for our daughter. Ur still very young.....dont worry abt all these things by putting boundaries on how things should and shouldnt be. Inshallah when u will meet the right person it will all work out. In the mean time dont stress urself out over it-ur still very young.
This is how the prophet saw lived with his wife Aisha RA. So you think their marriage was not a succesful one cuz they were good friends or are you saying that a real man cant be a soft man. Our prophet saw wasaperfect example of being both.
no one can play monopoly in marriage with the spouses.
marriage is a private social contract between 2 individuals - a female and a male.
if you believe that you are independent and detached with in the family life- and your better half deserves no empathy from you, then know that same will be for you. every one is independent like your self.
without the weak arguments of religious strictures that are acutely lop-sidedly screwed against women and the so-called cultural values - which are all man- made any way, think for a minute - how do YOU want to build and sustain a caring and loving relationship with your spouse is up to you. when good, it will have good fruitious consequences, when not good, it will not have good fruitious consequences and comfort in your mind.
thinking and acting in a state of arrogance and anger is forbidden in Islam. it is not good for health, so you tell me, who, what man, would mistreat his spouse on the basis of being just a man, when he is also her spouse at the same time?
ideally, both ought to be in good conscious, helpers of each other until death separates them.
i as a woman, wont have any problem, being my husband's friend. i will feed him, clothe him and provide shelter for him, and still consult him, placing my full trust in his ability to think wisely to use his wisdom, be it personal, familial or collective societal matters.
"that" may be called a good relationship, not some relationship which is based on self-grandeur.
in the end the frail body on a death bed is and will be of the man - the man dies early in most cases. with due respect to all self- sacrificing women - their men must treat them nicely and with kindness, so that in their end time, they are treated with care and love.
this is a survival strategy for both . u give and u take. u don't just take with a mean sense of entitlement. note that only care and love begets care and love, not anger or fear.
maybe women and men need to reassess the logic of their behaviors that they display in communication to their spouses. it will facilitate learning why they believe one way or the other. and hopefully open up the eyes to these utter myths like this one that you mentioned: to maintain the "place" of the man in the house hold, he needs to have the final say in every thing.
escapes many!
So basically I'm a little pessemistic about the whole husband-wife being best friends concept.
I think if a husband fulfills his rights he is awesome and is doing a great job. That's all anyone can ask of anyone, to give you your rights and for you to give me mine.
The prophet (pbuh) also had four wives and asked them to be in purdah. How many of the gals here on gs are willing share their husbands with three other ladies and at the same time keep purdah???
Not many; we have girls on GS worrying about condoms breaking!
