By defination, a good husband is NOT someone who provides food, clothing, shelter for his family; Those are his responsibilities that he MUST fulfill and doing so does not guarantee him the title of “Good Husband”. A good husband is someone who talks with his wife, spends quality time with her, listens to her problems (and doesn’t try to solve them but just listens), someone who is basically her friend.
However, I’m of the opinion that if one does those things, his respect or zor (in urdu) within the family will decrease. I feel the man of the house should have the final word and if a husband does all those things I mentioned above, the wife will not take him seriously. She’ll basically think she can get anything out of him or make him do anything she wants him to do.
So basically I’m a little pessemistic about the whole husband-wife being best friends concept.
I understand your point, but i think with combination of both, love, care and respect for wife and being strong on critial decisions will have impact. and combination of both will get going both parties. you can be good husband and your wife will know what she can get away with and she cant.
going to each exteremes is not normal of nice. I have seen both exterme examples in my friends. one being all over his wife in every sense and lost his self respect. on the other hand one being so harsh and without much emotions as what he says is right always, according to him its best thing cause he was struggling before.
as a friend I point these exterems to both, later one admit he is being hard but says its easy to have one man rule as he has experienced.
other one doesnt give much answer straight, deep down he knows. now he has no option to be strong or normal , he has realised he was wrong but now everything expacted from him as told. he has to lie to his wife to escape the bash.
^ Furqi this site is scarry, Relationship's are as wonderful as you want to make em. no two people are alike, and in life 1. they judge everyone on how they want them to be.
However, I'm of the opinion that if one does those things, his respect or zor (in urdu) within the family will decrease. I feel the man of the house should have the final word and if a husband does all those things I mentioned above, the wife will not take him seriously. She'll basically think she can get anything out of him or make him do anything she wants him to do.
So basically I'm a little pessemistic about the whole husband-wife being best friends concept.
Your thoughts?
Theres plenty of guys who will fulfill the matieralistic needs of their wives but still treat them like crap, they ignore them, belittle and abuse them. To them she is nothing more than a maid/someone to have sex with and have babies with. Do you think she has no personality, no interests desires etc? Because thats what it sounds like when you say you wouldn't want to be a "good Husband" to her.
I don't know what examples you've seen in your life, but if you think a man talking to his wife and treating her with utmost love and respect and care has no izzat, that's pretty pathetic. She is your wife, she has a right in every matter of the house, since she is your family and living in your house (as much as you dont want to admit it, she is/will be your family), so she has a right in every matter of the house. The ultimate decision may be yours, but the thing about whoever is a leader, they have to take into consideration their family members and how they might feel/think about something.
It's really sad that you think some strangers' opinion prevents you from wanting to be friends with your wife. You seem to have a very low opinion of women because you think any woman whose husband treats her with love and kindness will think hes any less than a man. I think you need grow up just a little more.
However, I'm of the opinion that if one does those things, his respect or zor (in urdu) within the family will decrease. I feel the man of the house should have the final word and if a husband does all those things I mentioned above, the wife will not take him seriously. She'll basically think she can get anything out of him or make him do anything she wants him to do.
Respect and zor are two different things if im not mistaken. zor=authority.
Anil, i think ive read elsewhere you mentioning that your future wife should know you love and respect your parents above all else, but I feel she needs to know a hell lot more than that. I think it's only fair she be informed in advance about all the ideologies you hold dear. I mean, she should know that she ought not to take you seriously if you spend a lot of quality time with her right after your marriage.
You know we're telling this kid to "grow up" because this just seems so immature and "macho" but i've seen some desis who are this way because culturally, it adds to their manhood to be the "big tough guy", not lowering himself to listen to, enjoy the company of or interact with a "mere" woman. His woman is there to serve him and is his property. Hopefully this is changing, and thankfully I've not seen this in the majority of desi guys I've met, it was only a handful of them, mainly those who haven't been exposed to the opposite sex, those who've lived segregated lives and those who've had little "western" exposure.
See…there are good and decent men around.
Men that don’t prescribe to the belief that if you are sensitive, kind and understanding, you “lose control of your wife”.
“** Final Say**”— Why you are planing on bringing a wife home or a slave? Did you ever bother thinking she might have a mind or heart of her own? This world does not revolve around you. You surely do revolve around the world.
I honestly think you are a very nice guy deep in your heart who does want to have a very good emotional relationship with his wife. But sadly our society prevents that sort of relationship between husband and wife. Its a myth! You are being peer pressured that Anil suppose to take care of the household he is the MAN. Woman shouldnt have any say etc…
create a path of your own.