Re: Advice to all men before marriage
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
FallenPieta
All the things you mention are true...spot on infact...a work colleagues friend committed suicide over this a coupla years ago...but thats not going to stop me from getting married...
Before i tell you why...its really silly to just tell someone to make sure they marry the right person...no-one makes the plunge assuming its the wrong person...we're human beings with limited judgement and just like we make mistakes normally its equally as possible to do it with your partners...hence high divorce rates...with life we grow and change...it doesnt mean your partners bad it means you become different...she doesnt need to be a ***** for you to get a divorce...so just understand that this can easily happen to any one of you who is happy right now...
But FallenPieta...what you need to understand is that life is all about risks...we face these decisions with plenty of things...now im of the belief that we do whatevers in our control...we do our best to make something...
Bro i live in the UK...we've just had 20 odd pakis get arrested for trying to sneak bombs onto planes...it doesnt mean i wont catch a plane again...thats just silly...
Im not going to let bad things affect the choices i make...im going to live life...you do whats in your control and leave the rest to Allah...he'll either protect you or he'll test you so just take it in your stride...
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
read No 10 in his initial post miss, now I know why you keep deleting my posts. You never read them:smilestar: 
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
Wipe me clean how? Wipe my mouth clean of drool while I sleep or wipe me clean of my net assets?
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
I agree with a lot that you’ve said here. Marriage is a boat that harbors a couple trying to champion an ocean of tests; some successfully navigate to the other side while many drown. I would love to get married but these boats are made way too fragile these days while the oceans have become choppier. Global warming perhaps.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
Not facts? So you are saying that woman taking half of man’s everything is just a fable?
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
fallenpieta, I'd like to focus on two words in your post: "these days". How do you think the institution of marriage has changed now compared to generations of our parents/grandparents? Do you think the boats are too fragile "these days", because (1) expectations are unnaturally high, (2) people are unwilling to make necessary compromises, (3) financial pressures or something else?
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
You haven't met a real man yet. When you'll, your loose screws will be tightend automatically without your knowledge. Outside marriage, you can boast but when you are in, it is a different story.
He is not against marriage. He has given some reasonale points having a deep impact on the social structure and the solidarity of family structure, which you seem to ignore completely.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
I think people are becoming more selfish now.....they don't realise that a marriage is a partnership......they still continue to think about themselves only after marriage....it always about getting things your way...prevailing over a partner.....that is bad enough.....but they also have an incentive to walk away....its like holding a gun to your head and saying do as I want otherwise I walk away and take the house, the kids and you need to support me and the kids for the next 15 years or so. Its difficult to rebuild your life after this, and the chances of it happening to you are increasing every year, divorce rates are increasing. Marriage is no longer for life. The odds are stacked against men especially successful men. The ones that are useless get away without paying anything. Prenups are not accepted in many courts across the world.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
Faisal, I think arshad answered your question.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
^ Yeah I guess, Arshad5 has explained it well. His response is so realistic.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
The only real man who has replied in this thread is Faisal...
rest of you seem too coward to be called men...so what are you worried about?
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
rest of you seem too coward to be called men...so what are you worried about?
well their reservations seems to have some valid
points too :D
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
Well I’ll say to you the same thing I told MehnazQ: “Easy for you to say. You can divorce your husband and take from half to 3/4 of his everything plus all of his dignity and confidence.”
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
I believe living with your own money is much more rewarding/respectful than living off someone elses. divorce is a word I hate....and hence I pray its not something that ever happens in my life.
If god forbiding this ever did happen to me (i.e. if I got married to the wrong guy -not my fiance) in that case I wouldnt want his money. Ive got a good education myself..i can earn for myself..why would I want to snatch his money away from him? I dont even think its islamically right to do that...cuz if he got married again, he would need to support his other wife....hence I dont think its islamically right for the wife to take his house etc from him
if he had kids, then he should support the kids...however I dont think its right for the wife to take the husbands house and everything he has. ...like I said, I dont think Islam allows this. correct me if im wrong?
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
^^ Your thoughts are idealistic yet generic. Many many women say the same thing: I don't need his money, I am strong enough to earn for myself, I'll leave him be. But guess what, those women do exactly opposite of what they initially predicted.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
Alot of people cant even afford lawyers. Whats your problem?
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
One thing that MIGHT help is to make sure you get to know the woman you are marrying before you actually marry her. Listen to your north-brain, not the south-brain. And don't listen to parents. They might just be looking to get you married to someone who has the stats, but not the right heart.
I think the Islamic obligation is to continue paying for childrens' expenses. Not the ex-wife's.
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
rest of you seem too coward to be called men...so what are you worried about?
What is wrong with you madam.
Yeah, this is true when you are on your own. when you live with your husband, you are under no obligation to earn anything except if you want to. Secondly, earning your own money does not necessarily give you the base to violate your obligations and your husbands right.
You are writting something that seems quite "spolied". You seem not to understand the marriage relation and the family system. Your ideals are quite alien......
Re: Advice to all men before marriage
You may say that you don't need his money but after a bitter divorce...women generally want to get back at their husbands by trying to hurt them as much as possible and they usually get free legal aid if they do not work whereas a husband has to employ his own solicitors out of his own pocket.