Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
:) all i can say is good luck to finding whoever best suits you, inshallah
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Listen guys, Anil has just been brought up in that traditional protected environment. He has his chaddies in a twist just in case his wife 'looks into his eyes' after marriage. It isn't his fault, he probably hasn't lived a day away from mummy dear.
There is nothing wrong with implementing things from our parents relationships, but we as people have to progress. This ISNT the 1950's, It is 2006 where women are more 'opinionated, educated,confident and outspoken'. This however does not mean they are 'batamiz, chalaak, over bearing and manipulative'.
The best marriages that I have seen are not the ones where the husband snaps his fingers and the wife jumps, they are the ones based on just the thing that you are against Anil. Friendship.
Where the husband and wife are a team, how they run the house together with mutual love and respect. In turn the wife respects the husband so much naturally, this is in no way enforced it is a natural thing.
As a woman, if my husband made me feel important by asking my advice on making important decisions in the house and made me feel so worthy and respected I would love and respect him and honour him more than the other approach. This is simple psychology, force someone to do something with your authority or make them do it naturally with your love and intelligence. It's your call.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Basically, its come down to guys vs. girls (as it always does). Myself, Afridi, Zapp, and Hussain more or less agree on this issue and all the girls are on the other side chewing away at us (me in particular). Not really surprising, I should be used to it by now. A married couple being best friends sounds good in theory but I don't know how practical it is; some of you claim to have such a relationship with your husbands and if indeed thats true then I wish you all the luck in the future and May Allah grant you all immense happiness, Ameen. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still not convinced on this concept but who knows maybe my situation/circumstance/life will take a dramatic turn and I may experience some of the things that y'all have mentioned here. Its a matter of persepective, really.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband…
MAN! I won’t stop at “shut up” or “you’re stupid”, I will even go to the extent of calling him “mah beeech”, cos well, that is the truth. But this only when we are playful, such things don’t fly when there is a fight or serious discussion.
And no sirre, he cannot call me his beeech even playfully. 
Ya know what I have realised. I am the female version of Anil Khan. I want him to be an obidient mouse and me with ze upper hand always.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband…
Chloe, be my beech :love:
Re: Afraid to be a good husband…
Will you allow me to have the upper hand always?
Re: Afraid to be a good husband…
For you baby, anything:wub:
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
I had a very long answer ready for you, but then I thought, what the heck, bhains ke aagay been bajanay ka kia faida?
but will say one thing if you think that we're lying that we have good relationship with our husband and our husband respect and value our decisions/thoughts. And if they do so, they are stupids.
Dude you're the one who is living in stone age. And besides, who gave you the right to say if we are right or not, we're the married ones here, we are speaking from our experience.
Allah hafiz.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband…
Anil bro… i find my self in the same situation…most of my views are same like u when it comes to marrying some1…wife main sharam hiya honi chaiye even when she is infront of u…she should respect u aur befazool batein us ko nahi karni chaiye… i never ever will change my ideals for some1…most gals on gs are too much westernized to understand it and they call people like u and me who have a different way of thinking then their puranai zamanai main rehnnai walai lough..i mean its not we are gonna beat our wifes or force them to stay at home…beating ur wife is great sin and why would we do that …she did leave her whole life for u a stranger .people who treat their wifes like **** should be thrown in jail and there should be zero tolerance policy towards *******s who cant control their anger and spill it on their wives. most people who mistreat their wives aren,t religous…they are unparh people who don,t understand a ball of what is written in Quran ,stupid morons:mad:
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
That's for sure - she'll be too busy trying to wait on you and your parents, hand and foot. Anil, honestly you don't need a wife, you need a servant.
Do you realize that in the Quran Allah swt describes the relationship between husband and wife as being like "garments for one another"? What is closer to you physically than the clothes that you wear? Also, the Prophet saw said that the best of you are those that are the best to their wives? How can you possibly hope to achieve any kind of reward in the hereafter if plan to keep your wife at arms length and not give her the full rights that she is entitled to?
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Anil khan, and Group.
With views like yours , the sheep won't be very pleased. Islam mayn janwaron kai bhee haqooq hotay hayn.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
ok but atleast u will let her join gupshup right? its harmless! and let her have a journal. i will look so forward to it.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Anil and Hussain87 (who I assume was born in 1987 cuz he sure sounds like it), you boys are too young, that's the bottom line. You can have all the fantasies of married life you want but the truth is you don't know the first thing about married life. So quit speculating, quit telling married people that they're wrong, and don't worry about it. I honestly don't mean any disrespect to either of you even though I sound like a total a$$. But right now, if you're not getting married in the near future, relax, don't worry about thest things. If you try to argue about these things with people who've been married for years, you'll just come out looking foolish. So my advice, concentrate on having fun right now, do the whole wild oats thing if that's what you fancy, go on road trips, tip cows or whatever it is you younguns do these days.
Cheers!
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Also, at one point you clarified that in your initial post when you said "family" you meant the immediate family, wife and kids. But I find that really odd, because don't you think children are protective of their mothers? Don't you think that they will resent their father for constantly shushing their mother and not letting her get what she wants/needs? I was raised in a very traditional household. I have seen my mother give up everything she wanted just to obey my father and I have seen how he takes all of that for granted, assumes that his word is law, and forgets that she needs a companion, someone who cares for her and looks out for her.
Also, regarding your concern about being friends. My husband and I function that way, we never swear at each other, or tell each other to shut up or anything. I would never do that to him, even if I were joking, and it is out of respect for him. Some of my friends are okay with it, so we will scold each other or tell each other off, but I know how much it would bother my husband so I don't ever talk that way to him, even playfully. If there is mutual respect and understanding, then friendship, respect, all of that works together for a good marriage.
When did I ever say I wasn't going to give her her rights. She'll be treated like a queen but queen's don't have to be your best friends. I'm not sure such type of closeness would be right in my married life.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
but will say one thing if you think that we're lying that we have good relationship with our husband and our husband respect and value our decisions/thoughts. And if they do so, they are stupids. Dude you're the one who is living in stone age. And besides, who gave you the right to say if we are right or not, we're the married ones here, we are speaking from our experience.
Allah hafiz.
A lot of that didn't make sense but I'll respond to the things I did get:
I've already admitted I'm old fashioned so saying that I live in the stone age doesn't really take us anywhere; when did I mention if you were right or not (not sure exactly what you're talking about here). And like I said, if you have the ideal husband-wife relationship then I'm very happy for you and all others :).
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
I'm not sure I'll be a part of GS then; if I am then yea, I don't see any harm in it. Although some of the ladies here may have a bad influence on her so I dunno. :D
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Do you realize that in the Quran Allah swt describes the relationship between husband and wife as being like "garments for one another"? What is closer to you physically than the clothes that you wear? Also, the Prophet saw said that the best of you are those that are the best to their wives? How can you possibly hope to achieve any kind of reward in the hereafter if plan to keep your wife at arms length and not give her the full rights that she is entitled to?
I'm guessing you don't like the idea of an extended family.
And for the record, She will not be treated like a slave.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
Mr ak, I think I understand what you are looking for and what your concerns are now that I've read your responses. You DO seem young but also seem to know what it is you want and what you want the life of your family to be like.
I'm sure you realize that you would not fare well in a western society but would fit in well in Pakistan. So you need to find a desi gal whose desire it is to be a WIFE. To be a mother and nurturer of hearth and home. If this is her desire and YOU are an able provider then happiness will be yours till the end of your days.
Just watch out for the gals who want education, expensive things, career, servants etc etc. Its been said many times before but never assume that "marriage" will change a person or that you'll be able to force a change after marriage. Thats all you need to know thats all there is to finding happiness - find the person who wants the same things YOU want.
Best wishes and luck to you and many kudos, hats off to you for not giving in to all of the beating up you've taken for sticking to your goals, wants and needs.
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
u must be old..:D
Re: Afraid to be a good husband...
people these days dont like the idea of extended family, thats the main problem with getting married to an american desi. they automatically assume that we want slaves.